War

Chapter 21

Janis' POV

   We've been on the run for about a year now, and I still have not spoken to anyone other than Steve, Nat, and Sam. Wanda ran to parts unknown so she could see Vision sometimes. My dad still has not called, which hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I had been mildly depressed for a little while over it, truthfully. Luckily, the people I had left were doing their best to pull me out and remind me that I wasn't alone. Steve and I were still inseparable, but it was hard without our other partner in crime around. There hasn't been a day to go by where we didn't discuss our move going forward, and the last thing we wanted was any big changes to compromise us.

   There was a pregnancy scare a few months before that put me in a panic. I have tracked my own periods since I was 16, so when I came up late one month, I went to Steve and cried with fear. We've always been careful, but no form of contraception is perfect. Steve shared my feelings but insisted that whatever happened, we would be okay and we would do it together. When I started bleeding a week after, I could not confirm if it was just a strangely late cycle or a chemical pregnancy. Whatever it was, it passed and I did not want it to happen again so I started on the pill. The situation made us a lot closer, at least, and opened the door for more conversations about what we could do if this fugitive thing ever goes away. The thing that nearly closed that door happened a month later.

   I woke up in a motel bed, locked in a cozy embrace. I rolled over and kissed Steve's sleeping face, which was enough to wake him up. He had been growing out his hair and had a beard now and he knew I really liked it, as it took him from "Boy scout" to "Lumberjack" rather fast. His eyes fluttered open and stared into mine, causing us both to smile.

"Marry me." He said, not asking and with no fear. My smile didn't falter, mainly because I thought he was being playful. I jokingly rolled my eyes,

"It's not necessary, you know how I feel about that." I giggled. Maybe it was because I was still sleepy, but I gathered that I had misread his charming seriousness when his grin melted away and he got out of bed. I sat up and spoke again, "Come back to bed, baby."

"You know, maybe I'm just old-fashioned but I figured if I did it without all of the traditional diamond ring and one-knee stuff, you'd entertain the idea." He huffed, trying not to sound too unhappy but his tone was easy enough to read. I didn't want to fight about it, I just wanted him to come back to bed but as he put his clothes on and tried and failed to keep his hot attitude about it concealed, I couldn't hold back my words.

"That's not fair, Steven. I'm happy with how we are now." I said, not hiding my distaste for his reaction. He continued to rapidly dress and stomp his way through the room and into the bathroom without a word or reaction to what I had said, and boy, do I hate being ignored. "What if you wake up one morning and realize that I'm not it for you? It's a hell of a lot harder to get out when you're contractually obligated." I told him, trying to convey my abandonment issues without fully admitting my fear. Steve stopped at the foot of the bed and unbunched a pair of socks,

"That's unrealistic and unreasonable. People don't just wake up and decided that the person they love isn't good enough." He said, finally responding. I felt tears screaming behind my eyes as I was unable to hold back my thoughts from spewing through my lips. I knew this conversation would have to happen at some point, but even after Bucky warned me on our mission last year, I still was not prepared for it.

"Everyone seems to leave at some point. If there is no legal obligation to stick around then it will be a lot less painful if you leave. I know you want to settle down with a wife and kids and a dog and a picket fence but I do all the same stuff that you do and when you realize that I can't give you those things, you may seek out someone who will." I rambled, my voice sounding weaker and weaker as I spoke. Steve was sitting on the bed with his back to me now, no longer putting on his socks and shoes. I couldn't see his face, but I knew what it looked like.

"Why is it me leaving in this scenario? If anything, I'm the one questioning if you want a life with me at all," he said softly but sternly. I was still in the same spot I sat up in, water now streaming from my ducts. I didn't want him to feel that way.

"I'm here, aren't I? Does this not count as a life together? Is the fact that we've been through all of this together not proof enough that I'm committed? I don't need a ring to know that you are, and I'm just trying to believe in the present and make it out on the other side of all of this with you. I'm not saying that I will never marry you, but I just need you to be patient with me until we get there. Please, Steve." I pleaded. He turned his head a bit to look back at me, and I took that as an invitation to scoot up and wrap my arms and legs around his middle. "I love you, don't doubt that." I reassured, planting gentle kisses on his back and shoulders. I felt his hand wrap around one of my ankles and heard a small, comfortable chuckle slip out.

"I know, Janny. I love you too."