The one who I thought I loved (fragment)

(Fragment)

As Rin and I got to the gym, where Prom was being held, I noticed; even though it was full of students in brightly beautiful, dresses and fancy, black and white suits, I couldn’t find Luka where we had decided to meet.

-Perhaps she’s late? - Rin said, also looking around next to me.

-I hope so. It’s not like her to be this late- I replied, pacing around nervously. She couldn’t have dumped me, right?

I supposed it was around 8 PM when I noticed that Rin started to stare to her left, then to me and once again to her left. This worried and stranged me, did she see her Ex? Or a ghost?

She proceeded to put herself in front of me, as if trying to get all of my attention to her, taking me by surprise.

-Hey. How about we go get uh… something to drink over there? - She said, pointing at the snack bar at the other side of the gym.
–You know, while we wait for Luka? - She sounded nervous, as if trying to distract me from something.

I looked down to her hands, noticing how she was fidgeting with them; she always does that when she’s nervous or hiding something.
Her distraction didn’t work… I still proceeded to look to the left, where Rin looked at before and that’s where I saw it… or actually… her, and how much do I wish to have listened to Rin that night.
My heart dropped instantly, the moment I saw Luka had come to Prom…, holding someone else’s hand.
Rin looked at me, I could tell that she also felt bad for what Luka had just done, could’ve also been because her distraction didn’t work as she planned it to, or maybe even both, but, at that moment, I didn’t really care.

-Miku… l-let’s go…- Rin said, with clear nervousness in her voice and softly tugging my arm. I now knew Rin cared for me, and that’s why she did it, but as I said, I didn’t care at the time, nor notice it.

I pulled my arm away from her and proceeded to walk up to Luka and her partner. Looking up close, I noticed that it was Gakupo; her ex before me.

-Oh. Hi, Miku! Nice seeing you here- Gakupo greeted me smiling.

I never really hated him. Never did he harm me in any way, he was a very nice guy, but, how I wished he could see Luka’s real intentions. Seeing him all giddy by seeing me would’ve bothered me a lot, but, he never knew about my relationship with Luka; actually, nobody but my mother and Rin knew about what I thought we had.
I let myself get controlled by my emotions the whole time, and how much did I hate it.

-Luka, what is this!?- I yelled, ignoring Gakupo’s greeting.
They both looked at me shocked.
–What are doing here with him!? - I loudly continued.

The music was loud enough, so no one else could hear me and avoid people from hovering all over us to see what was going on.

-Miku, what’s wrong? What do you mean? - Luka said.
- Oh! So now you decide to play dumb with me? – I angrily replied. – You promised me that we’d come to prom together! Yet you FUCKING decide to come hand-in-hand with someone else. Did you think I wouldn’t know!? –
I felt like crying, screaming, throwing everything in my way.

Rin immediately came for me. She held my hands, in an attempt to calm me down and prevent me from doing something I might regret. Both Luka and Gakupo backed away, as if I were some wild animal about to attack. Gakupo had this mix of confusion and fear in his face, while Luka looked at me as if I were crazy.

Luka chuckled nervously. -Uh… MIku, what are you talking about? I told you that I’d come with Gakupo tonight -
That was a lie, she was lying.
– You’re such a liar! Why do you continue lying and hiding in that fake nice-girl-mask of yo- I immediately stopped yelling as I started to cough hysterically. I put my hand over my mouth, to avoid the flower petals to fall out, but it didn’t help at all, in fact, I could feel the blood spilling on my hand. I didn’t care about Luka anymore.
All I felt was fear by seeing the amount of blood and a few pink rose petals on my hand and floor.

I looked up at Luka, who just looked at me with a face full of shock and disgust. I looked at Rin, who also was just as frightened as me. She was the only one who knew about my Hanahaki; she knew it was getting bad, however, she didn’t know it got that bad.
Looking around, I noticed that I have accidentally caused a scene in the gym. People were staring down at us…at me, they were talking to one another as more and more people gathered around to see what was going on.
I didn’t know how to react, I felt trapped, embarrassed, afraid… all I could do was run away from there, I didn’t want to be there at all anymore.
I feel sorry for not listening to Rin that night, for not ever listening to her. I can imagine how annoyed and perhaps useless she felt every time she told me to cut ties with Luka because of how toxic she was and how much harm she was causing me, even though I myself knew what I was and had gotten into, yet not ever taking in a single word she ever said. How much I wish to have apologized to her, because it is now impossible, and she’ll never know how sorry I am. She was always such a good friend, always there for me, she cared for me. I can’t help but feel so much sadness and regret, which I'll have to carry on with forever.

I miss her.

I barely got to the parking-lot, since I couldn’t run any longer. Even though it wasn’t even that far, my lungs felt like they were on fire. When had this awful disease take over me this badly?
I sat down on the sidewalk to catch my breath and walk to Mrs. Kagamine’s house. I’ve been living with Rin, Len and their aunt ever since my mother kicked me out after finding out my relationship with Luka.
I didn’t want to think at all about the way she had lied to me right in everyone’s faces and mine.
I heard footsteps coming towards me. At first, I assumed it was Rin, since Luka would of course be much happier to be with Gakupo than seeing the wrecked mess I was. But it wasn’t Rin as I thought and now wish it would’ve been.

-Hey- she said, looking down at me.
I glared at her; her beautiful, straight pink hair tied up in a neat bun with a her bangs nicely curled up , hanging on the sides of her face, her stunning sky blue prom dress shining underneath the lamppost above us and a soft touch of makeup on her features. Oh, how beautiful she looked and how envious was I that she couldn’t ever be mine. But, what did she want now? Hasn’t she caused me enough pain already?

-Mind if I sit down? - If I could go back in time and do something, I’d yell at her to go away, but, what’s done is done, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
She took my silence as a yes and proceeded to sit next to me.
–What do you want? - I asked, not wanting to look at her anymore.
–Harsh. But, whatever. I came to see if you’re okay-

That doesn’t make any sense, why did she care now and not before?
It must be pity, and I don’t fucking want it.

–I don’t want you to pity me, Lu – I couldn’t finish my sentence as I got interrupted by another coughing fit, followed up by spitting blood and pink petals on the concrete.
Luka looked at me disgustingly.
-You’ll end up dead if you don’t take care of that, you know? – She said. I rolled my eyes at her.
– And whose fault do you think it is? –  Luka stared at me in surprise and she just shrugged.
– I never asked you to fall in love with me – She was right. She didn’t, but it’s not like I could control who I like or not.