Recording 🔴

the letter

Tw// suicide

Dear Jisungie,

Jisung bit his lip hard. His eyes quivered and he felt an overwhelming uncomfortable squeeze of his heart that beat hurriedly in his chest. He carefully unfolded the rest of the letter, his hands clammy and suddenly unable to move.

If you're reading this then you have probably already met my lawyer, Mr.Jeon. he was a nice man, very friendly and concerned. He was also a close friend which is why I went to him specifically with this letter.

I'm probably already dead. Writing this letter seems so cliché and ass but I really needed to i guess. I couldn't just leave the world behind and not tell anything right?

God jisung you have been my best friend for so long but i swear i love you more everyday and not the best friend love. I fell for you...

Like so hard. Sometimes I feel like just reaching inside my chest and placing my heart in your hands. Though it would be gross and severely unhygienic. But really there is not enough words for me to describe my feelings for you. I don't know or care that you might not feel the same. And maybe I would've had more peace dying if I had known you at least had some feeling for me if not love but what's done is done and however much you want to change it I'm sorry its not going to happen.

Jisung choked on his sobs. Face red and chest tight. His heart physically breaking into the shards of glass that could never be fixed. He kept the paper away from his face lest any drops of tears landed on the paper and swirled the impossibly handsome writing of his beloved.

I want to say that there are many reasons as to my very gruesome decision here. But really all I felt was dirty. I felt used and disgusted. I never told you this but my dad has abused me physically since I was small. I have never shown you my bare body because I fear you will run off out of disgust of the dirty blue, purple and yellow hues surrounding the marks of my dads anger.

I'm not sure if that was a good enough reason because there are many others who have way worse than me yet here I was complaining about measly beatings when I have at the very least a house to live in and a food to feast on. I do not say this to you for you to get angry on my behalf but i hope you know that you should never in your whole life let anyone do this to you.

I want you to live life and not let anyone make you feel disgusted with your life. I love you so much Jisung and I would break from the restraints of my soul to come get you if you ever do that to yourself.

And as much as this is hard to say i know you will have to move on if you ever had feelings. Move on Jisung. Don't ever let me hold you down. Keep me with you in your heart and let your being live.

May you live greatly in your life and accomplish all that you have waiting for you.

Love
Lee minho hyung :)

Jisung's sobs ripped through his throat as he sat on his bed. His wails floated down the hallways and into cozy homes whose hearts jumped at the cry. Mr.Jeon who was sittng in the living room teared up. His heart squeezing hard with the knowledge that he should have stopped his friend when he had known. His head kneeled in between his legs as his own tears of sorrow and grief and guilt burned his cheeks.

Jisung still sobbing went to the living room and next to Mr.jeon he sat. He wrapped his arms around the other and the other did the same. They both sat there crying with all their heart, never once saying a word.