“We are two human beings who are both stubborn. Even though we pray in different places, we are determined to be together in the name of love.
But don't feelings deserve to be blamed? Hasn't God never given us a chance – who to choose to fall in love with?
Without reneging on beliefs, without betraying feelings, could the two of us be able to reconcile the situation?”
"How are you, my dear?"
I know. You must have frowned when you found this letter in your briefcase. I confess. I intentionally tucked this letter secretly so you wouldn't find out.
Today is not your birthday, or our anniversary. I didn't even write a letter for fun. This letter is just an intermediary, about things that have not been unraveled when we met our eyes.
If possible, I'd like to offer you a seat across from me. I will hold your hand tightly, I will look at your face closely while I pour out the questions that have been making my neck choke
“Are with me, you feel wrong?
Are you starting to agree, that differences will never allow us to unite? Or is your faith still as big as it used to be, when we just met?”
Unfortunately, I'm not quite an officer if I have to talk directly to the two of you. For some reason, women seem to shed tears too lightly. I'm too fragile. So easily swayed by feelings, can't rely on logic toughly.
But, even though it's not as melancholic as I am, you too must feel the same turmoil - when the love we have is in fact not reconciled with reality.
We are two ordinary human beings who lack power. Especially, if it's a matter of feelings and love. After an unexpected meeting, I never intentionally allowed myself to fall in love. Ah, falling in love is like getting lucky – you win prizes without having to bother sending sweepstakes.
Unfortunately, those who see us are often more judgmental. Instead of being happy, they can actually loudly say,
"How can you date someone with a different faith? Does your relationship have a future? Perhaps, it would be better if it was resolved immediately rather than having a painful ending.”
My heart flutters sometimes when I hear comments like this. It is undeniable, in fact we do not have any idea about the future at all. Let alone the matter of marriage plans, every day we are still busy with compromise matters.
Yes, that's a compromise when you won't insist on asking to be accompanied by pork satay. Not carelessly eating food in front of me who is fasting Ramadan. I never even whine to ask you to go jogging together on Sunday mornings.
Between the loudness of people's comments and how hard we fight, sometimes I can only be silent in silence. At the end of prostration or at the end of the prayer that I recite every night I often insert my conversation with God,
"Oh God, why did you meet me with him? Why don't you introduce me to other people who can worship together? Aren't You All-Powerful over me completely?"
You and I come from two different worlds. I am with a belief that I have held for almost half a century. You too with your beliefs and all the trifles. But despite being different, our worlds still intersect; although the slices may be too small.
“That little wedge is like heaven to us. A place that feels comfortable if it's just the two of us. A world where the words 'compromise' and 'tolerance' will not sound absurd to the ear."
Do you remember, we once had an appointment to meet at the church gate near your house? On the sidelines of your hobby of staying up late playing games, you still had time to wake me up for sahur. I also remember, when you left greetings and Eid gifts for my mother.
Ah, maybe I'm being too sensitive, or you'll think I'm just being stubborn. Maybe you think, our world can't be said to be perfect when it's just the two of us who feel happy. While family, friends, and those around us do not feel the same.
“Honey, this is when I started to have doubts about us. Are the levels of our feelings really the same? Do you and I see an equally beautiful picture of the future? Maybe we have a chance to be together a little longer?”hold on until it's time to decide
Relationships with different beliefs never promise certainty. Success or not is a matter of how strong we are. After all, those who believe in it feel the same way. That every relationship will always be faced with two possibilities; either successful or not.
It's not just a matter of our different beliefs, the matter of love itself is still too abstract to be accepted. Love can offer two opposite things at the same time; spoils us with hope, but torments us with anxiety. Yes, love is a jerk, honey!
Whenever I'm ready to lose
Realizing how complicated love affairs are, plus the complexity of inter-religious relationships, I am now even more ready to organize my heart. I can stand to sit opposite you. Wiping your oily hair because shampoo is rarely touched. Touching your firm jawline while staring at you intently. I can see,
“There is a trace of doubt on your face. There is a lost possibility in your eyes. There is uncertainty in every breath and movement of your body."
But alas, I am currently still trying to be strong in the struggle. Ready to be a tough person when we have to continue page after page of the journey. Maybe, someday we will separate, but it is not impossible that we can continue and move steadily.
Honestly, I hope you are the fateful partner, I don't mind too much if it turns out that you are just a stopover. Later, after we are done with “us”, you and I will be able to move on to the next life. We will be at other intersections and meet new possibilities. But at least, right now you are still beside me.
“We are both enjoying an unusual journey. Adventure in a dark alley; who knows where it is headed and who knows when it will find light.”
God once wrote a love story
Our meeting is not to be regretted. The relationship that is lived does not need to make us burdened. An uncertain future is also not worth crying over. After all, the future is a puzzle that can only be answered when we are done with it. So now, is there anything that can be done besides being grateful for what we have?
This time let me sit by your side, honey. Let me say thank you for your presence in my life. And let's give thanks to the God we worship in a different way. We should be proud because of the billions of couples out there, we have been chosen to have an unusual love story.
Happy because the warmth of the relationship that we live successfully transcends differences. Smile because what we believe gives its own color to life.
