Rock Bottom

29

There's gonna be a lot of time skips coming up lol
Disclaimer: many triggering things mentioned

It's been a month since thanksgiving.

I'm now officially a month and 2 weeks pregnant but I'm lucky enough to not be showing yet, I still haven't told him, how could I?

We just landed in Kansas for Christmas to see his parents, I was hoping his mom wouldn't notice. It's been hard keeping Colby unsuspecting, I've still pleasured him and just kept telling him I wasn't really in the mood. Colby's mom and Dad were standing at the exit waiting for us, when her eyes landed on us she squealed and Colby ran to hug her. I smiled and greeted them both with a hug, things were going well.

After we greeted each other we drove back to his house and took our luggage up to his room. Sam and Colby were going to be going on a long trip for a year long project, in January they would be gone for 4 months filming everything. Then they'd be in different countries for 6 months and then be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I would be a whole year without him which means if I played my cards right he'd never have to know about the baby. I had an appointment set up to find out the sex in a few weeks, Kacey eventually found out and she's been helping me a lot.

I didn't know if I wanted to give it up for adoption or just finally tell him and deal with keeping it. Who am I kidding of course I want to keep it but maybe it's better not to. "Y/n?" I snapped out of my thoughts, "I'm sorry what? I zoned out." Colby smiled at me and pulled me into a hug, "Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded, "Yeah just jet lagged." He nodded, "Well it's dark out so we can eat and then go to sleep." I nodded and we headed downstairs, his mom had made pasta salad and potato salad for an easy dinner.

I thanked her none the less and we all ate, "This is amazing Lesa thank you." She smiled, "Would you mind helping with dinner dishes?" I smiled, "Of course not I'd love to help." She nodded and we all continued eating, Colby's brother was coming for Christmas in two days and I'd finally get to meet him. Once we finished eating me and Lesa started washing the dishes. Once the boys were out of ear range she turned to me and took my hands, "How far along are you?"

My eyes widened, "W-what?" She smiled, "Honey you were glowing when I saw you, I can tell you're stressed and that isn't good. By the way Colby acts I can tell he doesn't know so please, talk to me." I sighed, "I found out a month ago, the day after Colby mentioned not wanting a kid for years. And the day he found out about the year round trip." My bottom lip trembled as I tried not to cry in front of her, she pulled me into a hug.

"If you would just tell him he'd understand, honey I know it's hard but I know that he'll only get angry if you hide it." I sniffled, "I want to at least wait until after the holidays." She nodded, "Just don't wait too late. He isn't the type to leave you or get angry unless you hide it." I nodded, my heart was breaking everyday, I wanted to tell him so bad but I couldn't.

~A week later~

I was in the bathroom, I left my phone in Colby's room as I took a shower. My stomach was starting to grow out and I prayed he'd just think I was getting fat. I heard my phone ring and soon after Colby answered it, "Hello?" I got dressed in his hoodie hoping to hide my stomach, Colby left in a week and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him.

When I walked out Colby was sitting on his couch staring into the fireplace, "Hey baby, you okay?" I smiled but he wouldn't look at me, "Baby?" I tried to touch his shoulder but he slapped it away and stood up. Shook covered my face as I held my hand, "What the hell is wrong with you?" He scoffed, he wouldn't talk to me. I shook my head in disbelief as I turned around planning to head to my room but he gripped my wrist and spun me around making me sit on the couch.

"How long have you known? Clearly it's been a minute." My heart sank, "What? Known what?" He laughed obnoxiously, "Oh please! Don't even fucking try me Y/n. That was your doctor, you know the one you've been seeing! I know you're pregnant." Tears built up in my eyes, "You weren't supposed to-" He knelt in front of me, "Supposed to what? To know? Did you seriously expect me to never find out about my own child? I mean it is mine right? Or am I in the closet about that too?"

My eyes widened, "Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Yes it's fucking yours! I planned to fucking tell you but I had to work everything out my fucking self first! Yes I fucking hid it here look!" I ripped his hoodie over my head and threw it at him, "The fact that you even said that just makes this all the more clear. It took me so long because I knew you wouldn't want it, I knew it would ruin your life and I knew it would ruin us and I'd lose you! So I'm fucking sorry for keeping my problems to myself!" I pulled his door open as I sobbed walking down the stairs to my room.

His footsteps right behind me, Kat and Sam looked confused as I passed them but didn't push. "When the fuck did I ever say I didn't want it? Oh right I didn't because you never gave me the chance!" He slammed my door closed behind me as I grabbed my bag throwing in clothes and a few things I needed, "Where are you gonna go? Huh? You can't run away from every problem in your life-" I snapped, my hands landed on his chest and he flung into my dresser, I just shoved him but god my heart broke, I didn't mean to but he kept pushing me. I fell on the ground crying, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Sam opened my door with a worried look, Colby was standing there shocked.

I threw a shirt on and grabbed my bag and walked out, everyone called my name. My vision was blurring and I knew if I didn't pull myself together I would black out. This baby kept me emotional and it was harder to control everything, I got in my car and put my seatbelt on as I pulled out and started driving. I couldn't stop crying, I wished this wouldn't have happened to me. Why did it have to be me? I hurt Colby more than once tonight, I ruined everything for myself. I continued to ruin everything for myself. My vision was blacking out so I made myself slow down, I was about to pull over when something slammed into my car and I felt myself flip as my vision blacked out.

~

I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes, the lights were bright as hell and my entire body was sore. I tried to sit up but pain shot through my body, It was like I had laid in one position too long and everything hurt. I cried out hoarsely and someone moved next to me, "Y/n?" Memories flashed through my mind at his voice, "Oh fuck I'll get the doctor." My side went cold as he walked away, my head was pounding and I felt so cold. The bed was uncomfortable and I found myself missing Colby's bed.

"Ma'am? Can you hear me?" I looked over slowly to see a tall doctor, I slowly nodded and she smiled. Mike held out a cup to my mouth and I drank the water finally gaining my voice, "What..happened?" Mike and the doctor helped me sit up, "You left the house upset, Colby tried to find you but it was too late." I looked at him, "Y/n what all do you remember?" I looked at the doctor, "Everything he said but I remember feeling myself black out so I was pulling over and then everything went black."

She nodded, "Your memory is in tact, thats good. The accident happened a week ago. A drunk driver ran the red light and T-boned your car, you very luckily didn't break anything however..." She got quiet, "What is it?" I looked between the both of them, "You lost the baby..." Mike finally spoke up, oddly enough my heart didn't hurt as much as it should have. "I'll give you two a moment."

She walked out and Mike sat next to me, "Y/n?" I sniffled, "I know I should be upset...but..it didn't deserve to come into a world like this. I wasn't ready, I didn't want it...I don't know what Colby wanted." I started crying as I said his name, "He left me didn't he? I screwed everything up like normal." Mike shook his head, "Y/n stop." I looked at him as tears fell, "Y/n he loves you. Yes he left on the year round trip but that was because we made him, he knows what happened and he blames himself...I think this next year might be good for you guys, to stay apart and learn more about yourselves, I think you guys got too attached."

I gulped harshly, "Is he okay?" Mike gave me a soft smile, "He will be and so will you. Sam said he'll keep in touch with you and Colby will know everything you want him to." I nodded and laid back down, "I just want to sleep." He chuckled softly, "You've been asleep for a week...everyone's worried." I nodded, "Will you tell them I'm fine? That I just want to be alone." He nodded and stood up, "I'll go call them." I nodded and stared at the wall hoping to fall back asleep forever, I was depressed and I wanted Colby to lay with me.

But he wasn't here, everyone was gone. Kacey was back at school, my family was probably still in Florida, Mike was all I had. I sighed and closed my eyes hoping everything would be a dream.