My PauStell Crumbs | StellJun

Not a Centerfold Anymore

"Stell and Paulo's love was once vibrant, flourishing like a sunflower; however, one day, the affection faltered as one partner felt the invisible ties of love slip away. Despite Paulo's attempts to reignite their connection, he found himself drifting from Stell, leading to the unfortunate end of their romantic journey."

* * *

Writing became Paulo's solace amidst the loneliness that enveloped him. It ignited a fire within him, a light that fought against the encroaching darkness of despair. Words filled his pages, capturing the love he and Stell had shared, until one day, Stell declared that he no longer felt connected to Paulo.

One by one, Stell began to erase the shared moments they had woven into the fabric of his writing. With each keystroke Paulo made, Stell insisted on deleting his progress, pressing backspace as though trying to erase not just the words but their entire history together.

"Maybe you're out of ink?" Stell said one day, and for Paulo, the weight of that statement felt like another cruel twist of fate.

The pages that once brimmed with their shared story now lay blank, echoing the emotional damage he felt. Exhausted by it all, he retreated further into isolation, leaving his windows shut and doors locked.

Dust settled on the stories they had once crafted together and cobwebs clung to the chapters that had been brimming with life. The pain of it was overwhelming, yet he remained immobile, paralyzed by the shattered remnants of their once-cherished bond.

"Pau."

He turned his head, irritation etched across his brow, unsure of how to face the man situated in his side. "What? What the hell are you doing here?"

Stell sighed, a look of concern crossing his face. "You haven't eaten all day. I made your favorite sinigang."

"I'm not hungry! Go away! That's what you're always good at doing—running away!" Paulo snapped, aware that his words cut deeper than intended.

His heart stormed inside him, an eruption waiting to happen. He didn't want to unleash his anger on Stell, yet his frustration boiled over at the constant reminders of their failed relationship. Stell had already hurt him countless times; Paulo couldn't fathom why Stell kept returning to seek his presence.

"Pau, stop doing this to yourself," Stell begged, desperation emphasizing in his voice.

Paulo glared at him, his eyes brimming with bitterness. "Why are you even here? You're the one who broke us apart but what the fuck are you doing in my room?"

The guilt etched on Stell's weary face tugged at Paulo's heart, igniting a wave of conflicting emotions. "I can't just leave you like this."

"Then stay." His tone was icy, laced with pain.

Stell's gaze dropped. "I can't."

"Then fucking go away! I can do this on my own, just fucking get lost!" His words echoed in the charged silence, raw and unfiltered. "You dare say you can't leave me like this when you already did in the first place."

A single tear escaped Stell's eye, but he swiftly brushed it away. "Pau, look at you—"

"I know! I'm a mess, but I need to figure things out by myself. How can I do that when you keep prodding on my wounds? When I keep seeing your face? How can I let you go when you're like this?" The truth spilled out like ink from a pen, heavy with anguish.

"I-I'm just worried about you and I feel guilty that I just dropped your hands like this. I'm sorry..." Stell's throat hurts more as he suppresses another sob.

"I understand but you don't have to write with me to complete the remaining chapters. It's okay if you'll leave it hanging. Let me handle the rest of the pages," Paulo said softly, a touch of compassion sprinkling the tension. He then offered a bittersweet smile, voice was steady, and mirroring the calm he didn't truly feel inside.

Paulo longed for Stell to return his smile, to reflect even a hint of the warmth they used to share. But Stell only sighed and looked away, a confirmation of Paulo's fear—Stell was not coming back. He's too done and there's nothing he can do to make him stay this time.

"Just give me one last chance. Please," he pleaded, voice was trembling.

Stell stood, his brow furrowed in frustration. "Here we go again..."

"Stell, please... baby, just one more chance. We will fox this." The tears welled up in Paulo's bloodshot eyes. Vulnerability washed over him, a feeling he despised yet couldn't even hide.

"Five months, Pau. We've tried for five months but no matter what, we still sank out of the blue. We outgrow ourselves—"

"No! You fell out of love while I'm still here, caught in a loop!" Paulo retorted, looking away, feeling the reality settle like a heavy stone in his chest. "You're right, there's no point talking about this so please, leave."

He felt drained, as if the well of inspiration that had once fueled him had run dry. Despite holding onto his pen, the thought of writing felt like a horror he could not face. To stop writing was unthinkable; it was a part of him, yet he could not summon the energy to pour his heart onto the pages again.

"If loving him was a mistake, I'd willingly make that same choice again," he murmured to himself, searching for strength in the depths of his sorrow.

He buried his face in a desk cluttered with crumpled papers, his frustrations melding into his surroundings. His coffee lay forgotten, and he opted to drown his lingering feelings in bitterness instead along with his liquor.

The desire to write remained, yet he felt immobilized by the weight of Stell's memory. Even in his dreams, the specter of their past haunted him, leaving him to lament in silence. He could only weep for that.

"Perhaps I'm just his prologue, a fleeting moment in his story," he mused, forcing a smile despite his chapped lips. The realization settled over him like a cloak—he would always play a part in Stell's narrative, albeit a minor one.

For now, he would mourn the silence that filled the void left by their love. When the time came for him to write again, he resolved that his new story would not revolve around the foolishness of his past love for Stell.

"I wish you nothing but happiness," he whispered softly, kissing the photograph of Stell tucked away in his wallet one last time before placing it aside, ready to face the path ahead, hoping he can find the solace somewhere away from here.

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kababalik ko lang galing hukay, sakitan ang bungad :D anyway, hold your gear kasi may isa pa. sulitin na natin ito, promise fluff na ang mga susunod na ud, lels!