Not my body | l.s.

6

Since then we have been spending time with each other more and more.

Today it was maybe our 10th date and Harry decided to ask me to come over once again. He said he had a surprise for me. I was excited and scared at the same time. I still haven't mustered up the courage to tell him the truth about me.

I found myself standing in front of his door with a single rose in my hand.

I knocked and could hear him exclaim something from the other side.

The door opened, relieving my- well my- I don't know, Harry.

"Hey Lou." he chipped.

"Hey Harry." I smiled, coming inside.

"This one is for you." I gave him the flower.

"Ah, thank you. That's so sweet. Come on in." he closed the door, walking into the kitchen to put the flower into water.

When I entered the room I saw the fairy lights were turned on, there were plates prepared on the conference table, two champagne glasses and the bed was neat.

Harry came to the conference table with the rose in glass and a candle that he had previously lit up.

After that he turned towards me, giving me a peck on my lips.

"Lou." he whispered. He seemed different today...

"Haz?" I arched my brow at him.

"What do you say?" he asked sheepishly.

"What?"

"You don't like it?" he looked back on what he had prepared for us.

"No, I do! I do indeed." I grabbed his hands in mine.

"Really?" he asked unbelievingly.

"Yeah, everything you do is perfect."
that made Harry chuckle.

"Okay, let's eat a bit now." he went into the kitchen to grab a pot full of some food.

I couldn't escape that weird feeling during the dinner. The way Harry was all giggly, the way he decorated the place...

Was he planning for something to happen between us tonight?

When we finished eating I grew even more nervous.

I was blankly staring on the floor of Harry's room while he moved towards me,
capturing my lips.

I kissed back but it was like it wasn't even me.

"Lou." Harry mumbled against my lips before kissing me again. This time I didn't kiss back. I was staring somewhere into the darkened room while thinking if I made a mistake.

Harry noticed it and that resulted in him pulling away.

"Louis?"

"Mhm?" I mumbled in response.

"What's wrong? You don't like it?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"Harry..." I sighed.

"You don't." he was about to get up and take the dirty plates away but I caught his wrist, pulling him down on the bed again.

"I like you so much. You are the best person I could ever meet." I meant every word.

"But what's wrong then? Do you not want it yet? It's okay if you don't. You just have to tell me."

"Harry I would love to-" I cut myself off, staring into his hurt greens while thinking about my next words.

This was stupid of me to do. He will never want someone like me. What am I supposed to do now? It shouldn't have gotten this serious. I would love to be with him, to keep him happy with me but I couldn't if I was like this, if I was broken.

"I don't know how this happened." I got up from the place where I was previously seated.

"What?" he looked up at me in confusion.

"I am not the right one for you Harry."

"What? Louis stop. I like you more than anyone." he got up as well. His eyes were welling up with tears quickly.

"Don't leave me." he tugged on my sleeve.

"I am sorry I hurt you but this just- has to stop. I am sorry." the sight in front of me broke my heart.

Harry was full on crying, following me into the doorway.

"Louis, I am sorry, I didn't mean to. I thought- I am sorry, please stay with me. We can just cuddle like we always do. I want you with me, please." he was faltering.

"You will find someone who will give you the world. It's not me. It never was me."

"It was and I think it always will. You will be the only one so dear to my heart."

And as those words left his mouth I walked out, still hearing Harry's broken sobs.

It truly broke me.

I couldn't stand when he was crying. I felt terrible for not being able to tell him sooner. I shouldn't have done this at all.