Manmarziya

1

Nikita Sutar

I twisted my lips, the one way to stop myself from bursting out into tears. I looked at my joint family and then there I received a tight slap from my own father and the tear I was holding back, begin to rush in the flow, I whimper from the pact. My vision blurred and my feet felt numb, for once I really want to end up my life. I do not want to live. I was thrown into the room and I fell on the floor. Every bone in my body was aching, with all the exertion and beating I got. There were 11 sets of eyes on me but none dare to come and stop everything that was happening with me.

Am I that shameful to them?
Even to my mother?
When my eyes collided with her, she has worn no expression, like her child been beaten is nothing, don't her soul get hurt looking at vulnerable me?
How come I still have love for these people, When they can't even protect me, and just had sympathy in their eyes?

My thoughts were pulled back, with the shutting of the door.
"No one is allowed to open this door. No One." My father said in his stern voice.
Who is going to disobey him?
No one.

I was left alone.
All again.

With the blink of an eye, I was drag back to my so called 'home'.
Is it really my home?
This home has snatched everything from me, my love, my friends, my dreams, everything.

Despite of following every restriction and every god damn rule, where it landed me?
In my four square room.

I gulped down my own saliva. I pulled myself and cried historically, Idk when it will end.
The day I die?

What did I ever do wrong?
I have never rebelled with them, I have always put forward their priorities, I have always got good grades, I have learned cooking even before I understand the word cooking. I always made them happy.

But. But, were they actually happy with me?
My head scream 'NO'.

As the days passed, and I hit my 20. My father started searching perfect groom for me. Never once he asked, if I am ready?
Do I want to study further?
Nothing.

One fine day, I asked my mother.

'Why there is need to marry me, My every other friend are planning for their higher education?' I asked her, while chopping the tomatoes.
Well, that was the only time and place where I can talk to her. She is busy all the time with the house course and making delicious dishes for my father.
'Its your father decision.' She replied.
'But Maa, I have good grades than them.' I confessed. Hoping she would actually appreciate me and stand for me.
'Go and call Nandu.' She said completely ignoring my confession.
'But Maa, I want to study, I am not ready for the marriage.' I said so slowly and carefully, not to forget fearfully, just in case if the air in this kitchen run back to my father and whisper it to him. I would be good as dead.
'This girl can't even do the thing I said.' She said and left the kitchen.

I felt the pang of hurt then. But now, My heart is burning.
I am 23 and I had successfully eloped from the jail, known to be 'HOME'.
I had got the good offer from a company and they want me to join them. I was shell-shocked that I got placement in such a good company. My sleepless nights were paying off.
Truth to be told I was never fine leaving my family behind, but I could not afford to loose this opportunity.
I had nothing to gain.
I lost my love.
I lost my friends.
But, I could not afford to loss my dream.

I looked at the blank space and my mind reverse back to that time.

*****

So??
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