Life in Pictures - Rex Orange County

smoke break

TW- talk of addiction
[869 words]
fluff. comfort.
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"Those things will kill you one day."
"I know, but it's worth the view."

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It was the one thing he did that she hated. She knew everyone has their flaws and Alex's vice of choice was his cigarettes.

He didn't do it enough for it to be so bad that they needed to sit down and talk about it, but it was enough to stress her out a little bit. She was worried about their long term effect on his health and his apparent lack of care for the proven toxicity of the drug.

He had never really told me why he smoked. Whenever she asked, he always gave a different answer that seemed to fit each environment.

"It's just to calm my nerves. I don't want to go on stage with shaking hands."

"It's the only time I get a moment of peace."

"Every cool rapper smokes... Whatchu mean?"

One afternoon in late November, the couple was on the roof of RCA's recording studio in lower Manhattan. She was sitting on one of the plastic lounge chairs. The lounge chairs always seemed strange and out of place to her. They were the kind that were typically found next to a swimming pool, but there they were on a rooftop in the middle of Manhattan.

Alex was over towards the edge - leaning on his elbows. He was about halfway through his cigarette when she interrupted the cacophony of city noises that played down below.

"Those things will kill you one day," she stubbornly told him.

"I know, but it's worth the view," he said into the openness above the rooftops.

That was a new response, so she dug deeper. "You know, it's okay to just come up here without having to smoke too."

Alex turned around so he was leaning on the half wall surrounding the lounge area. From where she was sitting, she could tell he was tired. His hoodie and track pants gave away the lack of effort given to his outfit. His hood was up - hiding his dirty hair. His energy had been low the past couple of weeks.
So had hers, to be fair.

He took another drag from his cigarette. She watched as his chest rose with his inhale, as he paused to savor the drug, and as his chest lowered as smoke curled out of his parted lips.

He met her eyes and admitted, "If I'm being completely honest, I don't really know what I'd do without them."

With that, she rose from her spot on the lounge chair and joined him at the edge of the roof. They both turned and looked out over the bustling city.
The leaves had long since turned shades of orange and red. They now seemed to camouflage into the cityscape with the shades of brown. At that time of year, the city marinated in shades of grey and brown.

"Does that scare you, Bub?" She asked him, trying not to overly pry.

"A little bit, yeah. Sometimes life is just a lot and these are the only quick escape I know."

"That's normal, you know?" He nodded as she spoke. "There's other healthier ways to deal with that stress though. I want you around for a long time." She tore her eyes from the skyline to meet his gaze.

He closed his eyes and hung his head.
"I know," he said with a sigh.
After some consideration, he continued, "I hate it when I feel like I'm not me. I honestly don't even know why I smoke these fucking things."

She would never be the person the force him in to making a big decision, especially if that decision was quitting smoking.

She stepped closer to him and rested her head on his chest.
"I know. It's okay."

He rested his cheek on the top of her head and pulled her in closer. His free hand was playing with the unruly locks of her hair that had escaped her low bun. His fingers twisting and curling sections of her hair.

She stayed there with him, taking it all in. She could smell the spice in his cologne that lingered on his hoodie and the stale cigarette smoke that still hung in the air. The cold November breeze nipped at her ears, causing her to snuggle her face impossibly closer into his warm chest.

They were so peaceful in that moment.

The pair stayed like that until the last of the amber sun had disappeared over the tops of the buildings.

Alex kissed the top of her head, squeezed both her hands, and started the two of them in the direction of inside.

Before they got to the door, she stopped him by looping her arms around his neck. She looked into those familiar brown eyes of his and told him that she would love him with her whole existence for as long as she shall live

and she really fucking meant it.

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hehehe i love this man so much god damn.
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if you are struggling with addiction, please know that you are, in no way, alone. reach out to your support system for help. you are so loved. 🤍