I don't want pity. Fuck pity, it does absolutely nothing for me. Instead of feeling bad for me like everyone else, do something useful and change your fucking views on the fact that some people just simply don't want to be here anymore. None of us ever chose to exist, without consent we were just forced into it. And in all honesty, life isn't this precious little thing like how they tell you it is. It's just a phenomenon that occurred by chance over a large span of time in this cosmic universe composed of an infinite number of tiny particles colliding into each other randomly, sometimes producing incomprehensible effects. But some of us just want to go back to how things were before we existed; before we were pushed out into this sloppy mess we call life. Nothingness. There is no greater serenity than nothingness. It knows neither problem, nor pain and it can never do you wrong. Unlike this cruel and violent world we're shackled to once born, populated by those too ignorant and egocentric to comprehend why we have such desires.
But what about happiness? I always hear them say. But that's because they don't get the fact that happiness is just an illusion. It's our brain trying to tell us that life is magical. But it's not. Life is a dull grind with few moments sprinkled in that makes living somewhat tolerable, but even more moments that make it an absolute pandemonium. In life, you'll come across different things, activities and even people that can make you feel this "magic". At the time, it might make things a little brighter and might even give you the false impression that life could be worth it. But as you go on in life, you start to realize that the things, activities and especially people are all only temporary. Eventually, all things lose their magic and it becomes increasingly difficult to find something else that can ignite that little spark of flame in your soul. Consequently, more and more effort is always required in order to feel the same magic as before, but regardless of how much effort you put in, it too will suffer the same fate as everything that came before it. Psychology tells us that this "magic" we feel, is just neurotransmitters being released in our brain, which explains its fleetingness. Meanwhile, we are forced to constantly deal with all the problems forced upon us by our corrupted society, by our biology and by the selfish people in our lives.
Some of us have made up our minds that the effort required to make life tolerable is just not worth the flimsy pay-out. Even though we know what we want, it can be arduous for us to go against our human instinct. Our body and brain were programmed to prioritize our survival, just one of the traits that kept our preliminary ancestors alive long enough to be able to reproduce and pass it on. Regardless, the purpose of this trait was to keep life from going extinct, but in this day and age, it's no longer needed. Even if we all got what we wanted and left this plane of existence, humanity would still live on, not even acknowledging our loss. Psychology tells us that instincts are separate from consciousness, and they have no problem accepting and supporting this when people decide to do other things that go against traditional biological instincts (that are meant to keep our species from going extinct) because it is what that person desires. Take the example of a same sex relationship. Even though it goes against the biological instinct of needing to reproduce, they mostly accept the fact that in the end, people are entitled to what they want and now, same sex relationships are for the most part, allowed and accepted. What we want also goes against the biological instinct of needing to survive to be able to reproduce, but unlike the previous example, our desires are for the most part forbidden and frowned upon. Instead, they label us as "mentally ill" and tell us we need help and need to adopt their point of view clouded by instinct. How is this no different than those yelling slurs and profanities at the homosexual community? Telling them that what they're doing goes against human nature and trying to make them adopt their own point of view (again, clouded by biological instinct).
But I am not sick, and my mind isn't "clouded ". I can make my own decisions based on my own desires, contrary to what those lying sons of bitches would make you believe. Brainwashed just like the rest of them, pretending to understand my problems but really just following a recipe book in order to make extra profit by prescribing whatever the big companies want to promote. Telling me a small pill could wash away all my grief. But what do they know about grief? I'm not grieving, this is just my normal state of mind, my everyday life, and my desires cannot be denied for much longer.
What's worse, if they even have the slightest inkling that we could achieve our end goal, they fucking lock us up against our will without hesitation, telling us it's for our benefit! How the fuck is this not considered an injustice? But they decide to remain ignorant, telling themselves : Why wouldn't they want to live? That's what I want, so they must be mistaken! And it's up to me to help them realize they are wrong! Meanwhile not noticing the torment they are putting us through by extending our lives and taking away our freedom. The very thought serves to stoke the raging flames in my heart. Because of them, we don't seek out others for help, it just makes things worse. They force us to hide our true selves, else we would get shunned and ostracized for how we think and what we want.
I believe it doesn't have to be that way. We could still work something out, they could learn to accept us, and maybe even support us! In an ideal world, one where they wouldn't oppress us and try to brainwash us into adopting their mentality, there would be available to all of us means of easily and painlessly ending our lives. Ideally, we would have small automated chambers that allow us to customize the way we pass on. These chambers would allow us to choose between several painless methods, as well as letting us choose the last thing we would want to see, hear and smell, so that we could all, at the very least, enjoy the final moments of our melancholic lives. As well as being customizable, these chambers should be littered across populated areas to ensure their availability to all of us. For example, we might consider putting some in airports, as the strain traveling has on people might make some of them want to ease their burdens. We should also consider putting some in shopping malls, where they would surely see a lot of use on Black Friday, especially after all the good sales have sold out. Lastly, we mustn't forget of equipping our schools with such necessities to ensure that all of us, regardless of our age, have access.
Alas, my well of hope sits as dry as a withered lily, replaced only by a deep despair at the disheartening realization that this ideal world is only fantasy. That in the real world, they would never be capable of helping us in the way that we need. My last drop of hope evaporated when I lost my beloved to the depraved indoctrinations of society. When I realized that all humans are the same and society just amplifies their worst traits while robbing them of their individuality. when the magic in my life became agony.
But there's no point sulking over it anymore. I have accepted that this world is not going to change anytime soon. I'm tired and won't keep waiting around hoping for that miraculous difference that will change my mind. I didn't write all of these things for me, since in a bit, none of this will affect me any longer. Rather, I wrote this for those of us that are unable to take that final step by ourselves. As such, please disregard everything I have underlined. I already wasted too many years of my life suffering because of this fault that too many of us fall prey to. So, stop thinking like they do and please understand our point of view so that you can be our ally rather than be another one of them.
Peace out,
-[REDACTED]
