𝐊𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐧𝐚 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

Her P.O.V:

As I'm lying here alone on the snowy path of the mighty Himalayas motionlessly....without having energy to even open my eyes...waiting for death to take me to the afterlife....i couldn't help but think about you. Hopelessly Wishing that....i could see you one last time. That only if i could hear your enchanting flute notes for one last time....Even Today....in the last moments of my life....while standing 2 feet away from death, instead of recalling my past deeds or past incidents of my life...even instead of recalling my mistakes...sins....I'm lying here and wishing to see you in front of me again. Hah!! Look at me...Kanha...like a complete desperate and obsessed fool...I started thinking about you again.

Whom I'm even kidding?? When did i even stopped?? There's not a single moment in my life, when i didn't thought about you. You're omniscient....The one who knows everything. Nothing in this world is hidden from you. I'm sure you were aware of my feelings...but you choosed to ignore it. Perhaps i wasn't...enough capable to be worthy of your love...still getting you as my 'Sakha' was enough....at least i had someone, who never left my side in my whole life. Be it the time when i was being stripped off in the Kuru Court, be it the first time...i offered myself to my husbands...Even now at the time of my death, You and your thoughts were always with me. It's been almost 2 decades.....since you left your mortal body to go back to your celestial abord...but your thought never left my mind. I'm that much obsessed with you that My lips unknowingly still calls your name, hoping you'll answer it.....my eyes still search for you, hoping it could steal a glance of you.....my heart still memorize your beautiful enchanting smile, hoping to witness it again.....and Your last words..... thry are still ringing in my head.

''No I'm not leaving you Krishnaa....look at me and remember.....I'll forever remain with you, as your shadow Sakhi....as a part of your soul...in every step of your life....no matter wherever you go......you'll always find Krishna with you!!!"That's what you said to me, didn't you?? Look now oh Gopal....my soul is also going to leave me now....making this so called beautiful body nothing more than a waste.

'When a man dies, he leaves behind nothing. Just this crumbling body is left here and even that is not his own. The soul flies away - when was it his, anyway?' That's what you said to Arjun also in the Kurukhsetra war. Alas Arjun!!! Mahanayak Sabyasachi Arjun!! The Third Pandava!! Your bestfriend!! My husband. My most beloved husband among them. He also left my side in the end....leaving me alone to die here.

But you know i don't blame him. I don't blame his brothers, my other 4 husbands. I don't blame them at all!!! Why should they wait for someone, who never mattered to them more than their righteousness and duties?? Why should they let someone unwanted & unessential like me be the burden in their path of heaven??? I had already completed all my wifely duties. They have all completed their duties as my husband. There's no obligation between them and me anymore. Then why should i matter to them now???

If we'll be honest....In the first place, There's no love between me and them....i wasn't someone they loved like they loved their other wives. For them...i was just a trophy....they can showcase to the whole world. They did loved me like a husband should love his wife....but their love wasn't unconditional. Like the love between us. I know they thinks....i was the reason behind this war. I was the one, who made them kill their own family members. Yes, probably to avenge my humiliations....but also because i wanted to become the Empress. I was greedy for the kingdom. Hah!! What a irony!! Who craved the hunger of power?? Who actually enjoyed the power?? And who's going to be blamed for it???

'A man suffers the consequences of his own deeds'. You're the one, who said it to Arjun, didn't you?? Then For a crime, i never committed....why i do have to take all the blames on my head??? Despite someone else being the root of all the causes, why my righteous husbands emptied the entire cup of blame on my head and went away - leaving me thus at death's door!!! Why Govind?? Oh the slayer of mighty Kansa....why did for a unwanted righteous work....I have to bear the burden of the whole world's mockery, sneers, innuendos, abuse, scorns and slanders??? Is this how this world is gonna remember Krishnaa?? Will there be no one, who'll stand for her?? For once to understand Panchali's reasons...her hardship at all?? Will there be anyone, who'll understand me, Panchali Krishnaa??? Just Like in the way you did??

Yes I know it....The society will forever blame me...for doing partiality between my husbands. They will think the reason why i couldn't go to heaven in my mortal body....was because i loved Arjun more than my other husbands. Even though i dutifully fulfilled all my duties as their wife. I tormented every pain, humiliations for their sake. To keep them united....i divided my heart into 5 pieces. Something, no woman had ever done. But even after all these sacrifices....i had to bear this accusation of doing partiality between my husbands too till the end of time.

But that accusation was true in some ways though!! Yes...i accept I did love Arjun more than my other 4 husbands. But he wasn't my one true love. I loved him...because he was one of those few people...who actually cared for me, he tried to protest all the unfair things happened with me...But More importantly, he was the only one....who knew about my true love. He knew....what i really feel!! About him...about his brothers and most importantly....about You. About Us.

What was our relation??? How should i define it?? When It never had a name....a true social description. Some said we're very good friends....some said you're like siblings...some said i was attracted to you too. But none of them were true. None of them were false either....it all was half truth...half lie...far more dangerous than a lie. They'll never be able to ask me about it....cause if they would have, I'd have kept my head high in pride and would have told them all that like the sky, our relationship had no beginning & end. Like the sun...our relationship had no rises or sets. Just like the desire of a man's heart...it was neither fulfilled nor left empty. No one can ever describe it in words because our relationship was....special. it was sacred, it was pure...without having any expectations from each other.....it was just selfless love. For me....it was the only thing, that kept me alive all these years...between all sufferings and pains. Our relationship....was the solo reason of my existence. My life.

Some say that I'm a part of your eternal consort Goddess Laxmi. Some say that I'm a part of your eternal love Radha. That's why you're so attached with me. But i know that it's not true. I don't know what was your reason to always be there for me....but i know it was not because of who i was...and this is what makes me love you even more. But yeah I was just a normal human being, not a Goddess and i don't want anyone to remember as a extraordinary person, while in reality i was not. I know they'll remember me. Most Probably they'll remember me as the dusky younger unwanted twin of the most beautiful woman ever....the trophy wife of all Pandavas....the reason behind the Kurukhsetra war.....history made sure they'll remember me. But what hurts me the most is no one will ever know the true story of my life. For them...I'm just a arrogant queen, who destroyed one of the biggest clans of india ever....just to be the Queen. Who was the reason behind her father, her brother, her sons, her brother in laws, her grand father in law's death....she was arrogant and highly ambitious. But i was not....no I'm not. who better than you and me knows....i was was much more than it. I am....much more than it.

The main reason why i want to tell it...i don't want to take the secrets and guilts of this lifetime to my afterlife. That's why, before my death....i want to retell the world my story....even before all this began....although no one will ever listen it...i hope you will do!! Even while sitting far away from me in your celestial abord...You do listen because you know you're the very reason....this story began. You're the one....who gave me another chance to live a life. O Sakha! The day I was insulted in the Kuru court, having lost confidence in the five husbands, casting all shame aside, with both hands uplifted, it was you I called, it was before you that I surrendered. And today when once again my five husbands have gone ahead leaving me helpless, I am offering myself to you. All my grief and agony, insults and heartbreaks - I am offering you everything. If I am no longer my own, why should my grief remain mine only??By your wish Krishnaa's eyes have opened and shut, her breath has come and gone. Then, have you no share in her praise and blame??? You do Dwarkadheesh and That's why....Oh Madhusudan!! The eternal enchanter...Hey Govind...Allow me to narrate the true journey of Panchali's life, from her perspective only. Oh Keshav....Vaasudeva Mohan murari.....Allow me to stay alive for some more time to tell this world the true heart wrenching story of Krishnaa....Your Krishnaa.

Your Sakhi

N.B: This part of story is heavily inspired by the first chapter of book 'Yajnaseni: the story of Draupadi' by Pratibha Ray!! If you haven't read it...i hope you'll do!! Cause i loved it a lot and I'm sure you'll do too!!