The stories of how she feels - free to use for ideas

The fear of pregnancy

She stared blankly at the lit screen of her Ipad, the faint sound of her favorite youtuber played in the background but she didn't care enough to tune in and see what the video was even about. She blinked slowly almost as if she was tired or at least so she felt.
She quickly checked to see what her boyfriend was doing on their video call, still as she left him playing his games, 'Maybe he is annoyed with me.. maybe even angry' she sighed hoping not to cause him to look and ask her if she was finnaly ready to talk.
She knew this was wrong but she felt as if apologizing would be useless if it didn't feel truly honest to her, finally her fixed gaze on her Ipads screen snapped, it's been five minutes since she opened her drawing app hoping to draw something to ease her thoughts yet no idea came to her mind, she thought maybe reading would help if not drawing still feeling as her stomach turned at the feeling she did the wrong thing. She looked at her bookshelf aproximatly 70 books found their home there yet nothing caught her attention 'maybe there's something online for me to read' she turned her Ipad on once agian, her eyes scanning to find the app she was currently reading on, upon opening the app her ees scanned the stories, some fiction, some horror even a few romances, yet again nothing sparked her interest she decided to look at her phone screen again this time to notice her boyfriend was not at his desk but rather he was trainning, she felt a tug at her stomach as her mouth curved into a small frown she had remembered, they both promised each other to train for the last month of summer before going back to school as seniors only to cound how manydays she hasn't taken that promise seriosly enough, but she couldn't blame herself at the same time. She was scared.. only five days ago did her boyfriend go back home after spending sometime with her only to leave her with two new problems, her eating disorder that was picking up again a habit she hated having and the fear that they were to reckless. She took a breath turning her Ipad sideways placing it on it's stand, she muted the sound and turned on a random video to get lost in thought to. She knew the risks they were taking she is turning 17 in less than a month and he was already 17 for almost half a year, it wasn't as if they weren't alone together already it wasn't as if they didn't have sex already, they were grown, everyone always teased them about it but now she felt sick at the thought. She might be pregnant she knew that much, sure they bought the pill sure they acted fast yet after he left she looked at the dates, thats where she knew she messed up, she was ovaluating she wasn't sure when, she only knew the time was close if not at the time they decided to be so reckless. She took a deep breath doing her best to ease her thoughts, sure her boyfriend knew and he was ready to be supportive of any choice she decided to make they spoke about it so much in the past week he even had to calm her out of her panic the day after he left, but the feeling that she was pregnant was to much she didn't know what she'd do hoping she just wasn't pregnant hoping she just wouldn't have a child at the end of the day. She counted the days only 9 more left untill her period was due to arrive although they decided she would be taking a pregnancy test over at his when she comes over in two days, sure it would be to early for one only 8 days would have passed by then and there would be no real tell if she truly is or isn't pregnant that is until the second test if her period didn't arrive. She glanced at the clock, 22:44, 'heh' looked like a weird angel number, maybe something hinting at her everything was okay, she felt a tad bit tired she debated going to bed soon, looking at her phone as she saw her boyfriend wasn't in frame but surely he was back at his desk from the way the phone was positioned and his chair was seen, she stayed there watching not long after the sound of his bedrooms door opened and soon she moved her gaze back to her Ipads screen, he said nothing as if he knew it wasn't his turn to talk, she felt as if talking would help their akward situation she knew it, but she didn't know how to start.