Before It sinks in

One

Suspended in the air
I hear myself breathing
Hanging by a thread
My heart is barely beatingI haven't fallen yet
But I feel it comin'
Tell me would it be too much to ask
If you break it to me gentlyThat I'm waking the next day
Without you beside me
And who I hold on to today
Tomorrow will just be a memoryThat I would look back at all of this
And wonder why I stayed in here
Just to watch you disappearSo I breathe and let you go
How do I breathe and let you go?Before it's too late
I'll take a step away
I know one word would make me go
Rushing back to youSo I'll just shut my eyes
Forget that you were mine
How do you go from making one your home
And then just letting it all goLet me take it in
Before it sinks inFar beyond my reach
Is the future you promised
Now what I never even had
I have every reason to missAnd I don't know where
I could find the strength to let you go
When the only love I've come to know
Packed his bags and left me alone
You found another homeSo before it's too late
I'll take a step away
I know one word would make me go
Rushing back to youAnd I'll just shut my eyes
Forget that you were mine
How do you go from making one your home
And then just letting it all goLet me take it in
Before it sinks inGo
Go
Go
GoBefore it's too late
I'll take a step away
I know one word would make me go
Rushing back to youI'll just shut my eyes
Forget that you were mine
How do you go from making one your home
And then just letting it all goLet me take it in
Before it sinks in

Napakasimoy ng hangin dito sa amin. Nakaupo ako habang minamasdan ang mga kabataang naglalaro sa labas ng aming bahay. Ganito pala ang buhay dito sa Probinsya. You can see children that is enjoying their life without thinking of so many problems. You can breath fresh air while looking at the trees.  I've been living here in our province for almost 8 years. I am Lily Sisi at may congestive heart failure ako, and it means that My heart is unable to pump blood around my body properly na naging dahilan kung bakit ako mahina. Hindi ko ito ginusto but it is what it is Hindi naman siguro nagbigay si God ng sakit na hindi ko makakaya. Makakaya ko ito at kakayanin ko. when I was 21 years old I discovered that I have a heart failure and that time also I discovered that the man that I loved loves someone else. 

July 3,2022 

" It's nice to see you again Bianca. How are you? " I'm talking to my Friend Bianca Gonzales. She's my senior at ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita after 3 months kasi umuwi sya sa kanilang lugar at binantayan ang ama n'yang may sakit. We've been friend for a year now at masaya ako dahil nakilala ko sya hindi man kami madalas nagkakausap o nagkikita atleast alam kong true friend sya. She hugged me tight 

" I'm good How about you? I heard that you and Samuel broke up is it true?" She asked me with a serious face

" yeah we broke up a couple of months ago How did you know?" I replied 

" He told me." I was stunned and shocked on what she had said.

" when did He told you?" I asked her

" Yesterday, I was about to meet you but I bump into him and I asked him how are you and he replied That you and him already broke up and he told me also that He didn't take you seriously that he is just toying you." 

I can't speak I feel too weak on what I've heard. All these time I was the one who is rooting for him but he is not. All these time I was the one who's giving my all and received nothing in return. My knees gets weaken and I feel like my heart just stopped. later I found out that I'm at the hospital and I can see Bianca sitting beside me. She's asleep and I don't want to wake her up so I just close my eyes again and pretend that I'm asleep until she wakes up. 

I can see the sadness in Bianca's eyes and I can see that she pitied me. I couldn't help myself but to cry in front of her.  She caress my face and wiped my tears away. She told me that I deserved a genuine love not superficial love. She told me that I deserved better and best. Minutes later, The nurse went inside the room. 

" Excuse me ma'am sabi po ni Doc. that He wants to talk to you. " anito 

I stared at Bianca's back as she went outside. I'm so grateful because I know that Bianca is always there for me no matter what happened. I looked around and tears fell down through my cheeks. I covered my face and wipe all my tears. Habang pinupunasan ko ang aking mga luha biglang nagflashback ang lahat ng memories namin ni Samuel together. Samuel Salvador, He is tall, his hands are so soft and He is freaking handsome from head to toe but who would have thought that, That angel face of him is different. He deceived me, He played so well and he break my heart. Gusto kong itanong sa kanya kung bakit nya ito nagawa sakin. Gusto kong itanong sa kanya kung ano ang rason kung bakit nya ako sinaktan ng ganito. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve the pain. I gave my all to him. I thought He is the one for me. My heart hurts whenever I remember those times. Those special days we've spent end up to zero now, because He is not by my side. 

Bumalik si Bianca na may namumuong luha sa kanyang mga mata as she enter the room she went beside me and hugged me so tight. 

" I should've not told you." She said while crying like a baby. 

Should've not told me? for me to be a stupid person. I'm glad she told me that. Dahil sa sinabi nya nagising ako sa katotohanan. Sa katotohanang you can't force someone to love you back!