I Own His Bracelet

Alone

If I only could show them and tell them that I'm same person as them. That I'm same worth as them. I have read some sayings on TikTok saying; God has created you for a reason. You're worth it.

Am I for real? I spend my whole free time on my social media. I get good grades at school and I try very hard for school. Me as a 17 years old girl. Demira Russo. Who left Italy after living there for 13 years. The place. This place. My home. We moved for a reason. We moved here in USA for a better life and not to be left and destroyed. Why am I not same.

People are on social media so friendly, depressed and at the same time cold. They need love and are warm when I talk to them. But when I wake up in the reality, I see all these depressed/sad/cold people pretending to be something only to get clicks. To get famous and get money. What's the point? But sometimes it feels better to have some people pretending to be your friends than not even to have anybody to talk to.

I sometimes just cry for how my father talks with my two little brothers. I just can't. He's so friendly with them and the only thing he has ever given to me, is this room. The room where I can cry all night. And feel safe. The room where nobody can't scream at me, the room where nobody can't beat me up or try to kill me. This room is the only one which doesn't make fun of me if I do anything. It doesn't matter if mad or good things.

My pillow doesn't laugh if I cry. My bed doesn't beat me up if I touch it or lie on it. The mirror doesn't laugh at me if it sees my naked body. And this room doesn't mind it if I cry, talk, scream and make noises. It doesn't do anything to me. It only keeps listening me.

My body is shaking right now. I am in the middle of my class looking at everyone bullying and smashing small papers on my head. But what I do is, stay still. They have made me cry enough and bully me for my crying. So, I'll only stare at them. Soon is my 17th birthday and I still don't have friends. I actually never had. In Italy either. But the best part is that I was never bullied.

I was always used for my food, sweets and my homework. They knew I had good grades so I was always a nerd kid. I like reading. Books are the only way to disappear from the reality. There are so many different life's that it'll be a dream to live it.

The bell rang and I went outside without anything to eat today. I'll stop taking any food with me everyday if I can't even put a small piece in my mouth. They come and take it from me and walk away.

I am sitting on a bench and looking around. Gray came with two of his friends and sat in front of me. "Oh. Poor Demi," he spoke. Yes, he calls me Demi. Like nickname for Demira. I actually, like it. In this world it was never somebody to give me a nickname. I just starred at him. "Where's your food?" Jacke asked. Jacke, the friend on the left side of Gray. I just gave Gray a tired look and he stood up.

"Let this poor thing breath once in her life," he spoke and left me alone. Gray. He's famous boy in this school. Girls love him so much. I do simp for him since I came here when I was 14. He used to be some kind of friend of mine. Until he started getting friends with the popular girls and boys.

With 15 years old, he started to become very handsome. His eyes dark brown and his eyes light green. But before he started having the friend-relationship with those, he didn't have these muscles. He didn't have the sixpack and things that he has right now.

He was a small young boy who was the only one helping me the first 7 moths as I came new. I did liked him since then and I still have the same feelings. If he only just knew. I could be better but I aren't. My family does have enough money to buy me some new clothes. But they don't buy me anything. I have these clothes in my wardrobe since two years.

But sometimes I'm thank full that I have them to wear. Wen I think about it, some people don't even have a pullover.

I sometimes try to look over Gray. Actually his name is Grayson. Nobody knows that. He thinks that I have forgotten it. Or he maybe knows that I didn't.

I sometimes look at him starring at me, but he just turns his head away as he wouldn't be looking at me. The last time I smiled was when I was 15, the time when Gray started to bully me. The day that girls told him to smash his food at me. After this day, I don't remember anything making me happy.