Potion of reality♡

he did it again

https://open.spotify.com/track/5JCoSi02qi3jJeHdZXMmR8?si=RU5GmYSTRs-QliMqLqjqEg

he promised
he said those sweet promising words again
I felt like I had the power of choice
I felt like he's not that bad after all
but he's as rotten as the ends of the flower bouquet he gave me for my birthday.

Is it that hard? For me, my mom and sometimes my sister it's a normal thing to accept personal boundaries. But for him? It's like impossible. He always promises, he always cares, but that's just an act. He does that to manipulate us to some sort of situation that he can control, that he can make and that he basically pays for. He might be a millionaire with a car, a pretty apartment and a bitch, but he doesn't have the luxury of living a truthful life. His life is one big lie, one fat and ugly lie. He showed me how ugly his lies are, how they hurt. One time it seems like he's the good guy, he's lying to keep you with him and to control you. But when you find out and ask him about it, he's suddenly sending you to the psychiatrist. How does this man still have his reputation? How is he still so wanted for his money? Why didn't I kill him? I could, and I can. Is the love of my sister towards this man so strong that it keeps me from killing him? How long until the last string of my patience will be cut by him?

all the things I did
just so I could be your good girl
the lies
the hitting
the tantrums
the abuse
even when my heads were covered in blood
I still fought
and I ALWAYS WILL
doesn't matter what you do now because I've always knew
everything
and now you're the fool
because you're trying to take control over me
again
and again
and you will never take control over
the little girl you could not fooled
now
the woman you could not restrain.

- my brain feels fuzzy, the thousands voices in my head, but here is another piece of my soul -