Pursuit of Happiness: Crush Edition

Chapter 1

     "Hey Stephanie, can you help Jake with his work for a sec? I need to go over to Ms. Carry's class with Helen." Mrs. Baxter, the kindergarten teacher asked me while I was just finishing my lunch. I nodded and smiled. "I'll be out for just a minute, if you need anything just give me a shout." I quickly cleaned up my mess as the teacher walked out and walked over to the little boy watching me. 

                                                          ************

     If you want to know a little background info on me here it goes. I am a 19-year old York University student juggling a part-time job at an elementary school kindergarten to earn a little extra cash while also studying to get my Bachelor's in Child Development. I haven't been in a relationship since my last year in high school two years ago, and boys that I dated were either physical and verbally abusive towards me, or emotionally distant after sometime with each other. During this time in my life I used self-harm as an escape from my daily life, the combination of unhealthy relationships which made me feel trapped in and an unloving home life where no one was there for each other. I had good friends, though, who knew about it all and supported me throughout. I am lucky that these same friends are still with me years after our high school graduation.

                                                        ************

    As Mrs. Baxter re-entered she looked at me and mouthed a 'thank you'. I smiled back. She had gone out to help another teacher's assistant with Helen, a mentally-handicapped little girl who was not yet potty-trained. The school was planning on integrating her into Mrs. Baxter's kindergarten class full-time the following school year. One of my responsibilities as a teacher's assistant, and one of the reasons why I have my break earlier in the day, is because I have to be present during the kids' lunch hour while the teacher is out on her lunch and I'm left alone with them. Some of the kids are messy eaters, so it's my duty to help clean them up. I disliked these times when I was supposed to act like their babysitter, instead of actually helping them learn and grow. But, despite all the things going on in my life, what kept me going weren't my friends who were, for the most part, busy with their significant others if they weren't with me nor was it my slightly older sibling and father who always put me down even though I have since moved out into my own place. It was the image of a DROP DEAD GORGEOUS guy who worked at a grocery store in my neighborhood in my mind's eye.

     I saw him periodically playing different roles. Sometimes I'd see him working as a cashier while other times he'd be collecting shopping carts. Even though I loved seeing on the days he was working and I happened to be there to restock my fridge back home, I normally just avoided him. Though when he stood at the cash register I'd practically run to his line.

    I always wondered how old he was and his name, despite all the store employees wearing name tags I never paid much attention to his. On one occasion I got lucky though. He was working the register that day and there were only two people in his lane so I joined in. When it was my turn he said 'hi' to me and started cashing in my items. I blushed, said 'hello' back a bit too softly, but got a good look at his name tag that time. Lucas was his name. On another occasion I was approaching the glassed-in refrigerated cubicle which was separate from the dairy section where more yogurt brands and sour cream were. There were a couple of unpacked boxes on the right of the stand and I hadn't noticed Luke sitting on top of them looking through his phone. When I stopped, for a split-second he looked up at me before jumping off and walking away through an aisle still looking at his phone. I quickly grabbed a yogurt jar and walked off in the opposite direction. My heart slowed a bit once I'd left the diary aisle, but that fleeting moment when he looked up made my heart jump a beat and I so longed to get close to him, snuggle up to him, or at least talk to him somehow.

     I kept my crush on this guy a secret from family and friends since I wasn't really close to my family and my mother suffered from schizophrenia, so she wouldn't be somebody I'd get good advice from about this crush. And, I didn't really want to annoy my friends about him.  His coworkers were the only people who probably suspected something was up because, stupidly, I'd asked them questions about Luke; questions they didn't know the answers to. Being naïve, I had high hopes this crush would evolve into a relationship.

                                                             *************

     In the meantime I had to prepare for an upcoming midterm for the next day and then work afterwards. The test would cover human anatomy and brain development in children ages 2 -4 years of age. I was never really good in high school biology so I'd need to study extra hard to at least get a decent grade. That night I stayed up to until two in the morning to study for the midterm, but I concentrate. The hot guy was constantly on my mind. Finally, I gave up and put the textbook down for the night too tired to fight off the distraction.

     I had only one class that morning and, then work. The prof did a mini-lecture before the midterm to test our memory on the previous few weeks of lectures while I sat there half-awake. I just wanted to write that damned midterm and be done with it, leave campus. I hated this part of the class, but I had to wait it out. Finally, the prof started handing out the midterms and because I sat in the front of the auditorium I got it earlier. I quickly turn it over without looking at anyone to see if we were allowed to start the test once we got it and started writing. I didn't know the answers to almost half the questions asked so I just wrote total bullshit hoping at least some of the things I said would be correct. I finished the exam pretty early as many of the students were still writing. I rushed to hand it in, grabbed my jacket and bag, and ran out. Once outside I slowed down heading for the bus stop. My car was in for a maintenance check. Waiting for the bus I dwelled on the idea of finished my degree early. That would give me a way out of the tedious mundane routine of going to classes, classes that didn't interested me anymore, while working in the afternoons. Accelerating my pace in the program would be tough, but it would pay off in the long-run. Graduating would mean that I could enter the workforce full-time without school projects, papers, or exams hanging over my head. I was already halfway through; I calculated that to achieve my goals I would need to take one extra course next semester, a full course load for two summers and another extra class each semester during the year. I could do it if I put my mind to it, I hoped. The bus squealed to a stop and I got on.