Hello, Goodbye, and Everything In Between

Chapter 2 - Colors

Aika breathed a sigh of relief when the last of their guests had left the venue. 

Some of their relatives were still around, along with some of their staff, but she didn't have to be in charge of anything anymore. Her eyes scanned the room for Cassie, but she was nowhere in sight.

"Ma, I'll go ahead. Do you need anything pa ba?" she was exhausted, but she couldn't end her night without talking to her girlfriend. 

That was her last plan for the night - go to Cassie's room before heading home.

"Hindi, okay na. It was a beautiful day, Aiks. I'm sure your papa is happy about everything you've done. I'm proud of you." her mom touched her hand lovingly. 

Her parents always spoke about how proud they were, but she didn't know she needed to hear that tonight. "Sige na, pahinga ka na. Diba maaga ka bukas? If may oras ka pa sabay tayo mag breakfast."

"Try ko po if maaga ako magising. 9AM daw kasi kami aalis bukas. Sabay na kami ng ibang staff nyo pabalik ng Manila." She wished she could stay in Naga longer but other things were waiting for her back in the big city.

"Oo nga, kanina ko pa sila pinayagan umakyat sa rooms nila." Aika perked up on her mom's news. At least now she has an idea where her girlfriend could be. She's hoping Cassie was still awake and was willing to talk to her. 

She bid her mom goodbye again, hoping none of her sisters were riding home with her. "Ay Aiks si Jillian pala kasabay nyo na bukas. Hindi na kami matutuloy sa plan namin. May kailangan kami tapusin ni Cassie dito. Mag-extend muna kami ng two days."

"Okay po. I'll tell Jillian to prepare for an early day bukas." She kissed her mom goodbye and left the hall. 

[Can I see you tonight?]

The reply came in just before she could reach the elevator. 

[See you in Manila.]

Aika was never one to force anyone on what she wanted; part of her upbringing was to follow orders and always think of what was best for everyone. 

So, against her wishes, she drove home. She immediately cleaned up and prepared for bed when she got home. Just as she finished, she saw Tricia coming into their shared room.

"I didn't see you leave the venue. Asan si Jill?" she asked her sister.

"Nagpahangin lang kami ni Martin. Si Jill sumama sa room nina Sinta. Pagbalik namin sabi ni mama umuwi kana kaya nagpahatid na rin kami pauwi. Oh, sabi pala ni Kuya Jeff hi raw di na sya nakalapit sayo kasi ang busy mo." Silence. 

"Okay ka lang, Te Aiks?" Her sister looked at her with sympathy. She's really grateful for her sister, especially during hard times like this.

"I think I need to visit that red velvet place you were saying pagbalik ng Manila. Ayaw ni Cassie makipagkita tonight. I thought we could meet before ako umuwi pero she said we'll see each other sa Manila na" she says sadly.

"Did you convince her at least to meet you kahit 30 minutes lang?" Tricia asked but was met with silence. "Hay nako ate. Minsan naman kasi ipilit mo naman yung gusto mo hindi yung pag sinabi no, sunod ka kaagad. Bakit samin ni Jill makulit ka?"

"Maligo ka na nga. Baho mo na." She dismissed her sister with a laugh. It was easier when it came to her siblings. 

She could force her way to let them do things, but it's a different story when it comes to her personal needs and wants.

"Oo na. Pero te, seryoso. Call her." Patty kissed her forehead before leaving her alone in the room. 

She continued her night routine but couldn't take her eye away from her phone. Sige na nga.

Aika settled on the bed before she dialed Cassie's number with hesitation. First ring. Second ring. Third. Her call was left unanswered. 

She tried again but still nothing. She was about to give up when she saw the incoming FaceTime notification. Finally.

"Hi." She greeted Cassie shyly. Honestly, how should she start the conversation? If Cassie didn't want to meet earlier, it could only mean she wasn't ready to talk yet. "Are you going to sleep na?"

"Aiks—" Cassie's voice broke. It was then that Aika noticed the tear-stained face of her girlfriend.

"Cas, about nung kanina—" she tried to explain but stopped when she saw the face Cassie made.

"I just returned the call to say good night. I know this day is already tough as it is, ayokong dumagdag pa. This day is for you dad." Aika didn't respond. "I'll have to stay behind kasi may need kami asikasuhin ni ma'am. Take care on your way back to Manila. Just in case di kita ma text tomorrow morning."

"You take care too, and take care of my mom." She was relieved to see the tiny smile appear on Cassie's face. A small win for tonight. "I love you."

"Love you." Her brows furrowed at that. She and Cassie had an agreement to only say "I love you" because it was more sincere. Semantics, she knows.

"I love you." She repeated her words.

"Good night, Jessica." the call ended right after that. Aika could only sigh. She understands why Cassie feels the way she feels. 

If tables were turned, she might've acted the same way as her girlfriend.

Tricia went back to their room and laid down with her without a word. She might've been waiting for the call to end before coming in. 

"What if papa was around, gaano kaya ka different yung mga buhay natin?" Aika broke the silence.

"Do you mean mas private ba ang mga buhay natin? Trish went straight to the point. 

"Honestly, I can't imagine gaano kaiba yung buhay natin if papa was still here. Kasi nga diba kahit andito pa sya public service pa rin naman yung core value ng family natin. Sometimes gusto kong maging selfish at manghinayang kasi ever since kahati na natin ang mga tao sa attention at pagmamahal ng parents natin. If we left the country, if he didn't become the DILG secretary, baka buo pa tayo ngayon." Aika shared the sentiment. 

They couldn't help but think of the what-ifs sometimes, after all, they were only human. 

"Pero I know papa wouldn't like it if we thought of it that way. Hindi rin naman nila kasi ipinadama na kulang yung pagmamahal na binigay nila sa atin kasi mahal nila ang bayan."

"Paano kaya yun? How could they make us feel loved wholly kahit na andami nilang kailangang i-fulfill para sa bayan? Nakaya nilang i-keep tayo out of the limelight kahit na nasa public service sila . Pwede pa kaya yun ngayon?" If only she could do the same. Why can't she do the same? 

She wants to love Cassie fully, but she has too many shoes and roles to fill. She wants to share her life with her but also has their name to protect.

"Some battles require more strength, some fights need more courage. At the end of the day, gusto lang naman natin magmahal at mahalin - ng bayan o ng loved ones natin" She couldn't agree more with her sister.

"When did you get so wise?" She asks Tricia, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm always wise anong sinasabi mo. Di lang talaga ako magaling sa math. Dito binawi ni Lord" there's the witty comeback she expected. Just then, the door opens revealing Jillian.

"Oh good, gising pa kayo." Jillian says before settling herself in between her sisters. After a long and tiring day, they finally got their alone time. 

Aika needed this, a moment with the people who share the same grief, nostalgia, and love for this day. Just for a second, she forgets the woes of her heart. She finds comfort in the presence of her sisters. 

They stay snuggled on the bed, despite how cramped together they were. And that's how their mom finds them when she arrives at their home some minutes later.

Some pains don't heal through time, but you learn to handle them better. For now, she'll have to deal with her family's pain, hers could wait a few days. 

Cassie, one day makakaya ko na rin na ipaglaban ka. Pero sana lang may ilalaban pa.

Song Inspo: Colors - Amos Lee