01:00 AM
"If love can fade, so can pain."
I saw it in a book once, but I always thought it was a load of bullshit. And today, as I drown in drinks, cleansing my internal scars with the bitter taste of alcohol, I am reminded of how misleading that simple statement was. It wasn't my first relationship, nor would it be my last. There was nothing special enough to reminisce, rather it was regret that brought about my melancholy. I was always left heartbroken by the fact that I wasn't enough. They would always cheat, lie, or simply ghost me, no matter how much effort I put into the relationship. And so, I am left alone each time, questioning who was the real problem. With each sip of my drink, I regret the insignificant mistakes I made throughout the experience as if that would have made any difference in the outcome.
Drunk beyond my limit, I stumble out of the bar, having had enough of my reminiscing. Pushing through the crowd of young bachelors looking to find their next 'victim', I lose my footing. Instead of my falling, I'm held up by muscular arms snaked around my waist. The giant forearms bulged as they moved to pull me into a chest, embracing me. I try to turn around to catch a glimpse of my savior, but he keeps my head straight and leads me out of the bar, shielding me from the room of desperate men surrounding us. When we reach the cobblestone sidewalk at the bar's entrance, I can finally spin around.
My curious eyes are met with azure ones, somewhat covered by strands of black curly hair. Contrasting his chiseled face and sharp jaw he maintained a warm and soft expression. His eyebrows arched in a manner that conveyed more sympathy than pity. More admiration than judgment. More kindness than obligation. We held eye contact for what felt like hours. I was lost in the ocean that formed with the reflection of nearby lights on his cornea. Finally, he broke the silence with an introduction.
"I'm Jason. Nice to meet you." His voice was just like his face: rough and attractive.
"I'm y/n." I slurred.
"So y/n...you need a ride home?"
I was too drunk to make a coherent sentence, much less form a rational thought. Therefore, in my desperation, I immediately agreed. If I was going to get kidnapped, it might as well be because of a handsome man.
Contradictory to my expectations, Jason was very gentlemanly. He kept me close in his grasp as we walked to his car, but never touched me anywhere other than my waist. As he seated me and headed to sit in the driver's seat beside me, I rapidly blinked, trying to keep my eyes open. His voice soon faded in the background and before I knew it, everything went black.
05:30 AM
I groggily woke up, rubbing my eyes to see darkness surrounding me. I'm lying in a car seat with a blanket draped over me and a satin pillow cushioning my heavy head. Looking in front of me I see Jason sleeping with nothing to keep him warm and using his jacket as a makeshift pillow. Admiring his sleeping form, I don't question his situation. There could have been millions of reasons why he kept a pillow and a blanket in his car. Who was I to judge? It wasn't as if my living situation wasn't any better. After all, I was homeless. Kicked out of my ex's apartment last night after we broke apart.
I reach the phone in my back pocket and click the power button to check the time: 5:37 a.m. As I briefly check my inbox for any notifications, I hear a yawn beside me. Jason had finally awoken and was staring at me. Not in a creepy, lustful way, but rather in a more affectionate, almost loving manner.
He questioned, "So, how'd you end up shitfaced last night."
He was someone who I may never see again, so I quite confidently muttered, "My ex."
"Man, he must've been blind to have lost a catch like you."
I chuckled at the compliment. It had been forever since I heard niceties being uttered from my former love, so it was no surprise that my heart fluttered. "How about you? Your girlfriend dump you too?"
It seemed he had the same idea, as he confessed, "I'm practically dead to everyone I know and I'm just frustrated that I didn't realize how little they cared for me earlier."
Gently rubbing his shoulder, y/n comforted, "I don't know you or them, but from my experience, maybe give them a chance at redemption?"
"Experience?"
"It's not my first time in that bar and it sure as hell won't be the last."
This time he let out a hearty laugh and I joined along. When we began to calm down, the pure ecstasy that coursed through my body urged me to lean forward. I was inches away from his face when he realized my intention. In mere seconds, he gently grabbed my hair to pull me closer, passionately kissing me. His touch felt so fresh and welcoming. Better than any of my exes'. I moved my hands to match his rhythm, embracing his husky exterior and feeling his muscular biceps. My eyes were closed and my mind alight, hoping that this kiss might lead to something more.
A week later – 03:00 AM
Ever since our chance encounter, Jason and I have texted religiously. Usually, I called it a night by midnight, but tonight was different. Jason had told me he was headed to make amends with his family in an 'unconventional' way, whatever that meant, so I was helping him work out all his frustration before the meeting. With a few final words of encouragement and reassuring messages, I headed to bed.
I slept like a baby for about three hours before being awoken by a loud thud in my living room. Startled, I jump out of bed and rush out. In the dimly lit room, I see a man in cargo pants and a leather jacket with a red mask, splayed across the floor in a pool of his blood. I was left motionless as I tried to understand the peculiar situation. When I patch him up, I'll get all the answers I need. With this thought, I rush over to my medicine cabinet, grab the first aid kit, and position myself at the man's side.
After I stitched and sewed the gaping wounds on his chest, I brought my attention to his masked face. Slowly, I attempted to remove his chipped helmet but was stopped when his hand grabbed my wrist. Immediately, I let go of the mask and strained to free myself from his grip. It seemed my struggle had fully woken him, as he sat up, pulled me closer, and whispered, "Don't touch the mask." The rasp in his voice gave away the menacing tone he was trying to convey, and despite his warning, I continued to take off his mask.
Shock wouldn't even begin to describe how I felt. The man I had partially patched up was the very man who I harbored feelings for. From the night we met, I felt nothing but lust and sympathy for him but now...
"Jason?" I asked, my mouth slightly agape as I tried to process all the information I had gathered.
"Y/n, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I-"
"Sorry? If you died where would I be, crying over your dead body? You're the Red Hood goddammit. You didn't think to warn me before you got close to me?"
"I never meant for you to know. Or at least to find out like this."
"Then what? Were you expecting me to be another one of your victims?"
"What the hell?"
"I've seen the news. Those stories of all the people you've killed, innocent or otherwise."
"No! No, I would never do that to you. I..."
"You care for me? Is that it?"
"Yes."
"Did you care for me enough to consider how I would feel?"
"Of course."
"Then...did you love me?"
His silence was answer enough. I let out a chuckle as tears uncontrollably rolled down my cheek. "It's pathetic really, how much I still hope it's you and me in the end." My vision blurs and when I blink, he's gone. Without even a goodbye. I'm alone again and left to pick up the pieces.
It's like deja vu.
