Losing Chase

The End of The Beginning

"I'll call you tonight, don't worry." Chase mocks, bumping her shoulder against mine. Smiling, I nod in agreeance, but inside, I am full of nerves. Something seems off, I can feel it in my gut.

"Seven O'clock sharp," I declare, " and don't forget."

All she does is smile and shake her head waving to me as she heads up her drive. I don't leave until she is safely in her house, smiling at me through the front window. I try to assure myself that nothing will go wrong, rubbing my face as I begin to wander home.

At home, I head upstairs, my bed in mind as I yawn loudly. I'm tired enough to have a nap, and sure that I will be up before seven. Flopping down onto my cloud of a bed, I wonder again if Chase will be alright. My eyes close and all thoughts are erased from my mind.

I groan, rubbing my eyes. My limbs are stiff and my pillows wrapped around me. Without having to look at my alarm clock, I immediately know that I slept longer than I should've. I roll from the covers and glance at the red numbers.

Instantly my worry returns, but I push it to the back of my mind, thinking that I slept through Chase's call. Stretching for my phone, I groan at the time. Ten O'clock and I feel more awake than if I had an espresso.

The light of my phone blinds me for a split second, but I can see that I've had no calls. I wonder what happened to Chase calling me? Deciding against calling her, I slip on my discarded shoe and sneak out the door.

Planning to surprise her, I quickly saunter over to Chase's house with a sly smile on my face. When I get there I am surprised to see that her front door is already open, her parents hovering by the opening. I sprint up the steps, questions raiding my mind.

"Blaine, go home." Mrs. Simmons, states, her voice quivering. I immediately push past her, only to have my arm caught by her husband. The steel in his eyes stopping me.

"Son, we've already contacted the police, you shouldn't go in there." Something is wrong. Something is seriously wrong. I rip my arm out of his grip, running to her room. I whip the door open, looking around.

You shouldn't go in there.

I fall to my knees, a choked sob bubbling out of me. Letting out a mournful scream, I take in the sight before me through teary eyes. Chase, calm and beautiful, lay on the floor, eyes closed, but not sleeping.

Embedded in her chest, below her breastbone, lay a silver hunting knife covered in blood. Her hand limply rests below it. Clutched in her hand, is a bloody note with my name neatly scribbled on top.

Not thinking and overwhelmed by pain, I crawl forward, pulling her body into my lap, clutching her with all my might. Sobs wrack through me and tears freely flow down my face and with shaky hands I remove the note from her loose grasp.

I let out another agonized shout, trying to bury my pain into Chase. Trying to bring her back to life. I peel open the note, rocking back and forth, her body still on my lap. It reads;

Blaine,

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, I was in too much pain. I know you would be you, and try to make everything better, but the thing is, I didn't want everything to be better.

The pain helped me think straight, and I'm sorry I put you through this pain. I know you will take this badly, and I am so, so sorry for that, but I want you to move on and forget about me.

Find someone, go to college, live your life. Don't let my sorrow stop that.

I love you so much,

Chase

By now, sirens and shouts surround me, taking over the whole house. I all can do is clutch onto Chase's body and scream, trying fill the gaping hole that Chase created in me. She is gently removed from my grasp before I am enveloped in someone's arms, their soft voice filling my ears.

All I feel is her. There is nothing else left to feel.

Rain lightly patters around me, filling my nose with it's clean smell as I walk. I weave between graves, old and new, two locations in mind, two bouquets in hand. Stopping at a small headstone, I sigh, gazing at the fourteen year old granite, wishing to remember but wanting to forget.

All I can see though is the slab of rock, his name inscribed in fancy lettering.

Willem Holding, Loving Father and Husband

I gently lay the bouquet down, patting the headstone and continuing on. The graves get newer and newer as I continue, more recent dates and less recent visitors. I stop once more in front of a red headstone, one rose laying at it's foot.

I slump down next to it, leaning my back against the cool stone, the flowers still clutched in my hands. I let the tears that build up run freely down my face, but refuse the urge to scream, not wanting to disturb her.

"Why did you leave me Chase?" I whisper, gazing up at the sky, "I need you so badly. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, so why didn't you share your pain with me? It only hurt worse when you died. I can't seem to let anybody in, I'm afraid they'll leave me like you did."

I swipe some tears from my face, reaching over with the bouquet and placing it at the base of her headstone.

"For you," I state, as if she were next to me again, "'cause I know how much you love daisies."

Sighing, I turn towards the grave, kneeling on the soft grass. Warm raindrops roll down my exposed arms, drawing my gaze. They seem like little crystals framing my arms, But they are just an illusion, like my cold front, and like Chase's.

My next words come out in a whisper."I don't want to become you Chase, but I feel if I don't, no one will remember you." The sky rumbles with thunder, and a sob escapes my mouth. "I can't handle it anymore!" I shout, tears leaking from my eyes. "I can't, I can't, I can't."

My voices gets quieter with each word. "I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry I couldn't help, but I need to move on. I love you Chase, with all of my broken heart."