the ending.

The fame.

                          June 18, 2023

🎤

I never knew that making an album would be this exhausting.
Last year, my debut single climbed the charts.
It was a career-changer.
A soft, love-story ballad.
It felt like the listeners really related to my song.
I started writing songs with Paula.
Did I mention that it was a love story?
As if both of us were making a "Romeo and Juliet" song.
I'm glad for every opportunity I had throughout my music career.

🥇

I won awards from the AMA, VMA, and even the Billboard Music Awards.
Now for this era, I'm aiming for the Grammy. "Album Of The Year".
This is the album for the 4th generation to relate, laugh, cry, and be delirious.
I'm still making it.

I'm not even sure if I'll ever finish this. Because Paula left and I haven't heard any news from her.

🙁

Ever since I climbed to fame, I've switched cities with New York.
Paula left.
She found her own way.
I wonder what she's doing now that I'm successful with my plans.
She was the main catalyst of my journey. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

She had her own personal reasons.
She said that she wants to take care of something very important in her family.
I may still not know her deeply, but I know she has a good heart.
I hope to see her again.
She made a promise that she'd come back once everything was settled.

🤪

I still remember when I kissed her.
I kissed her on the cheeks.
I saw her blushing.
But she slipped it away.
I hope she doesn't get it out of context.
That was just a friendly kiss.
I only did that to pay my respect to her.
I only met her for a month, but she resides in a big spot in my heart.
She was that kind of character in movies that are very supportive of the main character and always have their back.

I really do hope to contact Paula.
But she left no crumbs.
My parents told me that her apartment was no longer there.
And that she probably moved out of the state.
I wonder if she's really doing fine.
The last time I saw her, she was sick.

I don't know what happened to her, but she told me not to worry about it and just focus on my career plans.
She will always be the reason why I keep writing songs.

It's sad to see good people walk away.
At least I still have John, Pedro, Mark, and my parents.
They were close people to me that I could talk to through communicative apps.

Here's a secret: I actually admired Paula. Who wouldn't?
She might look like she's sassy and ferocious, but she's actually sweet and nice.
Surprisingly, the girl in my debut song was her.
I didn't even realize that it was about her until I knew that I had a crush on her.
She just reminds me of Alice.
A book-worm girl.
And you know how I am such a sucker for nerdy people? 

🎸

The song was about me being friends with a gorgeous girl.
Then developing feelings towards her is becoming unusual, and it's making me eat butterflies.

I tried telling her how much I admired her as a person, but I also tried my best to limit myself and give her respect.
I was recovering from a breakup at the time, and I didn't want her to feel like I was just using her.

I would never hit and run.
I still respect the ladies.
But I guess talking about Paula every day would make me miss her.
I should stop and go to sleep.
I have a big interview for my promotion tomorrow.

I should get ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🌄

Morning. 

I drove to Ellen's Show.
Their building is looking slick.
The facade has this tall yet minimalist vibe. I went inside with security guards and a thick facemask so as not to get recognized in the crowd.
My manager led me to a room where the interview studio is located.

Hours after rehearsal, the show started.
I went in by the cue and smiled.
I waved to the cameras.
Big applause was heard.
I never knew it would be live, so I have to prepare myself and be vigilant towards my further sentences. 

I then introduced myself. 

"Hi Everyone, I'm Stephen. The singer & songwriter of "Reply", the song that you've been hearing all day."

"It's nice to have you around, Stephen!"

"Thank you so much. It's nice meeting you."          

We both greeted and exchanged smiles.

"Now tell me. How did you write that song? Everyone was touched by your debut single. Especially for teens dealing with silly love stories."

"Oh, I actually wrote this song with a person."

"Let me guess, was it a girl?"

"Yes, I wrote this song with a girl named Paula."

"What a lovely name. Tell me the story about it! Are you two together or something? Then she ghosted you and then she didn't reply. I mean, the song's called "Reply" for a reason, right?"

She laughed. The audience then followed.

"Uhm, that wasn't entirely about her. At that time, I was going through an unacceptable breakup. Paula helped me with the drafts. And she took a video of me. I thought she wouldn't post it, but she begged for it. And I never would've imagined the song surpassing 800 million views (and still counting)."

"Oh, so this wasn't just about her. This was about your first ex? And Paula just helped you interpret the emotions. What a supportive pal you have! Tell me more about it. "

"Yeah, she's a really helpful friend. She started my music career and I wouldn't be here today without her."

"Will we be able to see her in person?"

"I really do hope to introduce her to the public. It's sad to think that she won't be able to be in the spotlight. It was always me who's in the credits for this lovely masterpiece. But the public never knew about Paula. I've never mentioned anything about this because I'm afraid we won't be seeing her. Now that I've thought about it, the song is now dedicated to Paula herself. I am desperate to receive a reply from her."

"What would you like to say to her if she was in front of you?"

I let out a sigh and paused.

"Paula, please come back. I miss you so much. You deserve to be here with me. Let's share this success."

The atmosphere felt weird.

"What a lovely message. Paula, we really do hope you will return. Millions of fans are curious about you."

The audience were in AWE.
Usually, when I see people talking in front of the camera and ask them what they would like to say if a missing person is in front of them, I can feel them being so fake.
And it is borderline, cringe.

They said they miss them, but they look like they would most likely murder that missing person for leaving home and hindering them.
But this time, my emotions felt sincere.
I can feel the tears ejecting and I'm trying my best to consume it all up.

"Now, do you have plans for any projects this year?"

"I hate spoiling, but of course. I have a lot in store."

"An album perhaps?"

"Mhm, maybe? Maybe not."

We laughed. I was shocked. How did she guess that so fast? I mean, I'm currently working in my album.

🗣️

The show ended much later.
I arrived at home feeling very tired.
New York is a big place, and I'm still not used to it.

I wonder if I will ever get to finish my album.