Widened Eyes

1

Xiao gasped, his throat seeming to close as he attempted to breathe leaving him quite unable to inhale as much air as he should. His fear was getting to him as he scrambled forwards, hunching over his knees as his fingers desperately grabbed at his throat as though that was going to help, though he knew that it would not. He would be lucky to get through this alive, but perhaps that was not necessarily a bad thing? After all, some things were better unquestioned and left, and  death had been long in coming, he thought as the dark wind circling around him clung to his skin and wound its way around his throat even tighter, as though it were a noose of his own making. He wanted to laugh, would if he had the air to do so, it was of his own making and it was just as much saving him as killing him in the end was it not? Xiao felt his body fall to the side, his hands still desperately grasping at his throat. He would survive this, though, he always did. Sadly, as a part of him wished that maybe he would not survive, yet each time he wakes. Whether it was a day, two days, a week, or mere hours after passing out, he still woke up in the end, and so far the blank times had gotten longer and longer, and yet despite all of that he still woke up at the end of it all nonetheless. 

It had been like this since Rex Lapis died. His Master. He still was not quite able to put his head around the thought. He was not sure what to think. Surely if...if he had died, he would have known that it was coming and yet he told nobody, and in the end none had been able to quite help him. Xiao was not sure what that said of him, but he was the person that was supposed to protect Rex Lapis in the end, was he not? Which meant that he had failed...once again.

 Perhaps he was the curse. It would be fitting a title and after all, he had served at least two different masters now, and each had been murdered. The third did not wish for him, and he was left abandoned while he had to figure out what to do with his endless hours and days, contemplating and wasting his time away, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. In the end, he just continued with his contract, much to the chagrin of Barbatos, his newest Master, even if Venti refused the title for what else was he supposed to call him now that Morax had left this earth. Barbatos had not been the only one agitated that he continued his never-ending contract, even Cloud Retainer had shown dislike that Xiao would bother continuing with it seeing it as useless now that not only had Liyue had the Qixing and the others, but Morax was dead. To them, he should take a break, but that was the problem then. He did not know how to do that, and he was not sure that he wanted to. He could not blame them, though. In the end, Xiao supposed he understood why they disliked his adherence to his contract. Cloud Retainer's Contract had been nullified by Rex Lapis' death, but as far as Xiao was aware, he did not think his actually had an end date, but for when Rex Lapis deemed it. Now, though, Rex Lapis was dead, and Xiao was to continue like this. That was what he thought, and so that was what he did, with nothing more to do besides it.

Before, Morax would gracefully allow him medicine ever so often. Said medicine was useful despite Xiao's hatred to burden his Master, and would aid in his sleep, his ability to remain sane, and it was with that medicine that he could sleep, eat, and walk without too much trouble or pain. Should he be injured, the medicine worked the same, aiding his healing process. Now, Morax was dead. His Master was unable to provide this medicine, and even further, Xiao did not know where or how he had managed to procure it, not that it would be useful. He was not sure he was allowed to take the medicine outside of what Morax had given him, and he would not taint his death by disobeyed previous orders, therefore, he merely trudged on, getting slowly worse and worse.

At times, Xiao wanted to curse Barbatos, for had the other merely accepted the Contract Xiao was bound to in his former Master's stead, maybe Xiao would have been allotted freedom, of a sort, not being so lost and confused, having a purpose but it was different now. He had nothing. Rex Lapis was gone, Barbatos refused to take on the remainder of Morax's contract, having seemed horribly uncomfortable at the mere thought. Xiao found now, he supposed it made sense. In more ways than one, and it hurt even further at the realization.

Nobody wanted a broken tool. Rex Lapis had saved him, gave him a purpose and a contract, and something to live for, but now, with him gone, he did not know what to do. He did not have anyone steering him, and it confused him. Barbatos had said that he would never understand freedom if he remained tied to a master, but Rex Lapis had been his master, and he had set him free, so he could not quite understand how Barbatos would claim such things. He did not quite understand his words, though he could not admit such to the God of Anemo, he was not that stupid.

Xiao felt his eyes close...mind beginning to shut down as they did. Perhaps, perhaps this is where I join Master, may Morax be so gracious as to receive me. I am...I am so...so...tired...Perhaps this is my penance, should Rex Lapis allow, may I fall into the arms of...The sentence was never managed to finish, his eyes closing shut for what he hoped was just the last time...not noticing a golden light flashing around him...just hoping that this was it, and he would not suffer any longer.