ℳ𝓎 ℋℴ𝓂ℯ ／／ ℛℯ𝒹𝒹𝒾ℯ 𝒪𝓃ℯ𝓈𝒽ℴ𝓉𝓈

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔸𝕣𝕖

tw: language, minor internalized homophobia

Richie's POV:

It's well past midnight, but neither of us could sleep, so here I am sitting with Eddie at the clubhouse in the hammock, our bodies flush against each other as we try to whisper. We constantly try to stifle our laughter, failing miserably. The others only stir a bit in their sleep at my overly loud laughter. A few friendly arguments here and there, but recently the late night talk has gotten deeper and more serious.

pfh deeper-

heh

anyways

His voice is so soothing to me, even though I act like it's not. When he rambles, or when he shouts at me I get a little bit too excited because of his attention, even though it's always been the two of us. And I've always been touchy, mainly with him, even as those words ring in my ears.

Don't touch other boys Richie.

My hand gently grazes Eddie's leg and I jump, pulling my hand back quickly before he notices.

"Hey Richie?" His voice turns more worried, and it catches my attention. As much as I love to make jokes, Eddie's always my main concern whether I like it or not.

"Yeah, Eds?" He sighs at the name.

"Do you ever feel like. Well that your home isn't really... home."

That's a weird one.

"What do you mean?"

I think I know exactly what he's talking about, but I don't want to jump to conclusions

"Like- like you know how home is looked at as somewhere you're safe and comfortable or stable?"

Nope. I've never heard of that in my life. Home has never been those things for me.

"I- maybe."

"Well I think that my "home" isn't really home. You know my mom, and home has never really made me feel safe. Something like that. You know what I mean Rich?"

Stupid Eds and talking so fast I can barely keep up. God I love him.

When he talks, he gestures with his hands, and as the question lands in me, one comes to rest on my knee, making blood rush to my head, my face heating up. Why do I have to be hyper aware right now?

I almost crack a joke but the look on his face is so desperate, clinging onto my response.

"Yeah. I do. My family by blood has never felt like family and home always meant danger. Never comfort, never safety."

He looks at me, wide-eyed. There's only the faint light of our one flashlight we left on and it illuminates one side of his face, his eyelashes glinting. His lips are pursed, and most of the time his gaze darts left and right, but now he's looking at me, hoping I'm telling him the truth. A fucked up truth, but at least it means he's not alone.

"Shit Eds, have you ever had a place that felt like.. home? Comfortable? Safe, secure, grounded? What's that place for you?" A genuine question that's shrouded in doubt, because I don't think I ever have. Maybe not a place but.. I can think of one that makes me feel that way. A person.

"I mean.. I guess... you are, Rich."

Oh.

He's fiddling with his hands again, and he breaks our eye contact, looking down at where his hand was just on me.

What do I say to that

"Holy shit Eds I didn't know you were that obsessed with me." I joke, trying to stall and think of a response. He looks up at me, eyes glistening slightly with tears but showing blatant disbelief. He shuffles to get up, "Fuck you Richie."

He moves to slide out of the hammock but I don't even register what's going on until he's standing up.

I grab his wrist, "wait Eddie, I was joking-"

"I wasn't." He doesn't struggle, he just stays there, back facing me, knowing we can't wake the others up.

The silence is deafening, only insects from above can be heard, chirps and croaks alike.

"You're my home." I whisper, giving his arm a gentle tug, making him turn back to me. His cheeks are red and stained with tears that must've been silently shed as his back was turned.

"Come'ere." I pull him towards me, and he looks down before complying and lying on top of my chest.

"Rich?"

"Eds?"

"Why do you always do this?"

"What?" Our voices are just below whispers, making up for just raising them a second before.

He sighs at my obliviousness, chin on my chest to look at me as I gaze down at him.

"You manage to push and push me, away and then just pull me back in."

I pause, is this it?

"It hurts, Rich. It fucking hurts." The tears start coming again and his voice breaks as he burries his face in my shirt.

"Hey, Eddie. It's-" I pause, my hand hovering over his back.

He'll hate you.

He'll never talk to you again.

I slowly place my hand on his back, moving my thumb in circles. Simultaneously in an anxious way and in a way to feel closer to him, remind him I'm here.

He looks up at home again, our eyes meeting.

"Oh god." His voice startles me a bit but not enough to make me jump.

"Richie I think I love you." He says it while wincing, his face scrunching up in disappointment. If I know him well enough, it's probably in himself and his feelings.

"Can I kiss you?"
I whisper, and he pushes himself up and towards me. He meets my lips with his, a gentle peck that lasted a mere 2 seconds.

He pulls away, "no we shouldn't-" before kissing me again, lips parting slightly as I tilt my head. I hold his face in my hand, the other one going up to his hair. He's still holding himself up with his hands as he deepens the kiss. He breaks it as we gasp for air, before kissing me softly again, our mouths moving together. He reaches up with one of his hands and slides my glasses off, positioning himself  above me with his knees, rocking the hammock slightly before he leans back down to my mouth again. He brings his hands around the back of my neck as my hands slide to his waist. He kisses me deep, sighing into my mouth.

He pulls apart, both of our chests heaving.

"Shit." I whisper, looking at him bathed in the faint light. His cheeks flushed, lips swollen and glistening. I smirk as his eyes widen.

"What? What is it Rich? Oh god I'm so stupid how could I think-"

I pull him back in by the base of his neck and kiss him again, sweetly this time. His lips taste like redemption, one of the few things I've done right in this world.

I wink at him, making him groan and burry his face in my chest again.

"I love you too Eddie, my love."

***

1176 words :)

Welcome to the first chapter I took so long to get this started but it's here now, so just give me the chance to update it.

I appreciate every comment, every vote, every view, and if you have any corrections I will take them to heart.

Thank you for reading!