Zero

Regret and Relief

ARTHUR

Time was slipping away, and yet time was all we had left.

Throughout the war, there were hardly any opportunities for us to catch our breath, let alone mourn for the departed. Those moments were few and far between; but now, it seemed like mourning was all we could do. 

Varay and I trudged through the barren outskirts until we came to an opening outside the city. We left a piece of ourselves behind—a monument to all our sins.

There was one last place I had to go. A different yet similar tragedy altogether. Just thinking about what awaited made it harder to breathe, like my lungs were being crushed.

At the base of the Royal Palace, in front of a steep cliff face, I could already sense the aftermath looming several stories above.

I held Varay by her waist, careful not to agitate her injuries. "Hold on."

Purple lightning crackled as I scaled the vertical wall in an instant. We landed near the edge, and immediately, my eyes watered. A pool of blood seeped through the pile of rubble like a river. The atmosphere was repulsive, like the foul mana that followed the Vritra. I repressed the urge to retch right then and there.

Varay brought a hand to her face while I maintained a stoic expression. My bloodshot eyes fixated on the ground in front of me.

All of the people inside—the civilians and bystanders—none of them deserved this kind of fate.

Mom... Ellie...

Without anyone to direct my anger toward, I had only myself to blame for failing to protect them.

My arms fell limp as I drew closer, each step heavier than the last.

I still couldn't wrap my head around their deaths. It didn't feel real. Maybe that's the reason why I was able to hold myself together for so long. Because it was too distant and impersonal. In a way, I was thankful for not having to bear witness. I'd rather not tarnish their memories with such a travesty.

In the middle of my stride, I almost tripped, struck by a sense of vertigo. Varay stood behind, offering much-needed space and silent sympathy.

What was I supposed to say? What could I say?

My hands trembled. A violet flame flared in my palm.

It was too late for apologies. Too late to say goodbye.

I bit the bottom of my lip, tormented by gut-wrenching remorse that eclipsed the profound pain of everything else I've endured.

My biggest regret was not facing her sooner. For not telling Alice how much I truly loved her... And how grateful I was to have her as a mother...

And Ellie... Poor Ellie... She deserved better. I hated the fact that I wasn't there with her growing up. Every time we reunited, she was always becoming stronger in my absence. Have I ever told her how proud I was? Did she even know how much I cared?

I clenched my fists until my bones cracked. I've never hated myself as much as I did at that moment. How useless did one have to be to let everything slip away from them?

I let out a deep, weary sigh.

None of that mattered. Not anymore.

Like a gentle wind, the flame blew forward, swelling and expanding, until it encompassed everything in its path. Stone and metal disintegrated until not even ashes remained; Destruction erased it entirely as if it never existed.

I felt like I was burning with them, as if an integral part of what made me who I am was vanishing into thin air, taking my identity with them.

The flames rolled and spread. An apathetic haze masked my mental acuity. But I paid it no heed.