The story begin when i was students in senior high. I live my life as usual as students in my school. Not like most people who has a girlfriend in their life, i live without an ambition to look for someone to be the one. At the time, i am 10th grade who sit in the second line seat. When the orientation period i meet with a lot of person in the class then we know each others to know the name and where they are come from but i knew one of them since i am junior high yet. I don’t know why i don’t got a first sight in junior high to my old friend and when she was in orientation period i am in love with her until my soul said “oh my god, this is my faith to meet her and i will married her at that time”. She is totally different than before and for me she was a perfect girl at the time. It can be distinguish by the appearance like how to make up he face, her body, a little chubby cheeks, a little glow skin and cute nose. Beside that, she was a smart girl in the class because Since i found some difficult on my task she let me know how to work on it. Day by day, time by time i was head over heels for her because she was my classmate so i often look her from the far away. One day which i could not hold back my feels for her so immediately decide to ask her to hang out a while to some place after school. We go to flower garden in downtown. Long before it occur i was prepared for surprise to her while express the love in the flower garden. We arrived to the garden and we start a conversation by a little chat with her awkwardly. In the conversation, i ask her some question such as a man criteria who you love, characteristics and what do her found with the future man then she answer it reluctantly. She said that she want a man who accept her even she has some minor and she want married with a little wealth man then i think don’t deserve for her because i’m not in her criteria at all but i trial by fire. Afterwards, i was uttered my feel to her deeply within kneeled to her, i gave a chocolate to her and unfortunately she was declined my self. She said that i was too kind for her. Yeah you know that some woman in Indonesia whom didn’t love to somebody, they would be found a reason to deny the man who uttered love to woman. Since it happened, she was returned my gift because she can’t bear to see my struggle but i was forbided it and ask her to take it back, Immediately i am home as soon as possible to forgot all that thing are just occur. It was like a judgement day that broke everythink also my heart was become a crumble, piece by piece are gone as a dust, flying anywhere to nowhere. after that happened I was take a rested for a while because i feel it will occur again when i didn’t stop and continue yet. as time goes by I have moved to 11th grade. At 11th grade I tried not to fall in love with a woman again because I was afraid of being disappointed again. in that class the activities went on as usual nothing was interesting until in certain situations there was something that disturbed my mind and made me fall in love with someone again but I thought twice whether later when I expressed feelings there would be disappointment again or I could have it with my ability and wealth what I do is because I realize that I am not a rich person and not handsome what I have is the ability to play the guitar although my ability is not advance yet. in that class there was one girl who made me want to feel love again and she was a little closer to my criteria. then i slowly get to her heart and i always come when needed. day after day, month after month, my love is growing because he makes me more enthusiastic in carrying out any activity in my daily life. how can i not be captivated by her, she is so beautiful and sexy even though i have not asked yet about her status whether she has a boyfriend or not. when the lesson took place in class, sometimes I sat next to her even though sometimes my faith was waver because sitting next to her. The thing I most looking forward to is the moment when I study English. Besides being able to play guitar, I also good in English lessons a bit because since I was in elementary school I really liked English lessons and when I was in elementary school, I took an English course so I had a little basic English and it was extremely useful when I was going to continue to junior high school. And the day I've been waiting for has arrived at which time English lessons are taking place in class. Immediately i gave an answer to the English questions that the teacher had ordered. at that time she was happy because I shared the answer with her and I was very happy because she smiled and thanked me for sharing the answer. time goes by day by day we are getting closer without a clear status until a moment where I ventured out to ask her directly about her status. Eventually, i was disappointed because she already has a boyfriend and it made me hurt and this incident happened again the same thing when I was in 10th grade. At that time I was not enthusiastic about doing my day because of this and my seatmate asked why you were sad and I just replied with a smile as if nothing bad stuff happened. I tried to forget about it even though her little smile was crossed in my head yet. I tried to play a game to get rid of the heartache that came twice to me even though it would take a long time to heal. at that time I didn't chat with her anymore either whatsapp or direct message on instagram and didn't see her feed anymore on instagram. As time goes by I can forget about it. after my bad love story in 11th grade. And i was happy while 11th because i got 3rd rank in my class although it was not an excellent class. An ordinary day occur when i was 12th. in grade 12 activities run as usual. I made new friends again like the 10th and 11th grade I had ever experienced. As usual at first I wasn't interested in my classmate because I didn't know his character yet and i was trauma since the girl i have loved are have already a boyfriend. day by day I live activities without anyone who can give me enthusiasm in living the day. like most students at school, walking around the school area, watching futsal matches and so on. when I was passing the 11th class, I saw a gorgeous creature and looks like a good girl. It has almost of my criteria such as pretty face, slim, and the most important thing who has a men needs are a beautiful breast. Then I asked to my classmate if they knew the girl or not. at that time I did not dare to ask for hers cellphone number directly because I was exceptionally shy and awkward to ask her directly. Until one moment comes that one of my friend exactly in other class told me if he know the girl. Immediately i asked the phone number then i will get to know to her. It was an unexpected and also an excited moment for me because she was response my chat also she wants me to teach her how to play guitar. Next day i asked her to waiting for me in front of her class and it is also a delighted because i could show what i got to her so i can touch her fingers like we have a date even though we’re don’t have an intimate relationship. While i was sat with her for the first time met, it was extremely awkward. My finger suddenly tremors, speechless for a while, nervous, blank, and so on. After that i try to take a deep breath and exhale to relief my stress also my nervous. Finally my tremor, clumsy, out of topics has disappeared and directly teach her the chords. Tell her slowly and step-by-step to positioning her fingers because it was stiff yet so i initiative to touch her fingers (by the way her fingers are silky) then i move her fingers one-by-one to make sure her fingers press the string correctly. After doing that, she was talk to much to me why it was so hard and also she said her fingers are hurt when pressing the string. Then i gave her a kinda explanation to her that learning guitar are not instant and need a process to mastering on it also i was gave her a motivation so she got a spirit and charming again while she was dropped. She tries again and again to make an A mayor chord until she can remind how A mayor pattern is. I glad to see her even though only remind a one chord. After 2 years i never excited and in 12th it was happened although we just friend. Day by day, time by time my break time was spended for making out with her and it done every single day. 2 days later i try to ask her friends about her status and it was so mad while heard about her who has a boyfriend yet. I don’t know maybe i’ve been trauma or not just keep to meet her every single day and i don’t care she has a boyfriend. Breaktime comes, looks like a men looking to us hiddenly, suspicious and might it was a one of boyfriend’s friend. Soon i pretend to play guitar and keep distance with her like it was never occured. After that i come back to teach her and approach her again while the suspicious guy gone. The next day i decide to leave her and never come back again. Why i must do this? Because it was impossible while i approach someone but there are many disturbance and i am not that typical. So after forget the occurence then i try to elevate my other hobbies like playing table tennis, upgrade my English skill and so on. Nothing interesting memories in 12th and it was a moment that i really want to pass as soon as possible. Since i was studied in Senior High 3 Sampang, i never join the organization because i am far from home, but i was stayed with my uncle and aunt in Sampang. The reason why i am not join in is every Saturday i was occasionally go home to my house which are in Pamekasan. Time are so fast until it was not realize who i was graduated from Senior High 3 Sampang. My time is over in Sampang because i was really home sick and i have choosen my decision to go back to my house in Pamekasan. I said goodbye to my uncle and my aunt but it was not literally goodbye and there is no goodbye because i will come to here again and i was apologized to both if i have a mistake along stay in here and i tell to them who i was frequently bothered both. I packing a whole of my stuff and clothes to prepare for go home. Before i studied in Madura University, i have a funny story after graduating. So in one day i was got an SNMPTN ticket to register to any university and i has registered to Trunojoyo Madura University in Bangkalan and i was choosen an Economic Fakulty. I has been accepted by that university and one step again to login them, unfortonately in the same time re-registration i got a police physics test because i have registered to police. So i really confuse which one will i choose and the final result, i was left that univesity by ordered by my mom. I think it was really sad because that is my dream to college in another city where can be independent to live a life on there. What am i doing next ? So i was decided to register to Madura University in my hometown. It was so close from my house and it’s about 5 minute to get there. The day was come that is Introduction to Campus Life for New Students while the senior will be give me and also my new friend test to measure our knowledge. The question is about the campus and i have felt difficult because i don’t know about it at all. So i just random-answering to answer the question. In that time, there are a lot of students who has been participated in that event so i can knowing each others without awkward and i think this is the best moment along become a new college students in Madura University. I also admire to girl participant because almost of them are beautiful but at that time i was still doubt to find a half of my soul since i don’t want my most worst experience are happening again in my life and it was spend a lot of my time to healing and move on from the problem. I meet with my friend with pleasure because the one of my classmate there is someone beutiful that i know the name. As time goes by, they have been determined the class split and surprisingly there are only 24 people in my class (English Department). They only split 1 class and the cause is the participant or students in my class are not more than 40. Maybe that’s why they only split 1 class. My life is going flat everyday because i was still trauma to my worst past moment. Along in 1st semester, i was not found the girl who match with my criteria and that’s why my life in that semester are really ordinary as a normal people goes their life. I will get straight to the point, in the 2nd semester, finally i got a girl but it so far from house or i can call that as “Long-distance relationship”. Yes you are not wrong since i just found the girl by my friend and he was presented his friend to me. I don’t know why my friend can have the stranger people and i was try to asked to him “how do you have a stranger cellphone number?” my friend with his calm face said “i know her by Hago application”. By the way Hago is a platform or application in playstore or appstore that used to playing game with others from another city and it was randomly friend will you got in that apps. So i was started to approach her by via whatsapp and i was introduced my self to her. Meanwhile, she was asked me how i can got her number and i said i got your number from your hago’s friend named Pasha. Fortunately, she tells the good respons to me and i was keep continue to approach her. In short, i was “officially” have a relationship with her. I never happy along i goes my life even though this relationship are not forever and it was possible to broken up someday but we don’t know about God plan. Day after day, time after time our relationship is getting closer and almost every night she asked me to video call and i really glad with that. We talk about our hobbies, our history of life, asking each other about the occupation and so on. But that relationship are not reliable or not long last, one month later my mother caught me while i was done a video call with her and my mom ask about her “where is she came from?” I said proudly and exciting “she is from Bogor”. Instantly, my mom wrinkled hers forehead as if he didn't like my girlfriend. It was complicated to believe that i must to break up again because of my mom’s desire. And i was choosen the right way, finally i have broke up with her and she go away from my life and never chatting or video call again with me anymore. I don’t know why when i want to getting happy, disaster come rushing to me like a big wave hit the beach stone every single day. I think it was a punishment from god because i am not taking serious in our relationship and until now in 6th semester, the curse are never ends.
