All or Nothing

Chapter 21

John had been over this in his head so many times.

They'd grown apart...

They wanted different things....

He was sorry...

Aimee wasn't supposed to come into it at all. He felt as protective of her as he did Hattie, he didn't want Megan to think that this was Aimee's fault. That she was the kind of person happy to go around wrecking relationships. It wasn't supposed to go like this. He was struck dumb. No words came. Not even the, what he had hoped was, heartfelt apology he had composed in the car.

"Days?! Weeks?! Months?!" Megan's voice got higher pitched with every word.

"Not as long as you think," he said shamefully. The first time Megan had challenged him about Aimee, they hadn't been having sex, but he wanted to, he knew that they were going to. He should have been honest then.

John stood with his arms crossed against his chest, ready to guard himself from any attack by Megan, be it physical or vocal. He hated confrontation, he had been dreading this moment, it was awful being faced with your own deficiencies.

He dared to look at her, peering cautiously through his long lashes. There were tears in her eyes. He was sorry he had hurt her; he wasn't a heartless person, but he felt nothing for her, he didn't have the heart lurching feeling he had when Aimee had been upset, and that told him he was making the right choice now.

"Well go on then!?" Megan threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Let me hear your excuses. I'll guess... You were drunk!? It just happened?! It was only once!? Well, it didn't 'just happen' John, you bought condoms, you planned it! And I checked, the box is half full, you've been at it like rabbits." She laughed bitterly, and he almost laughed too because he had a long day ahead of him and his body was already aching in the best of ways.

"Why were you even going through my stuff!?" He frowned, as though it mattered.

Megan gave a laugh of complete disgust. "You've been shagging around, and you've got the cheek to have a go at me for going in your bag?!"

"I'm not shagging around!"

John shook his head. It wasn't like that. I had never just been about sexual attraction, there had been something else pulling him to Aimee right from the start.

"I love her Megan! I was gonna tell you today."

Telling Megan he was in love with Aimee had not been part of the plan. He hadn't wanted to rub salt in a wound. It had just slipped out, his pathetic justification to himself that it was okay to cheat if you were cheating with person who could be the one.

"What about me?" She asked in a small voice. She sounded so needy, like she was Hattie's age.

John watched a tear roll down Megan's cheek, she wiped it away, frustrated at her own weakness.

When she had found the condoms her first thought was one of triumph. It hadn't all been in her head. She wasn't paranoid. She had suspected for weeks he was seeing Aimee, and now she knew it was true. Then she realised what that meant, and that was when the other emotions took over.

"I'm really sorry Megan," he said. He tried to look as mournful as he could. The sad eyes and pouted lip that brought Aimee to her knees didn't work on Megan, she had been immune to John and all his quirks for quite some time now. "I don't know what else I can say. Things haven't been right for a while; you know that right?!"

"If you didn't want to be with me anymore, why didn't you say?!"

"I should have," he conceded.

Months ago, when he started realising how incompatible they were; Megan was career focused, and so was he, but they were both entirely devoted to their own goals, never taking time to support the other. He wanted siblings for Hattie, and not in the too distant future; he wanted his kids to be close. Megan didn't want children of her own. He wanted someone who wanted to be part of his life completely, Megan had no interest in meeting any of his friends, he was tired of going to parties and weddings solo.