Eyes of Fire | Bucky Barnes

59

It was drizzling outside, the cold air sending chills down Bucky's spine as he shifted on the edge of the bed bed, heaving out a deep breath.

Inhale, two three four and hold, two three four five six seven and exhale two three four five six seven eight.

The sound of the rain faded into the background until all that he heard was his own thoughts. It was silent yet deafening, it drowned all his senses until her felt numb and completely out of touch.

Clammy hands and cold feet, the rapid thumping of his heart, all of which were signs of an upcoming attack. He blinked away the tears threatening to spill from his eyes and took a deep yet difficult breath in, chest constricting as if someone punched all the air out of his lungs.

And then a hand landed on his shoulder, its warmth quickly pulling him back to the surface.

"You were having a nightmare, Bucky. You thought I was an enemy. You're safe now, you're safe with me."

"How could you ever be safe with me though," He whispered.

Uxolo's heart cracked in her chest and she struggled to not show it on her face.

Her knee bumped his, and Bucky flinched, but he didn't move away. Carefully, she reached out and placed her hand on his leg. His musclebound thigh tightens under her touch, but after a few soothing swipes of her thumb, he relaxed. Over the months of being with him, she'd learned how to comfort him, and as time went on, he settled into her touch easier and easier.

It took a long time to even get him to sleep in the same room as her, another few weeks until they could even share a bad. It wasn't until a while after that he could fall asleep in each other's arms. Uxolo was so proud of his progress and always reminded Bucky that she was in this for the long run, she wasn't going to run away every time things got tough.

"You make me feel so safe, Bucky. I know you would never let anything bad happen to me. You protect me. You watch over me. You take care of me." She pulled away briefly, only to push off of the bed and kneel before him on the hardwood floor. Her hands rested on both his thighs; his skin burning up from the panic. He just sniffled in response.

Her left hand traveled up his right arm gently until her fingers reached where his neck met his shoulder. She didn't touch his vibranium hand just yet. She rubbed soft circles into his skin, and soon his tears dissipated.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled, not yet looking at her. "God, I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry."

Uxolo ducked her head to the side to catch Bucky's eyes, and when she finally captured his gaze, it made her heart squeeze.

"We're okay, Bucky. We're okay." This time he nodded, but she knew he still didn't fully believe it. Her right hand made its way to find his vibranium fingers. Bucky watched her movements, clearly still afraid of himself. His fist was clenched, so she gently worked her fingers into his, still soothing him with her other hand.

"What're you doing," He asked quietly, observing her. When his metal palm was open, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and slowly pulled his hand away from himself.

"Uxolo," He said now with more urgency, though he didn't raise his voice at her. She brought his hand out to touch her shoulder, the contrast of her warmth to the vibranium making him shiver. Then, she brought his hand to the top of her head, feeling the weight of the metal on her scalp.

"I'm not afraid of you." She brought his hand to her forehead, to her nose, and eventually to her lips. While holding eye contact, she pressed a kiss to each of his vibranium fingers, knuckles, and each joint in his hand. Tears welled in Bucky's glassy blue eyes, and she felt wetness on her face.

"Uxolo." She cup her own face with his hand, long fingers reaching into the hair behind her ear.

"I'm not afraid of you." His thumb swiped over her cheek and brushed away her tears. She kissed the inside of his wrist before pushing his arm down to the back of her neck. His thumb rested just below her jaw, and she saw him tense up.

"I'm not afraid of you, Bucky," She repeated before sliding his hand to sit over her windpipe. His fingers reached around her neck, and his thumb squeezed ever so slightly on the other side. She held his wrist with both hands now, letting one of her hands drift up to cover his.

She had given him all of the power. If he had wanted to hurt her, all he had to do was squeeze, but she knew he wouldn't.

Bucky just stared down at her, eyes wide and body tense. She repeated herself over and over, "I'm not afraid of you."

A mantra, a prayer until he believed it, even if just momentarily. She kneeled there in front of him, his vibranium hand around her throat until the sun started to rise. She had stopped speaking a long time ago, but she hold his gaze and told him with her eyes.

He did something that surprised her after being idle for so long. He slid his hand from her throat slowly and pulled her toward him by the upper arm. She settled into his lap, and he collapsed into her chest.

"don' fuckin' deserve you, 'Lo," His voice was low and laced with sincerity, despite the way it wavered with his anxiety.

Uxolo tilted her head down and kissed his temple. "Yes, you do, my love."