AbhiRa Short Story: Broken

Part 4 - Akshara

"Wow, Dr. Abhimanyu Birla. Wow. I have no words for you. Woh toh chodo, jo bhi words hai mere paas woh bhi kam padjayenge tumhare liye." The tears rolling down my eyes has fallen dry and instead were replaced by a gust of anger and disgust.

Anger because my own Abhi had decided to treat me like an outsider. For what? For my own good?

Disgust because Abhi had decided to go back on all the promises we had shared together. The promise to always be truthful and honest with each other. The promise to always face each and every problem together, side by side.

"Akshu..."

Abhi turned around to face me, his eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears.

"No. Do not Akshu me Abhi. Whatever you said just now, maine sab suna. Ab main bolungi aur tum suno ge."

I took a few steps towards Abhi so that our faces were just inches away from touching.

"You said you were trying to protect me from myself. You were trying to protect me from my guilt. You awee trying to protect me from getting hurt. You thought that you telling me the truth would hurt me, and that I'd blame myself for putting you in this position? You didn't want me wallowing in my own sea of self guilt, is it, Abhi?"

He nodded his head slightly.

"Acha." Like muscle memory, I ran my hands on my face to wipe away any remnants of wet cheeks. "You assumed the guilt I was going to feel after knowing the truth about your hand and in return consider myself responsible for causing your condition. But amidst all this, you failed to even consider the guilt I was feeling seeing the light diminish from your eyes over the past 2 weeks."

"You were so worried about the guilt I would have felt that you failed to recognize the guilt I was feeling seeing you agitated and irritated at the smallest of things. I watched you break multiple pens while trying to write. I was the one who picked up the broken buttons off the floor belonging to all the numerous shirts you had tried to button up but failed."

"Abhi, you may think you are a great actor but you're not. I noticed your waning smile, the forced laughter, the silent frustration of being unable to do the most mundane things. I noticed everything."

"Akshu, I didn't know..."

"Tumhe pata hai, I kept waiting and waiting ki when you'll share your pain with me. Ki when you'll say 'Akshu, mera haath theek nahin hai. Main theek nahin hoon' but you never did. Watching you suffer is not protecting me. Watching you in pain, struggling silently is not protecting me. Watching you hurting yourself isn't protecting me."

"You trying to protect me from yourself is hurting me. Abhi." My voice which had been wavering before, breaking in between my words was firm now. I lowered my eyelids in despair and vulnerability.

Watching Abhi break, his confidence shatter bit by bit, piece by piece over the past 2 weeks was enough for me to die a millions deaths over and over again. And now that both our cards, our feelings were out i the open, something still felt amiss.

"Akshu. Please mujhe maaf kardo. I didn't know that by trying to not hurt you, I was hurting you even more."

Abhi placed both his hands on either side of my cheeks and touched his forehead to mine. I clutched his forearms in mine and let the warmth of his touch soothe me.

"I'm so sorry Akshu. Mujhe maaf kar do. Please forgive him."

"It's not about forgiveness, Abhi. Maybe I would have done the same thing as you had I been in the exact same position you are in now. It's about trust, Abhi. You pushed me away from yourself and your pain because thought it was best for me. I appreciate your concern but you can't decide what's best for me."

"Pyaar karti hoon tumse. Shaadi ki hai. Vaada kiya hai to support each other in sickness and in health. You should have trusted me. Just a little bit."

"I'm sorry that you are hurting because of my decisions to keep you in the dark. But I will not be sorry for making those decisions. My way of trying to protect you was wrong, main maanta hoon but I will never be sorry for trying to protect you."

"Abhi...."

"Shhh..." he placed one finger on my lips while continuing to hold my cheek with his other hand. "I know you know and understand how much my career, the fact that I am a doctor means to me. You know how much my patients mean to me. Being a surgeon is who I am. Just like you are a part of me, being a surgeon is a part of me too."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"And I know you well enough to know that you would have blamed yourself —considered yourself responsible had you found out that I may never be able to operate ever again. The creep who was harassing you, the fire, you running back thinking I was stuck —main tumhe tumse ziyaada jaanta hoon."

"Main bhi, Abhi. I know you more than you know yourself."

"Then you should know why I made the choices I did."

"Then even you should know why I am so hurt," I retorted accusingly.

"Akshu."

"Abhi."

"Tum na..."

"Tum bhi..."

A small smile formed at the corner of both our lips.

"Abhi, I'm not a doctor or a surgeon but I do understand the importance of your hand in your life, in your career. Music therapist hoon. Just like your hands need to be firm and stable while performing a surgery, a musicians hands need to be stable too while playing an instrument. Jaise tumhare liye woh scalpel ko hold karna important hai to make that precise incision, it's important for me while playing the guitar to have my hand stable enough for the correct musical note to be played. So I understand the importance your hands hold to you because mine hold the same value for me"

"I shouldn't have said that. You know the value of everything. Sab ki value tumhe paata hai. I just said all that in my pent up frustration ever since I realized weeks ago that I may not be able to perform surgeries again."

I looked up at Abhi with confusion in my eyes.

"Weeks ago? But you just found out yesterday right?"

Abhi's look of guilt was enough to tell me this was again something he had hidden from me.

"Since when did you know, Abhi? Don't lie to me again. How long have you known?"

"Ever since I got discharged from the hospital."