Bullied By The Omaha Boys

Chapter 14: 5 Stages Of Grief

LEAH'S POV

There are five stages of grief,

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

They say those are the five stages of grief but I disagree. Frustration should be some where in there. As I stand here completely numb staring at the sad faces of Emily's loved ones I start to feel denial. I just don't believe that this is all happening. Soon anger swoops in and I think of jack. This is all because of Jack and then I become frustrated realizing I cant do anything about it now. My body moves almost robotically.

I stepped down from the podium and returned to my spot in the crowd. After a few more stories we were escorted to the burial ground. I always remembered this being the worst part of a funeral. Just knowing my best friend was being placed in the ground for me to never see her again. We stood around her casket and now it was time for my big speech.

"I always imagined me and Emily growing up and our children being best friends. Then i would imagine we would grow old and be those happy old people at McDonalds who chat over a cup of coffee and a burger. But clearly thats not how things ended up. As much as i am going to miss her, I came to the realization that Emily is not gone forever. She is in my heart and she stands besides all of us today. She is watching over us and there every step of the way. Shes standing above us smiling and laughing as she would do if she was still here. Dont be sad its over, be glad it happened. Emily was always happy and im sure she wouldnt want us to be sad. Like i said before im so grateful to have been Emilys best friend but its not over yet Em. Im hoping you stay by my side while your having the time of your life in heaven." I finished and wiped away my tears and left a flower in her casket.

They closed it up after a few more speeches and then lowered her into the ground. I threw a piece of dirt, saying my last goodbye and watched as her casket became buried completely in dirt. I gave my condolences to her family and they thanked me for my beautiful speech and Sammy and I walked slowly to our car. The car ride to the park was silent and i dreaded having to speak to sad people again.

When we pulled into the park parking lot a large group of people were standing in the field with candles. I spoke shortly and said sorry to all of the family and friends and made up some kind of excuse to get out. I had enough sadness for a day. 

Sammy dropped me off at home, I had told him I just wanted to be alone.  As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling I start to find myself at the next stage of grief. Bargaining. I start to wish to give my life so she could have hers. If there was anything I could have done to save hers I would. But its too late and then anger and frustration  washes over me once again. Mom came into check on me as she does every 30 minutes. She looked traumatized. This past month has been crazy for all of us.

2 weeks past and I was still in denial that Emily was dead. But life goes on and I needed to continue so I walked into the court room as planned and sat down at the witness section. I wasn't very familiar with how courts work and how it all played out. I watched some judge judy but I still have questions left unanswered.

Both Jack's were going to be sentenced to death if found guilty but I think everybody in the court room already knew how it was going to end.  Sammy spoke about what happened and I did too. Teachers spoke and other students and then the judge decided both were guilty. It wasn't that long considering there was plenty of evidence. Jack and Jack were only on trial purely out of hope of escaping the inevitable.

But the unfortunate thing about inevitability is, there is no escape.