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Chapter One: Farewell

Nothing...could be more compelling than this.  What awaited on the other side of this door, had me petrified.

I stared at the doorknob. Still finding it hard to bring myself to reach out.  The brass was cool and slippery in my now clammy palm.  Sweat beads growing from my pores until they rolled right off my skin.  The trickling of the escaping sweat mimicking the movement of the air attempting to do the same through my trachea.

As many times as I told myself, that this was for the best, I could never quite bring myself to agree whole-heartedly.  I pushed forward, entering the room in the dead of night.  It was dimly lit by the moonlight. There I was, studying her face as if it was my first time seeing her... or as if it might be my last. I couldn't bear to put her in harms' way, let alone by my own hands.

I started to reach for her, but thought twice before withdrawing my hand.  Helpless, I stood there in the middle of the night.  All I could do was acknowledge her beauty.  Even in the dark, she was mesmerizing.

There she laid, snoring softly.  And her skin, just as soft and silky as the sheets she laid in. With indents on the side of her nose from her glasses (which were hanging off her face).  And creases just beneath her eyes, even though they were closed, I could easily recall her brown irises were coated with a unique honey cloud.  My eyes were rapid, focusing on her every detail, savoring each feature.  I brushed her bangs back with my thumb.

She inhaled sharply at my touch.  A moments’ hesitation passed before she began to shuffle in her sleep, rolling over as if she already knew my intention.

I couldn't help but to smirk.  A flash of all our memories came washing over me.  I never would have imagined it'd be this hard. I sat down on the edge of the bed, attentive of her body.  Careful not to disturb her slumber.  I leaned over to kiss her forehead.  Why is it so hard to say goodbye, I thought silently to myself?  I continued to stroke her hair out the way and idolize her beauty.  Simultaneously, I thought to myself this is for the best.

And how could she possibly want me?  How would she ever be able to look at me the same?  Especially if she ever knew what I have done. What would she think of me?  I stood up slowly, cautious not to wake her.  I turned away and stood there hesitant before letting out a low sigh.

"I'm no good for you," I whispered aloud.  I continued to run my thumb through her hair, "you should find someone who deserves you.  Someone, who can actually bring you happiness.” As deep as my regret might have been, my mind was made up.

There she laid deep in slumber, completely oblivious to the situation at hand.  Her eyes were shut tight, brows at rest, and her Hershey lips slightly apart.  She inhaled sharply before turning in her sleep.  I turned around with a swiftness, worried that I had stirred her awake.  Her hands were clapped together, and her head was resting peacefully on them.

I prolonged studying her face, making every second last.  Every inch of her composure was peaceful.  And here I was, my only thought was the life of luxury I promised.  The empty promises,  unless I did what was necessary.  All I wanted was to do right by you.

I closed my eyes, leaned forward, and gave her a peck on the cheek.  I pulled away sucking lightly on her face, before nibbling on her face. I let go and placed another quick peck in the same spot.  It’s how I would irritate her by playing with her cheeks.  I opened my eyes and leaned closer to her ear.  I whispered amongst the both of us, "I think I love you."

I stood up straight and walked over to the corner of the room.  I put my coat on one sleeve at a time and reached for the door.  My grip was tight on the knob; I could hear the liquor speaking to me.

"If you really loved her, let her go..."

And at that, I was out the door without a seconds' hesitation.