Bonne Nuit// Charles Leclerc

Ch.11

TW - Death (It's not graphic whatsoever though a trigger warning felt necessary), read at your own discretion x 

"I'm so embarrassed" I grunt, sitting up from Charles' lap. I flinch, a sharp pain stabbing at my head, causing my ears to ring. My eyes blink furiously, adjusting to the light as I rub my temple softly. 

"You're okay" Pierre smiles warmly, sitting down onto the floor next to me. He appears to ponder for a minute, slowly reaching for my hand. As his skin makes contact with mine, a small shock runs through my body, but I nonetheless melt into his warm and reassuring touch. 

Charles grunts, sharply prompting me to realise that I am still sat in his lap. I attempt to move, but my body feels as though it weighs a ton and I struggle, eventually giving up and remaining in  his embrace. His body is warm against mine, comforting. I mimic his rhythmic breaths, inhaling and exhaling as I gradually calm down. 

"Thought we'd lost u for a sec there" Lando laughs nervously, and I can't help but smile at him. 

The smile does not last long, as I begin to think about the situation, and how I got myself into it. Whilst it was Max and Daniel's fault that I had ended up in the water, they were not to blame. My lived experiences, my body and my mind; were to blame. 

When I was little, I use to adore swimming. Each week, my parents would drop me off at the local swimming pool at 9am sharp, leaving me there for two hours as I splashed around in bliss. I shan't claim that I was ever particularly good at swimming, but the water brought a certain thrill to me. 

I grew up listening to my mother's tales from her travels all over the world. My mother was extraordinary - she had visited almost half of the countries in the world by the time she was 25, dedicating her youth to exploration and thrill-seeking. She had swum with dolphins, chased the highest peaks in Europe and had lived in India for a short while, where she met my father. 

Sebastian and I, though young at the time, can perfectly recall the tales of her adventures which she told at the dinner table every evening. She seemed to have millions of different, intricate, little stories, which kept us both occupied as we wistfully listened to her with wide eyes. 

And so, the swimming pool became my little adventure, and I dreamt of swimming in the sea, experiencing the thrills my mother spoke at length about. A thrill seeker herself, mother was weary of letting Sebastian and I get too carried away with chasing adrenaline, and so she sheltered and nurtured us through most of our childhood; allowing us to experience thrill only vicariously through her tales. 

Each night before bed, Sebastian and I would beg mother to tell us a story, and we would believe anything she told us - real or fake. Naivety, that's the beauty of being a child. She'd smile, nestling into my bed next to me whilst extending a welcoming arm to Sebastian, beckoning him to join us. Then, with Sebastian and I curled under her arms, she'd begin her stories, and we'd slowly drift off, never quite hearing the ending. 

As a result of her exploration, mother was often away, but she always came back. And then, on a day that was seemingly as ordinary as any other, she didn't. 

I remember it more clearly than anything else. Sebastian and I eagerly waiting to hear the front door opening, sitting together at the top of the stairs as we knew mother would want to talk to our father before she came to embrace us. 

And so we sat. And then, when the door eventually opened, it wasn't mother's voice. Seb and I sat, listening to the muffled male voices conversing with our father. 

Eventually, our father walked up the stairs, slowly, to us. His eyes were red and swollen with tears, his face crest-fallen in a way that I had never seen before and haven't seen since. It's difficult to explain, but although we were little children, Sebastian and I's intuition told us everything we needed to know. 

"Where's mama?" Sebastian mumbled in my fathers direction, squeezing my little hand as he sought to both gain and provide reassurance. 

"Mummy's decided to keep travelling. For a long, long time. She sends her hugs and kisses to you both." Our father had sighed, refusing to look either of us in the eyes as he mustered a weak smile. 

And so, our mother disappeared, becoming one of her tales. 

On my fourteenth birthday, father decided we were old enough to know the truth. 

"Lila. Happy birthday again my love." Dad smiled, a glaze forming over his eyes. Sebastian joins us at the table, and a silence falls upon the room. 

"I've been thinking about how I'll tell you both this for a while, as I knew the day would come where you would both want the answers you deserve. This isn't easy, but you both should know." Father began nervously, his eyes scanning Sebastian and I nervously. 

We both knew what he was talking about, having often overheard people at school and family members whispering about how our mother was dead. Whilst it was anything but pleasant, we had been young when our mother had disappeared, and so her absence was something we had grown up used to. It feels almost wrong to say it, but we missed an image of her that we had built up over the years rather than her herself, having been too young to hold many real memories. 

Father went on to explain how mother had loved to travel, how it had been her sole purpose and passion in life, and how she had always taken too many risks but was lucky. Always lucky. 

"And then, a day before she was going to come home and put travelling on pause so she could look after you both, she went cliff diving. A final goodbye to the life she had grown so used to, I guess. But your mother liked doing things her own way, and she didn't go with a guide, so when she jumped... it was too shallow." Father began to well up. "Too shallow" He repeated, continuing on to explain that she had drowned, her body never found. 

And so, I developed a fear of the sea. It's irrational, I know, but the water reminds me of her, almost as though I can feel her near me whenever I'm in it. It scares me, petrifies me even. 

A voice in my head stuns my body, telling me that I'll see my mother, and panic takes over me. 

a/n

I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL U GUYS!!!! I MET ALEX ALBON!!! AT THE AIRPORT!!! AHHHH it was so surreal. 

I'm sorry I've been away for so long, but now I'm back and determined to keep our story going. This chapter was a bit of a filler, but I felt like some depth was necessary and a little backstory never hurt anyone. Besides, you'll get more than enough romantic content soon. 

Please comment and vote on this chapter, it really helps motivate me :)

Love Xx