ALONZO SERIES #1: BROKEN SEROTONIN

Prologue

Prologue

I opened my eyes when a soft hand caressed my fragile cheek. May parte sa utak ko na gustong sumigaw ng “Sino ka?!” but I couldn’t say a single word because I feel like my brain was born yesterday. Gusto ko siyang makilala pero malabo ang mga mata ko. Kumukurap-kurap ako, sinusubukan kilalanin ang umaakay sa akin. Though I can't see clearly, His features are clearly caucasian. His eyes are familiar, he looks like someone I see every day… He looks like my older brother?? but the only difference is that this man is in his early 30's. He suddenly tickles my belly button and my inner child giggles. I'm trying to move or talk but I can't and that’s when I realize…

This is a memory from my two year old self.

“Selena, Halika dito.” He said gently. Para akong nasa ilalim ng dagat habang pinapakinggan siyang magsalita. I can barely hear the words he says. “Hello baby ko!” Kumislap ang mata niya nang nakita niya ako. Kumurap muli ako upang matitigan siya ng maigi. Her blond hair almost touched her knees. She smiles with her angelic face. She kissed my forehead. “Celestine Julianna… You're heavenly beautiful…” She whispered.

 I blinked and the place shifted. Biglang nakaluhod na ako sa loob ng isang wooden house. I don't know why I’m here. I didn’t know why tears escaped from my eyes until I saw a bunch of peas under my knees. Sinubukan kong tumayo pero naramdaman ko ang hapdi ng aking kamay na nakatali sa malaking Bamboo chair sofa bed. I gaze around the house. Every furniture and design ay galing lahat sa kahoy. 

 Kung gaano ako kasaya kanina ganun din ako kalungkot ngayon. I feel that My younger self wants to run away but crying is the only thing she can afford. As the familiar footsteps approached, I sob louder. Naamoy ko ang usok na binubuga niya araw-araw. I cough. Her hair is now touching her neck and her hair isn't blond anymore. When she finally caught my eyes, she glared at me and pointed a knife at me. “Pag di ka tumigil umiyak diyan, hindi lang Ice ang sasaksakin ko…” she threatened and Immediately laughed maniacally. I bite my lower lip so I’ll stop myself from crying. Dumugo ito sa sobrang kagat ko. I let myself suffer in silence.

Kinuha niya ang cellphone at nilagay iyon sa tenga niya gamit ang kaliwang kamay niya habang ang sigarilyo niya ay nasa kanang kamay niya. “Oh ate, Ano ang balita?” Aniya. Her legs are crossed while her eyes meet the floor. She’s calm. But then—

“HA?! ANO?! 12 YEARS PA BAGO MAKUHA?” yelled that made me flinch. Narinig ko ang sunod-sunod na eksplenasyon ng kausap niya sa telepono ngunit pinatay niya ito at hinagis sa pader. I closed my eyes because it sounded scary.

“Mga bwisit!” Unti-unti siyang lumapit sakin at hinila ng malakas ang buhok ko. “M-m-mommy… masakit.” My 6 year old voice pleaded. Her angry expression turned into mourning. Ngumuso siya at hinalikan ang pisngi ko. “My baby is hurting… “ Humihikbi siya habang hinahaplos ang buhok ko. “Alam mo kasi anak… I love you… Kaya naman dinidisiplina kita para lumaki kang tama.. Diba?” She added. I nodded while stopping myself to sob.

“GAGA UTO-UTO!!” Bigla siyang sumigaw sa mismong tenga ko. Ang hagolgol ko ay mas lalong lumakas. Tumatawa lang siya ng Malakas. “Alam mo, kung hindi lang sa pera? Hindi talaga kita magiging anak gaga! Iniwan ka pa ng putang inang tatay mo sakin! Mamamatay na nga lang, May iniwan pa na responsibilidad! Pwe!”  at biglaan niya na lang akong dinuruan. She was about to slap me in the face when I felt my body sitting in a comfortable bed…

“TAMA NA!”

Hinawakan ko ang pisngi ko at tingnan ang sarili sa salamin. That nightmare. Again. And again. Yumuko ako at hinanap ang mga marka sa balat ko. My skin tasted my tears when my eyes met my scars. I let myself feel the pain. It's always been there…The past always lives with my present. My brain immediately understood what I needed to do. Dinampot ko ang gamot sa kabinet ko at agad kong ininom iyon. I glance back at the bed. Sinigurado kong hindi magigising si Aria, ang kababata kong pinsan at si Ate Mau na nakakatanda kong pinsan.