Why am I too op!

Wait it's not Dave? It never was

Patrolling the Florida sewage system almost makes you wish for an alligator although....maybe it wasn't my best choice? No shit it was an alligator what did I expect it of course pulled ma fucking arm off! (and also it touched ma wewe it felt very satisfying that I almost nutted in it's jaws.....what are you looking at? I am just an average Japanese with an immigrant family living in Florida look away dumbass!) But before I continue to blow ma load of meth fuelled rage there was one question.....where in the jiggly wiggly fuck was I?

Looking around all I found was nothing!....what was I standing on then? Fuck if i know and fuck anyone who knows....although suddenly a very bright light came and ma poor eyes! W-Who in the fuck did this! what in the holy methus fucking drugist are you trying to awaken? That one actor in a youtube prank video! (I mean holy shit that fucker is so fucking blind that light escapes his eyes)

Suddenly the light died thank fucking methus! And a powerful voice was heard....what is this an isekai anime? Actually never mind if this was an isekai anime I would have already been the host of the 69th tailed cookie and defeated the final boss by giving him the middle finger....and you know what fuck it! I will be one of the weirdos who name there attacks so I shall name it fuck fucking fucker fuck your motherfucking fuck fucking orphan living in fuck fucking Detroid...beam! that a lot of F's! (Ironic because I would have killed them) anyways what was I doing here? Oh yeah talking to maself!

??????:come here my child

Holy shit....he just interrupted ma thoughts!.....also ma mother cheated on ma father! first my co-worker gives me free meth then I get ma wewe touched by an alligator and now ma mother cheated on ma father with some dave wannabe what a weird fucking day however seeing ma silence the Dave started approaching me...Oh ho you are approaching m-Ahhhhhhh f-u-c-k y-o-u

that was the Best words that I could sa- no no think of after all I can't talk remember? You don't because I didn't tell you however you may ask why can't I talk? Am I a fucking doctor to you? The Dave wannabe didn't think about that however as he continued to put his hand on ma hair what a fucking weirdo as expected because he said "my child" fucking British cunt but suddenly he let go saying

??????:now my child speak

B-bitch do you think you are methus drugist or something you are just a Dave wannabe hiding in his mother's basement and I have to say.....what a large fucking basement she has! not surprising because she is YO MAMA but the Dave wannabe didn't appreciate ma fine thoughts as he spoke again

??????:my child why are you not speaking?

first of all it's ma child you silly British buffoon who says warrrer instead of water second....Will I dunno maybe because I fucking can't? Because if I could I would have already launched into the most inspiring and ear fucking speech in mankind (which mostly consisted of cursing ma lungs at you) and then tricking you with a classic deez nuts joke and to prove this I will try to mutter a very classic phrase

Mc:fuc- holy fucking shit I can talk

the Dave wannabe seemed to smirk in victory poho....me feel very sad me want hurt dave wanna be wiz gunai....anwyays ignoring the stroke no STROKES that I gave to ma second grade English teacher to the ear fucking rant we go!

Mc:you are out of uniform cuthulu! where is you-

Seeing where this was going Dave wannabe (now called cuthulu the irony!) closed ma mouth with the power of the infinite sky wizard of bullshit or whatever....what the hell Dave wannabe! I was about to do a pro gamer move! No wonder you say my child you simply suck too much to comprehend the divinity of "ma child"

Cuthulu:my child.....you are a weird one aren't you?

Weird? What weird is that an insult Dave wannabe! Ma dad can beat your dad and unfuck ma mother from your tiny sausage! (aka just rubbing his big sausage along the lines) say weird infront of ma face Dave wannabe! Oh wait you can't your sausage is too small also it's ma child! Why don't people listen to ma words about this.....oh wait I can't speak....Why can't they listen to ma thoughts then?