Keep Me Closer

40th: Certainly

I WAS HUGGING Avie while crying. Nagtaas-baba ang balikat ko pero tahimik akong umiyak. Marahan niyang hinahaplos ang likod ko habang mahinang bumubulong: tahan na.

"Alam na ba ni Eustace?" tanong ko, sa bawat salita ay napapalunok para hindi mas mapahikbi.

"What do you mean?"

"Does he know that I am pregnant?" I asked again.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling niya.

"I didn't tell him, Lienna."

Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. The warmth from her embrace kept my courage strong. "I don't want him to look for me just because I am pregnant with his child."

"Lienna..."

"I don't intend to drag him and set him up into my life by carrying his child."

"No one is thinking that you are, Lienna."

I kept quiet then nodded.

"Lienna, it seems something is really bothering you. Hindi mo pa sinasabi kung bakit ka umalis ng Michigan." Kumalas siya sa yakap tapos ay hinawakan ako sa balikat. "You can trust me."

I was still sobbing nang umayos ako ng upo. Si Heiro ay nasa sala ngayon habang kausap si Dad. Habang kaming dalawa ni Avie ay nasa loob ng bakanteng kwarto sa bahay ni Dad. It was small but cozy. Maliit lang pero sapat na ang laki ng kama para sa dalawang taong pwede matulog. Both of me and Avie were sitting at the edge of the bed.

"What truly happened, Lienna?"

Tumango ako, thinking how I could start telling Avie about what really happened. I know I have to tell her in no time...

I gathered my strength and faced her, then I started to talk about what had happened in the last couple of days.

"Eustace and I are dating... for a few months now."

Tumango si Avie, mataman na nakikinig. "I knew it." She gave me a small sheepish smile. "But where is he now?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "The night before I found out that I was pregnant, he proposed to me."

Avie's lips formed into an 'O'. 

I palmed my face. "But I didn't give him an answer yet because I was not feeling well, and shocked, and overwhelmed. I said to him, I need time to rest and think."

"Oh—" Natakpan ni Avie ang bibig sabay tango. "Tapos what happened next?"

"I told him that I will give him an answer. And promised that I would. But I couldn't reach him by phone the next morning. Wala rin siya sa unit niya. I looked for him by asking his Dad... and that was when things have gotten more chaotic. Pinaratangan ako ng Dad niya na dumidikit lang ako kay Eustace dahil gusto kong magpabuntis. Sa tingin niya, habol ko lang ang pera ng anak niya. Perhaps, because I resemble a woman who would do everything to get a man's attention and because I couldn't make him stay with my own qualities—tingnan mo nga ako, hindi ako professional, hindi nakatapos ng pag-aaral, what could I give to someone else?"

Natakpan ko ang mukha at tumutulo na naman ang mga luha ko. "And even when his Dad's judgement wasn't the truth, buntis na ako ngayon. He knew that nang magtanong ako kung nasaan si Eustace and I couldn't deny when he asked. Hiyang-hiya ako, Avie."

"Lienna..."

"Tumalikod ako sa harapan ng Dad niya at umalis nang walang ibang sinasabi. I was still hoping Eustace would be home already dahil pinuntahan ko lang ang Dad niya sa ospital dahil na-confine iyon doon. Pero wala si Eustace. Hindi umuwi."