The Jew Doctor

The Only Christian In Munich

The ground, almost furrowed by the endless tracks of tanks and the wheels of great ghastly guns pushed by a miserable few whom were given just enough to endure the hardships of the long march South, seemed to shake once in a while, it was the Panza divisions, every night they haunted us with their endless presence. From the looks of it the war was going to be swift and it may have been the propaganda ridden newspapers which Heinrich passed though the little hole at the top right corner of the room or it might have been the stories I heard before I was here but I imagined the war would end in a quick victory. And then their full attention would turn to me. I still had time however so I'm wasn't going trouble my self with those thoughts, the one thing I could remember clearly, when I wasn't in that basement, was that I used to take deep breathes, once in a while when I was thinking or was bored, I took in a large amount of air and leant backwards, it would clear my mind. I could only now do that when I was next to the window. I missed my old self within those walls.

"Werner, I bought some cheese. That son of bitch has something against me, I tell you", I heard a faint sharp voice saying, an unmistakable voice if you had heard him before. Then the door shut behind him. Strange. He'd never risk someone hearing, so why did he shout with the door open?
"What did he do?" I asked.
"It was his boy -" The shop keeper was old and he made his boy some times keep it when he was ill. The boy couldn't join the army, he had this leg which he couldn't fully control, he was nice enough.
"He looks at me funny and cuts the cheese like he wants it small enough to stick up his arse."
"Does he? You would all about that"
"Haha", I could sense the sarcasm in his voice. From the sound of his boots stumping on the wooden floor I could tell he was in a hurry.
"Heinrich"
"Um" he said pacing around.
"Are you off?"
"Werner, unlike you I don't lock my self in basements, I see the joy life has to offer, I lets it's cool waves take me places unknown" I knew he was grinning, I was too.
"I still haven't seen her you know"
"Good"
"Well if you're happy"
"I don't think you will"
"Why?"
"Just you know the circumstances", he said lowering his voice.
"Don't you fucking start pitying me as well"
"She has a sister you know"
"Yeah?"
"She's 15!" he shouted, almost laughing,
"If I belonged to the Catholic Church would I be in your basement?"
"Out of all people, you Werner cannot throw stereotypes about religious men",
"Fuck religious men. I am as much a Jew as I am a black or a Mohammedan".

That night was cold and I was bitter, I was bitter knowing Heinrich was with his sweetheart whilst I was damp and accompanied only by nice cheese and cheap wine, I was also bitter because the walls felt like they were made from ice and the broken glass of the window let in a breeze which could flatten a forest of oaks. Many nights passed. In moments like that, one would imagine sleeping would be a great difficulty, that worry would keep you up into the long hours and you'll lie, with open eyes which weren't filled with the madness in your mind nor were they full of sanity but something in between and you would stare at the ceiling seeing the stars and transparent clouds beyond the roof, being so captivated by the charms of the heavenly lights, you couldn't for a second close your eyes. But no. I think I slept perfectly. I guess I didn't care or simply didn't know. With an eventless day like that day, my worries knew I was too miserable already so pointless would be their attempt to disturb me.

I still occasionally think back, when feeling sorry for my being, I don't really think much of the events which were to occur later on, no, Christ no, they were too impactful and even worse accidental and I had no will upon them. Though the time I spent with Heinrich I think about most days; those times I had the power to change what I would be doing or what I was doing. I wish I could change what happened after my days with Heinrich. Do I want to change the times I spent with Heinrich, yes, but it's not the same kind of things, for one the changes wouldn't have an impact on the future unlike the changes I'd make after my time with Heinrich, and secondly, the changes wouldn't have saved thousands of lives, unlike the changes I'd want to make after my time with Heinrich.