Through his eyes

Bad decisions

                                 4 months after him

i don't think i'll every be happy.
I have feeling that there'll always be empty part off me. no happiness no saddens just emptiness.
And it's frightening.
I miss the girl i was.
7  months ago.
i was so happy without even realizing it . I wanted more , i craved for it.  And i got what i wished for. And now I'm hating the girl i became. i hate the fact that i wanted it. i hate the fact that i let him change me into his own view of prettiness . And even now, when he's not here, i see through his eyes.
He destroyed me. I blame him for every bad, stupid and wrong decision i made after him, and i made a lot of those. I know that me before him wouldn't even try considering those wrong decisions while me after him went in without even trying to think.
And that's who i became, the girl living in the  moment, and its all fun when you're 18 living in the moment except that you have future, future that you've been working, thinking, living for your whole life,and now after him, you are step by step destroying it because you weren't loved by the guy you were in love with.
Im talking all this bullshit about me before him knowing damn well i would do everything same again and i might even try to go back to the  past to feel every moment again because that was a life.
Life before him was meaningless, life with him was teen romance movie in 4k and life after him is a second part of teen romance movie where female protoganist try to find love in other guys that have same personality of fuck boy like "The guy" had, and it's not working .