𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 [𝙢𝙞𝙮𝙖 𝙤𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙪 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧]

✦ 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧

His body's weight gave up weakly on the chair as his heavy breathing echoed throughout the emptiness of his dark shop. Osamu rested his head on the heels of his shaky hands while his face started to numb as he felt specks like little ants  began crawling under his face. He was heaving. His head, spinning. He's a few inches close to claiming the love he failed to realize yet all he really wanted was to run away and be set free. He wanted his heart to stop feeling. He wanted to forget everything—the loneliness, hurt and guilt. 

"Samu," he heard his brother's voice cut through the darkness and he felt like a wave of relief wash over him. A sliver of hope come through him yet he swallowed the pain away, just like he usually does. 

"I'll prepare dinner now. You must be hungry." He weakly stood up, but his brother sat on the stool in front of him and placed a firm hand on his arm. 

"Let's talk."

Osamu's eyes widened. Did Eri finally tell him? He nervously sat down, fearfully preparing himself for his brother's disgust and admonishment. Though it was normal for the two of them to fight, he knew that losing his brother would be something he would never survive from. He had his head low, fist clenched as his knuckles were now turning pale. 

In his head, he was still his own self's greatest critique—endlessly blaming himself for everything and imprisoning himself again in a pit of agony.

It was his fault. His fault. His fault.  

Despite his anxiety, he just wanted freedom from all of this and mustered all the courage he could get to speak out. "I'm sorry-"

"Traitor." Atsumu dropped and Osamu froze as his face paled up.

"Lemme exp-"

"Just layin' around here all day in bed 'cuz I'm sick made me feel so sad and empty. Then it hits me. What about you? You've always been with me until I left to train to get into a league." Atsumu paused and Osamu was left in a puzzle. "Samu...you're lonely all this time, aren't ya?" 

What? Samu's eyes widened at his brother's unexpected response. Though confusion clouded him for a while, he still couldn't deny the hard truth in his brother's statement. It was lonely and empty ever since. 

"We're 21 now, but since we're li'l kids, you always ride along with whatever I want." Atsumu continued. "The color of shirt we'd wear, the nicknames we'd name ourselves, the sports we'd play, the color we'd dye our hair; it's all 'cause it's what I want. Now, that I'm goin' after volleyball and you want other things, I went away and left you here all by yourself." Tsumu clenched his fist and frustratedly chuckled. "I never even cared to know what you like. Just what an awful brother would that make me."

It's not like that.... Osamu thought as it was his conscious decision to choose Atsumu and play along with him. Atsumu was like a beaming light and he'd always thought of himself as the moon who only absorbed that radiant energy. It was only through Atsumu could he get close to the feeling of liking something so badly, he's so passionate about it. He had been chasing that feeling that Atsumu's happiness became his and he forgot how it was to find happiness on his own.

"Hey...it's not your fault." The younger Miya murmured which further enraged his brother.

"Just what the hell are you talkin' about huh! You sayin' it ain't my fault but I feel like shit y' know. All this time I feel terrible!" Atsumu banged his fists on the table.