Thoughts Written

Suicide?

"Deal with suicidal thoughts."
I never knew I'd be so disgusted with four words to make once sentence in my entire life. The sentence starts with a verb, then a preposition. I would like to think suicidal is a noun, because the definition of noun is a person, place,thing, or idea. Suicide is an idea, but maybe being suicidal is an action. Thoughts are the noun, suicidal isn't. Suicidal describes the thoughts, it's an adjective.

I see this on tumblr all the time. Im dealing with my thoughts. I disagree with this statement. I'm not dealing with my thoughts, I'm embracing my thought. I'm encompassed by my thoughts.

Today I was thinking about suicide. This feeling always comes on around the middle of the week. I can't down pills because God forbid I drop dead at school. I can't get my pile of homework done because I'm contemplating suicide and whether or not I should do it.

Sometimes I wish it all went away. My thoughts, others' opinions, ridiculing, drama. All of it, gone. You know what can help that? Suicide. Suicide catches the attention of numerous people. The word, not the people saying the word. It's disheartening to see so many people want to die.

But I am one of those people. I want to down a bottle of pills and mix them with another pill so I can finally be at rest.

It has to be certain though, because if it isn't certain it is frowned upon and you will be looked at worse than before. You will be under close surveillance and perhaps be put into a mental institution.