I have always been cheerful,
My mouth can run miles and miles,
Words were infinite,
Even when I was chasing my breath,
I never stopped talking, yapping,
When I was younger,
I was energetic,
I play around all day, everyday in every week,
Sometimes my mom need to tie me up, just so I could stay at one place.
Years ago,
I was genuinely happy,
As a child, I was always ecstatic,
Not until darkness surrounded me,
I was abused and used by my closest family,
As a child I thought: this is normal, this is just the way it is, I am doing the right thing. for years after the cruel world took my innocence, I was blaming myself, I got addicted to things I hoped I didn't, for I grew up not having the opportunity to differentiate right from wrong, my morals swayed.
After I learned what I was doing,
After I get to know what was right from wrong,
I blamed myself; for being weak, for being naive, for being young.
Darkness took me for years,
I was devoid of feeling genuine feelings,
Devoid of thinking sincere thoughts.
After years of accepting the truth; the reality,
I start enjoying aloneness; solitude.
I was more happy when no one surrounds me,
I get anxious when people crowded me,
I keep on questioning myself more,
I got a lot of trust issues,
Unconsciously raised my walls,
Started developing violent defense mechanism,
My mind was and is a mess, but even so, I start to love myself more, I loved how brave I am, how strong I am, how I learned a lot, how understanding I am, how lovely I am. Darkness may surround me, may eat me, devour me, but I fought, I won, I strived.
7/12/22
