「𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄」 || 𝟐𝒎𝒊𝒏 || 𝑺𝑲𝒁

04.

he blew the smoke. i took the cigerette from his hand and blew a smoke too. our smokes fusing with each other just like our body did few hours ago.

"i've always wanted someone to kiss and hug and have fun with" i blurted out, smiling like an idiot. he placed a kiss on my hair, this is exactly what i was talking about. someone to hold hands, someone to make me feel loved.

"then where shall we go tomorrow?" i questioned. he looked out the window, "tomorrow, i shall go back"

i sat up straight, cupped his face, forcing him to look at me, "where do you live?"

he gulped a slump of  his saliva, "Germany"

my ears wanted to delete that information as soon as it processed it, what germany? a man from germany, in a small village of South Korea for an interview. "you kidding me?" i thought he was teasing me, moreover he looked Korean and speak Korean.

he held his head low. no, he wasn't kidding. my eyes shed tears as if it was nothing. he looked at me with teary eyes "i am sorry", he spoke.

"why?" there was nothing he could do about where he came from but what was that sorry for? and why on earth was i crying?

"i lied to you. about everything"

my eyes searched for his everywhere, but everytime it landed on his eyes, he would avert it in a different direction.

"what lying?"  my voice shaked.

"that i came here for an interview."

i wiped my tears with my hands, "so why did you come here?" i didn't know what was coming for me for seriously i didn't even expect much. never in life i got what i wanted and even i did, they were snatched away from me.

"because i am married to a woman and i am forced to live a straight life with her. its unbearable for me. so i came here to to take a break from my fake identity and live like what i actually am."

i felt the my heart drop, everything around me seemed so dark. he is married? and we just fucked. was he originally a gay person or pretending to be one and playing with me feelings.

"minho, listen to me"

"shush, don't say anything"

he came closer to me, wrapping his hands around my body, "hyung, i am sorry. i can't be with you even if i wanted."

i pushed him away, "so you used my feelings to get what you wanted."

"no, i want to be with you too,  it's just that we can't be together "

"stop", he closed my eyes, "ik we can't be, we can never be when we have people like you around the world" and ik we can never be together if that's what's i wanted.

"i love you, hyung"

i scoffed, "what a lie"

"it's not a lie, i do. every moment, i do"

"stop it, don't lie to me." i hopped off the bed and packed my things.

"minho, please don't go. be with me for sometime. i really love you."

"shut up seungmin"

"i fucking love you okay?" he stomped closer to me, turned me 180 degrees, and kissed me. all the anger vanished within a moment as i melted into his kiss. only tears rolled down my eyes. his eyes too, tears ran like a river. i wanted to trust him but even if i did, what am i gonna achieve? he'll anyways leave me.

"stay the night, please" he begged.  he clinged onto my body like he wanted it forever. he held my hands and brought me back to the bed. he turned off the lights and snuggled into my arms.

we stayed in that position the whole night. neither he fell asleep nor did i. it was as we were waiting which on of us would leave first. the light of moon  brightened the room, allowing to read his sharp features. those eyes like galaxy, tall nose and kissable lips that i brushed with my finger. his body felt so warm, it felt so home.

next morning, i woke by the sound of nothing. i can't remember when i felt asleep. without looking, i danced my slided my hands on the other side of the bed, but the only thing i could feel was the cold bedsheet. freezing cold.

i looked to right and sat myself on the bed, he wasn't there. my eyes automatically scanned the room. i intensely looked at the bathroom door but even after long 10 minutes, there was no evidence of the presence of a human.

my eyes tried to hold back tears, nevertheless it was of no use. streams of tears ran down my cheeks. and ik he won't come back. never again.

_______

even today when i look at the picture of us holding hands, i tear up. i wife would ask what was so special about that friend. only if she knew, only if she knew what was not special about him.

i looked up the computer screen as i finished writing a part of my most beautiful moment of life. my  children ran around the house, timely coming to check on me for God knows what.

"betty, don't hit your brother" i shouted from my seat.

"appa, seungmin ate all my candy but look how calm he looks after being a brat"

i stood up from my seat and went to them. "let him eat that, I'll buy you new one, kay?" i carried seungmin in my arms and took him out for his evening walk. technically my walk but since he directs me where to go, i can give him for that. and without any fail, we always reach the top of the mountain with his directions.

it reminds me of the the events that took place in that winter evening when his body crushed against mine. what a time,

what a time
what a time
you and i