Separated

Broken

She woke to the empty restless feeling that refused to go. She checked if her pillow was still wet from the tears. No? She put it aside and folded her hands thankful for another day. Another day to breathe, smile and live in. For everyone. She stepped out of the four-posted bed in the east wing of the small palace of Bijolia. Home? No. The home was where he was, or so she had vowed ten days back. A smile filled her lips. Irony. Who knew she would be here now? Fate. Maybe. Her Payal alerted the daasi who stepped in to help her get dressed. The jewellery. The royal lehenga. The signs of marriage. She was braiding her long hair neatly in silence. She wished the Daasis would speak to her. Maybe, they were scared of what to tell. What would she tell a girl who was thrown out of her Sasural three days after her marriage? Clueless about her mistakes. Humiliated by the King and his Queen. What would she have told a girl whose husband abandoned her, for the mother she had loved like her own? The mother she wished to meet. What could they tell her, after her father died, because of her??? She closed her eyes to remain composed. It was disgraceful of a princess to cry like that. Disgraceful of a Rajputani, Mewar's Kunwarani. His wife."Ajabdeh..." Her mother's feeble voice made her turn. In the last week, she had aged a thousand years, yet smiled for her child. What an ungrateful child have I been to her? Ajabdeh wondered."Ji Maa?"

" Puja ki thaal taiyyar hai." She had said, reminding her again of two things. That her father was no more, her mother a widow was waiting for his last rites to be done. And that although she was here she was not a Punwar anymore, her rituals had ended on the third day after his death and she could go back to her bhajans. Her mother of all the people knew how important it was that Ajabde found solace in her God."Ji, Hum aate hai." She waited for everyone to disperse. Then from one of the many boxes, she took out a small silver box filled with vermilion. She didn't know why, ever since the fateful day, she had always hidden this box away from everyone and had filled her hairline in solitude time and again. Was she guilty of her mother? Or felt uneasy after he had "left" her? She didn't know. Filling her hairline with the vermilion of his name she hid it under the maangtika carefully. With a fake smile that still contradicted her heart, she stepped into the Puja room. Little Balwant was playing in the corridor outside as she stepped out of her room."Ajabdeh." The familiar voice made her turn as Saubhagyawati stepped into the room, her puja thali in hand."Hum ne socha aj apse Krishna katha sunn lete hai, islie puja apke saath karne aa gaye." She smiled an innocent smile."Aapko kal bhi Sita ka katha sunna tha na?" Ajabde's smiling question made Saubhagyawati's smile disappear."Ji... woh... hum..." She looked away as Ajabde held her hand in hers,"Hum e pata hai aapko lagta hai hum akele hai, aap islie aati hai. Aapko hamesha humare chinta karne ki avashakta nahi hai, hum theek hai saach." She smiled a convincing smile."Nahi nahi Ajabde, hum toh... sach mein... dekhie, puja ka samay ja rahi hai apke inn vyarth baton se." She sat down with her thaali. "Chaliye katha aur bhajan sunayiye.""Acha theek hai." Ajabde settled down at the feet of Kanha and his Radha."Oooo Tum hi toh ho bas tum hi toh ho... Dhaara gagan mein tum hi toh ho...." She took the marigold garland and placed it on the idol."Wriday nayan mein tum hi toh ho... Mann mein ho tum har shann mein ho tum mere.... Kann kann mein ho tum...." She looked at the idols as her eyes twinkled. Although she sang for Kanha, Kanha knew her heart's secrets."Kanha bolte... Main hi toh hoon bas main hi toh hoon, paas tumhare main hi toh hoon, saath tumhare main hi toh hoon, aas mein main, aur saas mein main, vishwas mein main hi hoon." She placed the Prasad Saubhagyawati had made. Her friend smiled." Antarmann ki chah yehi tum ho jaha meri rah wahi..." She smiled adding "Aise Radha bolti."

"Jo hai mera sab arpaan tumko, vyakul naina hai darshan ko..." She blinked her eyes to control the tears."Vhau mein swar mein tum hi toh ho aathon peher mein tum hi toh ho." She did the aarti and took the Jalkalash and walked silently through the corridors to the Tulsi manch. Saubhagyawati followed."Radha ka prem... unka tapasya... Kanha ko har baar untak laati thi..." The palace again filled with her melodious voice as she watered the Tulsi plant."Wreet preet ki sadiyon Puraani, mitt gayi lekin haar na maani..." She smiled as she folded her hands." Radha kehti... itna hi baas tumse kahungi... Jeet ke hi main tumko rahungi...." She placed the diya at the Tulsi manch and her eyes travelled to Fort gates that were shut."Hoke vivash phir aoge tum, chod ke phir na jaoge tum..."