I feel a soft touch to my hand.
- Hey, dear.
- Mom, are you back? - I open my eyes a bit with such an effort.
- It's me, Monica.
I'm anxious. I don't know who Monica is. Mom told me something about Monica and then I fell asleep.
- My dear Josephine..- she sobs. - It's me, Monica, your best friend. Doctor David told us you might have some memory gaps.
- I'm sorry. I'm probably having it. - my eyes closing.
- I just want to tell you how much I love you and miss you. You know, Bobby told me he will meet Philip when visit him in jail and bit the shit out of him till he can't breathe. Even if he will go to jail himself. When he saw what that bustard did to you, his heart was broken. Same as mine.
Oh my god. This girl wants to break me completely.
- Who's Bobby? - it's hard to let the words out of my mouth. My brain doesn't work properly at the moment and I can't even understand who that girl is claiming to be my best friend. Did I even have such? I can't remember much. But I remember my mom, my sister, my little niece Lily. Ok. I can't handle that much for today.
- Bobby has been our best friend since we were 7. He is waiting outside. I wanted to have a moment with you and support you as much as I can.
Ha. She wants to support me. Fucking how? Does she have a magic wand? Can she turn back time? I don't need that support. I don't want that pity thing. But I won't argue. I can't. Just leave me alone everyone. My soul is weeping, but my eyes can't produce a tear. That's my personal hell. Fine I'll go through it no matter how hard it will be. I'll get myself back. No, not even myself, but an upgraded version of myself. I'm taking all the strength I have and saying:
- Please leave. I want to stay alone for some time.
- Sure, love. I understand. I'm leaving. Will tell Bobby to come next time.
For god sake girl just leave. I don't want any man to come to me except my doctor.
I know, what happened to me is my fault, or even not mine but that bustard Philip's. I'm wondering now has he sexually assaulted me, because all my body is a sore and I can't recognise where the pain coming from. I barely press the button to call a nurse. In less than a minute a young blond lovely lady came into the room.
- Is everything ok, Miss Parker? - she's asking with that cosy and sweet voice.
- Tell me the truth. Did he... was there any signs I've been sexually assaulted? - I'm terrified from my own words and even more terrified from expecting the answer I can't handle.
The nurse saying:
- Ms Parker. I can't discuss such things with you. Only doctor David can.
- Please! I need to know. I just need to know. Please
- Ms Parker, I will violate the rules if I tell, - she sighs with hesitation. - Ok Ms Parker, I'll tell you, but please don't tell anyone. There was no signs you were sexually assaulted.
I feel a bit relieved hearing the answer.
- I won't tell.
She left with a pitiful smile. And again that avalanche of emotions gets me. But physically I'm not able to cry. Such a torture to feel. I hope one day I'll get out of this bed.
My plan to go to the Academy of Arts is destroyed. It's one of the best universities in San Francisco. I wanted to start my new life, to join my passion and be happy, but I can't. I can't remember why that jerk made this to me, but I'll find out.
I am supposed to study screenwriting. My passion since I was a kid. I always wanted to write stories for tv shows or even to make a movie. Funny thoughts, I don't know if I can walk ever, but I'm thinking about writing. Thank you to the person who created strong painkillers, so I can avoid all that pain, but why wouldn't they invent something to heal the soul. I know, I know, some antidepressants can make you ignore bad things, but it's not healing. It's like antiseptic for broken bones, it just doesn't help.
I need to concentrate on my healing, I want to see Philip in jail. One day I will have my revenge.
