FICKLE HEART

Fickle The Fickleness

I stare holes into the side of Elon's face. He was driving. I was at his side. He was taking me to Chanonry Point. The place to see dolphins. Yeah, I remember I had work to do. A travel article to submit by the end of the month. I hadn't even made a word, let alone a sentence on the blank word document that sat on my laptop.

"We are having great weather so there is a high percent chance for a high tide. You will get to see the dolphins up close from the shore." His hand jerks the gear shift to a higher number. I hold my breath. We were acting like he hadn't mentioned wanting my freedom in the palm of his hands in the bathroom early this morning.

I still continue to glare at him. I was pissed. He needs to acknowledge it. We aren't going on a family vacation here. We need to address this bizarre situation. When he finally glanced my way, his eyes turned molten and then stared ahead. "Do you know what happens when you stare at me like that?"

"What?" I say through my teeth. Unfamiliar flames lick at my skin. We are about to play.

"Things with you screaming please at the end of it." It was vague. So ambiguously deadly and yet my mind wandered into the dirt lane where I see myself spread out for him, Elon towering over my form. Bucking into me which shakes my boobs going up and down. Up and down. Shut up!

I unconsciously reach up and touch the side of my neck. Replaying what had occurred. How he had held me. How he had kissed my neck. I have never been kissed there before. It was beginning to feel like my new favorite friend. Arousal seeping into me and I put my hand down. I clench my hands over my thighs. How have I become some randy teenager all of a sudden?

"You blush. Are you thinking about today morning?" His voice was gravelly. I squeeze my thighs as I stare ahead. Ignoring his words. He continues either way, uncaring that I may or may not be listening. It was almost like he was talking to himself. "I can't stop thinking about it either."

I am sure my eyes glaze. The dangerous thing about this man is he is not shameful about his attraction to me. It's out there. Awaiting for me like a Venus Fly Trap. Urging me to suck on its sweet nectar but I can't. I won't. Because it's all a trap.

I feel unsettle and I rub the skin of my thigh. Anything to keep me from doing something incredibly stupid. Like musing up his hair as he sucks on my neck.

"I can't wait to sleep again with you in my bed." I close my eyes in tumultuous irritation. Will he stop? Will he stop talking like that? Not when I'm like this.

We finally reach Chanonry Point. The sky was a gorgeous blue. I had a hoodie on with black woolen tights. It was cold near the pier. I exhale out my hot breath and the cool wind seeps in, clearing my lungs. I start to walk to the shore and in the eye line, I see flying dolphins. The view was unbelievable. It's like you know what dolphins are. You have heard of them. Seen pictures. Seen videos even. Yet to see it in real live, a breathtaking feeling takes over. Several people were also watching them in enthusiastic delight.

I have my rapt attention on the skillful flips the dolphins does. Here and there, they spiral as they chase the fishes. What a life! No drama, no worries, just hunger. Hunger for food. For a mate. That's it. I know I am making it sound like animals are only animals with no feelings. The grass seemed greener on the other side for me at the moment. I envy the dolphins. I envy their world. To live without the chaos and conflict.

"What are you thinking?" Elon's voice brushes over my ear from behind. He stood so close that I felt him breathe deeper.

"How lucky dolphins are." I say with pure honesty.

"You do know they live as long as humans. They have to avoid diseases to live longer. They have hair and they don't drink water. They nap, not sleep with one eye open. Dolphins pregnancy lasts more than 10 months. How do you figure luck in that?" I want to roll my eyes so hard at him right now. He ruins every moment of reconciliation with life for me.