A Second Chance

the beginning,the middle,the end

I climbed down the beaten stairs of the bus, the harsh smoke filling my lungs. As I spotted my group they were scattered across the half broken benches outside the school gate. As Jack notices me, he shouts with as much Enthusiasm as you can on a crispy cold 1987 Monday morning. "Harry, my guy, come to join us .'' My ears not taking kindly to the jarring noise, sounds of my dad's words still ringing in them. "whats up big man" i say trying to put as much fake facade of energy into my words as possible. The others greet me and we fall into light banter. I zone out for the most part until I see him. "oi gay boy" i shout words laiced with sickly sweet venom. the others start snickering behind me " are you crying you're so pathetic" i say with a smirk . "aww are you going to go cry to your mommy" words filled with fake sympathy . Laughter erupts behind me as Leo turns on his heels escaping through the school gates, sorrowful tears thundering down his face. The part of myself that betrays me feels a ting of guilt but I quickly suppress it as I stumble into the school building toning out the chatter of the others.

The day goes surprisingly fast although I slept through a majority of my classes but hey I'm not really going to need science in the future because I'm gonna be a football player or at least that's what my dad says nevermind that doesn't matter. I continue my internal battle as I trudge out of the prison like school relieved to finally go home. As I walked along the jagged pavement which looked like it had enough I could relate. I saw Leo out of the corner of my eye. He was leaning against the cracked brick wall staring at nothing in particular. "hey gay boy you waiting for you bf" i tease. "i don't have a bf" he practically spat, "i know i'm just reminding you" a hint of sarcasm intertwined in my words. the sound of a car horn goes off and I look away, not waiting for his reaction. It was my dad's car. It was a polished black Cadillac cimarron with a custom interior who knew such a fancy car could hold so many potent memories. I held my breath as I opened the side door and split in.

As my dad drove away from the school I noted the tight grip on the steering wheel almost suffocating it. "Why were you speaking to him?" he said a dangerous tone in his voice. " I was just teasing him, dad" I said timidly, my voice weathering. " you know not to speak to his type he's a wrong-un" his voice shaking with rage. "i know im sorry dad" i say just above a whisper, "i did not raise my son to be gay never speak to him again, its like your trying to dystoy are perfect reputation do you evan know how hard i worked for that your so worthless why cant you just be like your brother !" he roared. The rest of the car ride was silent, not daring to speak fear rattling through my body. When we pulled into the spotless drive I all but walked into the house taking off my shoes to keep some form of dignity, and sprinting up the smooth stairs and flopping onto the comfort of my bed.

I lay there staring into the wall as if it personally offended me,replaying my dad's words in my head. He didn't mean it right. I wasn't ruining his reputation? my breath picking up, he loves me im not worthless right? my breath going quicker. he cant mean what he said i know hes gay- and thats wrong- but thats going to far. By now I'm rocking back and forth. He cares about me. I say. He cares about me. He cares about me. He cares about me. My voice raspy by now, my breathing calming, leaving me numb with tears staining my pillow. I sigh as I drift into the Unconsciousness of sleep. My dad's words haunt me "you're worthless".

morning calls me as my alarm screeches forcing my body to move, the sickly sweet smell of pancakes waft through my nose. That woke me up. I had fallen asleep without dinner last night. I looked at my warm bed calling me to hide in the safety of the sheets but my stomach grumbled in protest. I throw some clean clothes on and with caution trudge down stairs praying my dad has already left for work. To my dismay my dad is in the kitchen with an unfamiliar song playing in the background. Wait, hold on, my dad is cooking breakfast, that's my mum's job and where is she? "wheres mum" i call out my voice still scratchy from yesterday, he turns around a warm smile greeting me "she gone to work kid im making pancakes if you want one" he says words filled with genuine love.