Room 839

Chapter 2: Im going to miss him

I wake up two hours later and sit up. I pull apart my lips and rub my cheeks and I can feel the marks left by the duvet and I sit up and raise my hand to pull back the curtain and see that there are huge dark clouds forming in the sky and I start to smile. He loves rain. I bet he's smiling too. I imagine his arms around me and I can almost feel his warmth. I imagine him burying his nose into my hair and saying-

"EMIE!" The shrill voice cuts through my thoughts.

Who the hell-

"EMIE, HONEY BUNCHES!" Ah, none other than the one and only Amelie.

I get up and walk to the door before the knocking can start.

"I'm coming, don't knock."

I open the door half an inch and peer through.

"Don't worry, it's me." She whispers through the crack.

I open it a full inch and pause. Then, I slowly open it fully. She sees my face and her face falls.

"Again?" She says since she doesn't know I cry 24/7.

I nod and grab her arm and pull her inside and close the door.

"Did they give you another one of their talks again?"

"Sort of like that." I don't tell her what actually happened because I don't feel like she would care a whole lot.

She starts to straighten out the duvet onto the bed. "Honestly, therapy, mental hospitals, medicine, they don't even work. They're all just wasting their money. I mean, sure, spilling your heart out to your therapist can help but sometimes it just makes everything worse because you don't want to be judged. Also, if your family puts you into a hospital or contact a therapist, it makes you feel bad because you'll think that your family doesn't love you because they think you're crazy and you're not their perfect little girl. I mean, I don't go through these problems and I know this. Why don't they??" This is why I actually let her into my life and why I talk to her. She understands and she helps me. As she talks I stand in front of the mirror playing with my hair and my face.

"Like you can't just 'fix' someone. People aren't mach-"

"Ew."

"Huh?" She stops and looks at me.

"Oh, sorry I was just saying that to myself, I was trying to fix my hair but failed spectacularly." At that she sighs and sits on the bed, with the duvet slightly straightens as she was trying to do.

"You look beautiful, Emie, and I know these words mean nothing to you coming from me but I hope one day you can be saying this to yourself."

I sigh too and lay on the bed next to her and she starts to stroke my hair.

"I talked to him today." She says out of no where.

"Well, duh, you talk to him everyday."

"But today he mentioned you."

I look at her and raise my eyebrows.

"What??"

"Yeah, he was like, "hey, how's Emie?" And I was like, "she's great." And then he's like "ooh.... ok say hi to her for me." You know, the usual awkward convos we have of you." She says simply as she gently braids a strand of hair.

"Wait, what?? You have convos of me?? What do you mean? You talk about me?" I say as I quickly sit up and she lets go of my hair and smiles.

"Oh, yeah. This one time he was like just staring off to space while hanging out and out of no where he just goes, "Do you ever question your sexuality with Emeline? Everyone else does." And I just go, "Many times. And we kept talking about that. Another time, we were eating lunch and he's like, "Isn't that Emelines shirt?" and I'm just like yeah and I talk about our funny moments when we're hanging together and stuff like that." She says with a smile on her lips the whole time and my mouth is open wide in shock.

"So, basically, he knows everything about us." I say with shock in my voice.

"Well, we do talk a lot but he doesn't know EVERYTHING. But, yeah, we talk about you a lot. Mostly me but he makes comments here and there."

"What types of comments??" I say urgently. I cant believe he talks about me! I thought he barely knew I existed. I cannot believe this. This is just.

"Well, he laughs and makes like random comments like, I was telling him about that one moment at burger king where the lady went, so how was your day? And you were like, no thank you and he laughed really hard at that 'cause I was laughing too and he said, I bet the lady was like what the fuck, this bitch stupid or something. And I laughed at that." She says laughing.

"He called me stupid and a bitch?" I say quietly, not laughing along with her but feeling so hurt inside.

"No, not like that but I mean he thought it was funny and he was joking, like it wasn't like, that bitch is so stupid he's just-"

"Its fine. I get it." I get up and grab my computer and lay back down on the bed. I open my computer and start watching my favorite tv show. She lays down next to me and we watch it silently but my mind doesn't pay attention to it. My mind wanders somewhere else. I keep thinking about him and what he might think about me. I can't believe he actually talks about me and mentions me.

"Emie." She says quietly, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hmm-what?"

"Your mom is calling you."

"Ask me if I give a shit."

"What? What's up between you two, today?"

"Nothing. I just don't think of her as a mom anymore." I say simply with no emotion even though I feel so much rage from within.

"Wow,thats a bit harsh." She says.

"You know what else is harsh?? Putting your daughter into a mental hospital!" I curse myself silently. The words slipped out before I could catch them.

"What???" She asks loudly with a twisted face.

"Nothing. It's just that in some cases, other mothers send their daughters to mental hospitals and I'm just saying that's harsh." I say quickly, trying to cover up for my slip-out.

"Are you sure??"

"What? Like, of course. You don't think my mom would actually do that?" I say, trying to hear her opinion.

"No! Any mom who does that is completely cray-cray."

"I know, right?! Anyways, I was just saying. My "mother" has done some things that are completely idiotic and I just don't feel her motherly love anymore."

"Like, what?"

"Lots of things I can't even name right now, but anyways in two weeks I'm going somewhere."

"Really, where?"

"Somewhere far, far from here. I don't know. Ill probably like it."

"What is that supposed to mean?? Where are you going??" She says with a worried tone.

"I'm going to my aunts for a long time." I say quickly.

"For how long??"

"I don't really know...."

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss him."

"I know you are, I'm so sorry." She grabs my hand.

"Yea.... I don't know what I'm going to do."

"It's all going to be ok. It'll feel like hell for the first few days but you'll get used to being with out him. Think about it as an early summer." She says all that like if she knows where I'm actually going.

But she doesn't.