Continental Holiday

Chapter Six

In the room next door, Hermione was wide awake. Now that she had written down the evening's events in her journal, she walked to her window and stared at nothing in particular as she processed the night's events.

Ron and Hermione walked hand in hand towards the opera house at the end of the street. They were idly chatting about nothing in particular. Hermione was struck by how comfortable she felt. For it being their first real date of any significance, she felt no nerves gnawing at her. While on the one hand, it shouldn't have surprised her that much considering how long they had known each other; Hermione had to wonder, on the other hand, why this change in the relationship didn't make her the least bit anxious.

When they reached the opera house and found their seats, Hermione had a field day explaining all the intricacies of the opera to Ron. Ron, for his part, was genuinely curious. Though he typically struggled to understand the muggle world, the way that they amplified the voice with the building's design particularly intrigued him. Hermione was enjoying explaining it to him without his usual impatience towards her gushing.

They sat in companionable silence during the performance, Hermione leaning her head onto Ron's shoulder. Again she was surprised by how little reaction she experienced with her physical contact with Ron. She had fretted all afternoon while dressing how she was going to react when these things would happen, but she was consternated by the lack of any reaction in her. Maybe she and Ron would bypass all of those early relationship worries and feelings.

She spent the intermission talking to Ron about the plot of the performance and about their future career choices. Hermione was considering a wide variety of choices while Ron was hedged between helping George with the shop and being an Auror. It was so nice to be talking to Ron in civilized tones. She had always enjoyed his company when they weren't bickering.

After watching the final acts and heading back to the street, Ron suggested a walk in a neighboring park. Hermione gladly accepted and they walked for the better part of an hour and a half, talking about everything that came to mind: the opera, Hogwarts, past adventures, and everything in between.

It was while walking around the park that it finally hit Hermione. The reason why she felt so comfortable with Ron, the reason why it didn't bother her in the slightest that she was on her first real date and holding hands with the man she had pursued off and on for six years. Despite how happy she had been, despite how great it was to kiss him and spend tonight with him......she wsnt in love with him.

Oh she loved him. She loved him so much she would die for him. But she wasn't in love with him and that made all the difference. The previous day had been throwing a band-aid on what was already a foregone conclusion. He drove her crazy when they were fighting and yes he was a great kisser, but when it was just the two of them like tonight......there was nothing beyond her and one of her best friends.

In her heart she knew that she wasn't in love with him anymore and probably never would be again. She had given him so many chances over the years. All second year, the Yule Ball fourth year, both before and after Lavender (a pain shot through her chest at the thought of her dead dorm mate), after Dumbledore's funeral, and finally even after he walked out during the Horcrux hunt. Every time up until now he had dropped the ball.

She suddenly felt the overwhelming feeling of being tired. Tired of being let down. She was just now realizing it, but when he left the tent that night, he had given up his last real chance with her heart. She couldn't give him her heart anymore because she no longer trusted him with it. Not like that.

That was the real reason she had fought against the label. She could dress it however she wanted in her other cares and fears, but at the end of the day it was because she flat out didn't want it. It made her feel awful.