I adore you /featuring Larry

Chapter 5

My alarm clock shat me up again.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty shitty, I could definitely tell my depression was back. 

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I picked out so many flaws about myself that I didn't even know I had. Again, I cut myself 5 more times, adding more and more fresh cuts. I was running out of bands to wear on my wrists. I was going to have to resort to wearing long sleeved jumpers.

I left the bathroom and put on a white polo shirt and a light grey Ralph Lauren jumper, light brown skinny chinos and white hi-tops. I'm looking okay I guess. I did my hair in the usual quiff, like Zayns but much less like a ski slope. I didn't have anything to eat, I just picked up my backpack and left for school. Definitely not myself today.

Ugh why do I want to cry so much today.

I put on my black rayban sun glasses to try and hide the redness of my eyes because of the tears I was holding back. When I entered the school gates, nobody looked at me. Thank-god.

I walked to Science and sat at the back of the class room near the window, I knew that Zayn was in this class, I didn't want him seeing me like this. 

Zayn walked in on his own looking hotter than ever, he was wearing a black tight t-shirt, black skinny jeans and white hi-tops with a leather jacket. He walked over to his seat on my table opposite me. He smiled, I weakly smiled back. I could tell by the vibe that he knew something was wrong.

"Niall Horan, can you remove them glasses please" A teacher scoffed at me

"Um.."

"Now or you won't be getting them back, your choice"

Fuck sake. Why does it have to happen, today of all days. The day where I'm trying to hold back tears. My eyes must be so fucking red. Fuck you school.

I removed them, hoping that nobody would notice. How wrong was I?

Zayn stared at me. The tears were building in my eyes.

"Mr Horan are you okay? Is this because I asked you to take your glasses off?" The teacher laughed

"Fuck you, and fuck this school. I'm done" I shouted

I grabbed my backpack and rammed my glasses on my face and stormed out. Trying to hold these tears back was so hard, in the end I let them fall. I was now running down the hallway with a familiar voice shouting after me. 

"NIALL, NIALL WAIT!" 

I didn't stop, I kept running, I ran to Louis class, he noticed me outside and ran out as fast as he could. 

"Lou, it's happening again, I can't go through this, it's back and it's worse. Lou help me please" I panted and broke down into his chest.

Lou knew exactly what I as talking about and he grabbed my wrists and his mouth fell open. 

Harry's class was opposite and he came running out, and a few seconds later, Zayn comes running down the corridoor. This must of been a right sight, me and Louis on the floor and Harry stood above us and Zayn trying to catch his breath.

Way to go hopeless Horan.

"What the fuck do you two want? It's probably your fault he's like this. Can't you just fucking leave him alone, can't you see he's upset" Louis scoffed. 

"Yes we can fucking see he's upset and yes we fucking know it was our fault. If you haven't realized me and Niall are okay now, we speak fine and we speak regularly, you'd of known that if you hadn't skipped school for a few days!" Zayn barked back

Harry was just stood staring at Louis. He clearly did have a huge crush on him.

Louis sighed and I could tell him his voice he had some guilt and regret there. 

I got up and walked down the corridoor and walked home. Obviously the boys followed me home. 

I looked next to me on the road and Zayn, Harry and Louis were driving next to me.

"Get in the car, it's freezing and it's raining. You're going to get ill!!" Harry bellowed 

Ignoring them all, I walked further and walked into my house locking the door behind me. I ran upstairs and grabbed the razor I'd been using, rolling up my sleeve, I stared at my cuts and I added at least 10 more to my collection, they looked like step ladders. 

A few moments later, blood was dripping everywhere, and there was banging coming from outside, I knew it was the boys. I went downstairs after I'd calmed down and opened the door.

"What" I said bluntly

All three boys stood and stared at me with their mouths swinging open. 

"What.."

I followed their eyes and realized I'd forgot to pull my sleeve down.

Zayn grabbed me and dragged me to the kitchen sink, Harry grabbed my arm and Louis put the cold water on.

I winced in pain.

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Half an hour later, we was all sat on the sofa, I was cuddled up next to Louis, he had his arm around me. I told Louis everything, I even told Harry and Louis about Zayn being bisexual, he didn't seem to mind. Harry was a little shocked though but he was proud. Zayn told me and Louis how he was sorry, Louis was quick to forgive but I didn't really know what to feel.

Louis took advantage of the truth telling time to take Harry into the kitchen and tell him how he felt. Good luck Boo.

Zayn moved closer to me.

"Niall, please I'm sorry. When I saw you in Science, you gave me butterflies, I've never had that with anyone before. I'm in love with you, I know you're broken but I can fix you. I promise. Please stop this, you're gunna end up hurting yourself" Zayn begged

I stared at him, not knowing what to say, I ran my fingers across my fresh cuts. If I'm totally honest with you, it was Zayn's fault I'm like this. Beating me up for 3 whole months, then all of a sudden loving me? It was all too much. The kiss the other day clearly didn't help the situation. I didn't know what I was feeling, I was so confused. I know for certain that Zayn loves me and that's probably the only thing I do know.

"Hm, I don't really know what I feel"

"Then let me find out?"

Zayn moved closer to me and gently brushed his lips past mine until we kissed, it started off slow, I got those sparks and firework things again, the ones that I got before. I also had butterflies in my stomach. 

Our lips were still perfectly moulded together and it was still perfect. I didn't want it to end. But just like every other human, we have to breathe. We pulled away, I smiled at Zayn. Maybe I do like him?