Name: Marley
Age: 14
Sexuality: trans ftm
Funny: 5/10
Favorite album: Melancholy by salvia Plath and white pony by deftones
and toxicity by System of a Down
Height: 5'5
Style: 90sWhat I would say about myself is that i dont really know much about myself my emotions are everywhere and i don't want to talk to people anymore which sounds selfish but the people I currently know now I just feel different from them we don't share the same humor, interest, music or style i don't find them relatable or interesting I just find them there, just strangers that I would consider friends I do enjoy there company but I personally think I like to talk to them so i wont feel lonely and bored I know for the many people that may read this might find me a selfish, rude human being but its just that i don't know what's wrong with me one minute I feel fine when I talk to them but whenever they keep talking to me I just feel annoyed and tired, tired of them just not taking a hint and just leaving me alone its to the point I just want to tell them straight up to just leave me alone and for them to never speak to me again trust me I know its wrong I just don't know how to deal with it i don't know how to fix this problem I wish to speak to someone about it but im scared of being judged, scared that they might think im a bad person who doesn't deserve to be around other people cause of the way i think whenever i don't talk to my friend I feel more happy and less annoyed and I guess calm i think thats the main problem I just think. I don't know if I really feel like that maybe its just my brain confusing me on what I want and what i don't want maybe im the reason i don't have people to talk to, maybe im the reason I don't like giving strangers a chance to know about me, maybe there's people out there who think the same like me if there is I want to know how to stop feeling like this how to stop being so picky with who I talk to and choose to associate myself with I want help I really do but who can I trust with this information with thoughts like these i don't know If I can tell my mom about it she's already been through enough knowing im a mess of a person just rotting in my bed the only people I talked to my problem are my friends or should I even call them that whatever it is I hope these feeling and thoughts go away I feel like the only person I can actually tolerate is xenon (and piedad) but I don't want to ruin everything with them so I try to keep to myself but they are very understandable the people im mainly talking about is the people who think are my friends from school and the group chat.
I sometimes feel like I try so hard to please others and make others happy when i cant even make myself feel like that I hate that I have a mindset of where I speak the way i feel but cringe at the way its said or written, I hate that my mindset is telling me that i don't deserve to keep being with people that love me and support me I feel so lonely cause everything to my "friends" is just a joke and they can "relate" and they complain that their life is "harder" than anyone else's i think thats what may have caused it for me not to speak up yeah I have problems but who doesn't im not special so what that im going through the wise time of my life people have it way more difficult then me why should I talk about my thought who CARES. Ill just get over it by tomorrow maybe im just thinking like this cause all my life I've looked at it made im not saying I like the way I think negatively but no matter how hard I try its just negative I want to go back to the time I was positive and didn't care what people thought about me "but Marley things are suppose to happen" stuff like this happens for a reason" WHAT did I do to let this happen, to where I just WANT to kms WHAT THE HELL DID I DO its so confusing for people to say that to me i didn't do anything to be like this but I guess for me to be in my room wanting to just end myself was suppose to happen oh BUT GOD FORBID I TALK ABOUT ME WANTING TO JUST PUT A BULLET THROUGH MY HEAD 🙄 "Marley thats a coward way to go out" "Marley that's selfish of you to think that way" "Why would you just want to leave you family they care for you" IM TIRED I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK IM TIRED IVE TRIED SO HARD FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER TRUST ME IT DID FOR A LITTLE BIT BUT I THOUGHT TO MUSELF AM I REALLY AHPPY DO I REALLY WNAT TO LIVE MY LIFE JUST DOING NOTHING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT I DONT WANT TO BE STUCK IN THIS MINDSET ANYMORE, I DONT WANT TO THUNK ABOUT KMS WHEN I CAN JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY.
I will miss my family don't get me wrong but i don't want them to just keep questioning if im happy or angry all the damn time and if I tell them I just want to end it all are they going try to seek help for me NO their just going to say "you gotta think positive" "It'll pass your still growing up" I DONT WANT TO FUCKING GROW UP WITH THIS FEELING OF ME JUST WANTING TO KILL MYSELF I WNAT TO GROW UP WITH THE FEELING OF ME BEING HAPPY AND READY FOR THE FUTURE THATS UO AHEAD BUT I DONT THINK THEY REALIZE THAT THEERE MIGHT BE NO FUTURE FOR ME IF I DONT WANT ONE ANYMORE I just want this to stop, I just want these feeling to go away I try not to let the people I talk to notice I just do my normal things like try to at least be funny, confident, not take anything serious, the chill person and the "it is what it is" type of mindset but its tiring just keeping up that act I just want to one day say what i think straight up to people that im hanging out with that I just want to end it all but WHATS SO CONFUSING IS THAT I DONT WNAT SYMPATHY, WHAT THE FUCK IM FEELING THIS TYPE OF WAY BUT I DONT WANT ANY DAMN SYMPATHY THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME MAYBE THIS IS WHY PEOPLE JUST TELL ME ITS A PHASE AND THAT IM JUST FEELING LIKE THIS CAUSE IM A TEENAGER IF THIS IS WHAT ITS LIKE BEING A TEENAGER THEN ITS FUCKING SUCKS THIS ISNT WHAT I WANT TO FEEL EVERYDAY I just want to feel like a person who's just stable and knows what they want in life who WANTS to live life who WANTS to be happy with how life goes and just goes with it WHY CANT THAT BE ME WHY CANT I JUTS BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE I FEEL SO STUPID FOR EVEN SAYING IT ALOUD TO MYSELF OR WRITING IT DOWN I FEEL SOUND SO CEAZY EVEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL DAILY IM SCARED TO SAY THE LEAST OF WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT THINK OF THIS MESSAGE IM SAYING I just want to end it.
P.S I hope there is at least someone out there that is going through the same thing as me i don't want to feel like the bad guy here but who am I to talk to.
YOU ARE READING
Mitches
Teen FictionThis was Kyle10171 idea Everyone in the group chat is gay and needs to get bitches but mainly Chris Lewis and Joseph (If the group chat is reading this im just telling the truth and the truth only this is just my opinion so please respect it...