ShiVi FS - Rewrite The Stars

part 4

Shiva tightened his arm around her to hold her impossibly closer. Technically she wasn't his wife, not this Raavi anyway. She was expecting her enemy Shiva, but he wasn't that guy anymore. By now he's been her husband longer than they were just enemies. He sighed, unsure of how to comfort her as a friend. "Tu uthna kyun nahi chahti? I think that's pretty important at least every eight hours."

Raavi smiled, rolling her eyes at his lame joke. "Yeh woh sab kuch hai jo mujhe chahiye tha. A husband with kids in a beautiful house. Agar main uth jaati hoon toh yeh sab khatam hojayega aur iske doobara milne ki koi umeed nahi hai. Even if I am married to 'you'."

"Gee, thanks!" Shiva scrunched his nose in distaste for the comment. It's nothing he hadn't heard from her, but it was before they fell in love. Hearing it come from her after being married to her for so long hurt. He had to remind himself that this was apparently Raavi from a different time because he knew she didn't feel that way anymore.

She shook her head slightly as she sat up. "Tu jaanta hai ki mera woh matlab nahi tha. Ek time pe hum ek doosre ke jaan ke dushman the. Wasn't it weird to start a relationship with me?" Raavi faced him properly, interested in how a relationship like this even started if she didn't have feelings for him.

"It was spontaneous, but jab hua toh woh duniyaa ki best cheez thi. Hum weird ya awkward nahi the. In fact, hum ek doosre ko aksar kehte hain that our biggest regret is not getting together sooner." Shiva watched her try to process the information like a complex statistical equation. "I'm not sure how this happened, but I think that you're seeing your future for a reason. If you were hesitant about doing a sperm donor then, how do you feel now that you've seen this?"

Raavi sighed, thinking back on the day they had. Watching Shiva be responsible with the kids all day was so strange. He made everyone breakfast, broke up arguments, and managed their money and she felt out of place. Spending time with the kids was great for her at first. She was great at playing with Arnav and shopping with Ahaana was fun until she realized her decisions weren't exactly practical. "Confused.. I feel confused.." She whispered. "Mujhe laga tha ki main iss sab ke liye ready thi. I mean, I am. Main maa banne ke liye taiyaar thi.. Par ab mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai."

"Tu bohot acchi Maa hai! The kids love you so much and you're so much better at making decisions than I am. Kuch din pehle jab bacche school ke liye late ho rahe the toh maine unhe naashte mein chocolate de diya tha.. Jabki mujhe unhe fruits dene chahiye the! The point is.. We both make mistakes." Shiva laid his arm out across the back of the couch, playing with her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

"But at the bookstore, you handled it better than I could because.. Mujhe nahi pata tha ki main kya karoon. I froze. Woh chate the ki main decide karoon aur mujhe samajh nahi aaya ki main ka kahoon. A good mom would know what to do and wouldn't have promised so many books in the first place." It started to dawn on her the real responsibility of being a parent. Make quick decisions for your kids when they didn't know any better or lead them in the right direction. Raavi loved kids and she was great at taking care of the people she loved, but today made her feel unsure about having a baby.

The look of uncertainty and sadness on her face made Shiva's heart ache. Technically she wasn't his wife yet, but he still hated seeing her look so scared. There wasn't anything he could say or do to fix this when he didn't know how she ended up here in the first place. He sighed, pushing his hair back as he chewed the inside of his cheek. "Tera pehla din tha! Apne aap ko mat kos, yeh practice ki baat hai. I'm still learning how to be more strict about certain things. Humara bas saath mein ek routine sa bann gaya hai. But that's after seven years of being parents. Mujhe lagta hai tere liye rukna theek hoga. Parents bann-na bohot hi amazing cheez hoti hai.. Jab tu uss phase mein hogi tab! Par I don't think ki tu abhi wahan hai. You'll get there. Uss ghatiya si boutique job ko chhod aur kisi dhang ki jagah jaa.. Ek aisi jagah jahan tu khush ho. Focus on yourself. Maybe fall in love with your enemy Shiva and wait for him to be ready.." He noticed her lips tug into a small smile. Shiva moved his hand down her arm and gently took her fingers. "I know that if you decide to go through with the sperm donor you'll eventually learn how to be a great mom. Ready na hona koi gunaah nahi hai.. Par iss cheez mein rush mat kar."