Don't Forget

Tilia

I painfully open my eyes, instantly regretting this action. The neon lights on the ceiling brutally blind me, so I use my hand as a sun visor. This one is covered with tubing, held in place by pieces of bandages, penetrating my veins. All my limbs make me suffer atrociously, and moving my head is an arduous task.

Out of the corner of my eye, I try to observe my surroundings. I see that the walls around me are pale green and there are blue curtains around my bed. The noises of electrocardiograms harass my sensitive ears and the smell of disinfectant stings my nostrils. So I deduce that I am in the hospital suddenly remembering the accident.

I hear again the terrifying sound of the metal carcass of the truck hitting the motorbike and our bodies with full force... Alec! Where is he? Looking for the switch allowing me to call the nurse, I gently move my numb fingers on the mattress. I finally find it placed next to my right leg and press the button three times. After a few seconds of waiting, a pretty young black woman enters the room with a big smile.

—    Miss June! How can I help you? Do you want something for the pain? offers me the nurse.

—    Al...ec, I'm trying to formulate with difficulty.

—    Your friend? guesses the young woman.

I nod my head immediately regretting it. It's like a jackhammer attacking my skull.

The nurse seems to hesitate for a moment, looking worried. Her gaze is fleeting. She tells me she's going to get the doctor, avoiding answering me.

—    Alec..., I repeat, feeling a tear roll down my cheek.

She hurries out of the room leaving me to marinate in dark thoughts. I feel something is wrong. That there is a void...

A Hispanic man in a white coat enters the room, followed by the nurse from earlier.

—    Hello Miss June, I am your doctor Dr. Paolo. How do you feel?

—    Where is... Alec? I ask with a little more strenght.

Dr. Paolo's face takes on a serious look. He pulls out a chair to sit next to me and delicately puts his hand on mine before taking a soft voice to announce to me:

—    I'm sorry, Miss June, but Alec didn't survive the accident.

The voices of the patients and their families fade into dead silence. I have the impression that time stops just like my heart. I want to scream and smash everything in the room, but my bruised body doesn't allow it. All I can do is let silent tears roll down my cheeks. The cuts on them burn me as hot drops slide down my face before crashing into the pillow.

I close my eyes feeling my world crumble around me as the doctor's words grow distant. Like an echo.

Dr. Paolo seems to explain to me the seriousness of my injuries while Nora, the nurse, increases my dose of morphine when she sees my body shaking. She probably assumed it was shivers of pain. She is not wrong, but the source of this suffering is not physical. Painkillers won't help me.

The rest of the day passes in a medicated haze. They seem to have increased my amount of narcotics since they told me Alec was dead. They're worried that I'll probably go in shock. With reason. I just want to get out of this place.

I see the loved ones of other patients pass by as the one person who was ever there for me is gone. A dull rage forms in me because of this injustice, but I have nowhere to direct it. So I gladly take the drugs that the nurse gives me to temporarily calm this anger.

Lying on the bed, while high on the opiates, I am suddenly assailed by a dark realization. I haven't laughed or smiled all day. Which was impossible when I was with him... Alec always found a way to put a smile on my lips. With just a look, he could make even the most shitty days enjoyable. God knows I've had some bad days.