Once upon a time, Alex Kralie was very tired after evading multiple counts of first degree homicide, arson, vandalism, public indecency, grand theft, larceny, disturbance of the peace, fraud, and tax evasion, among a plethora of other crimes. His stomach growled and his mouth was drier than the desert sands- he needed something to sustain himself. Desperate, he staggered down the sidewalk, his eyes darting from place to place like a madman.
A woman pushing a baby stroller gave him a dirty look and crossed the street away from him as he muttered to himself about wishing he'd roasted a marshmallow over the flames of the Walmart he burned down . But then, his weary sandy brown orbs spotted it- a gift from god, the place where his hunger and thirst for food and drink would finally be quenched. His freedom, his safe haven, a way to finally escape the darkness eroding his mind.
Taco Bell.
With an exclamation of joy, he sprinted towards the fast food restaurant and threw the door open with so much force that it shattered against the wall. Panting from exertion, his eyes landed on the counter, and the worker there. A short, skinny man with sandy brown hair, a very inconspicuous camera strapped to his chest, and an olive hat. Dark circles under his round eyes suggested little sleep, his jawline sharp and accentuated with the slight shadow of a manly beard. He was an unintimidating presence - a well-placed flick upon the forehead, or perhaps a gunshot wound to the chest, would send him flying across the room.
Growling like the very dog he chided his good friend Seth for bringing, he walked over and licked his lips. The worker eyed him up and down, scrunching his bird face up in aversion and slight intimidation at the fact that Alex was covered in sweat and red kool-aid.
"What can I get you?" His voice was that of a prophet, an angel, the harbinger and messiah of Alex's salvation.
"I'll take one of everything." He whispered. His voice was the breathy croak of a man already dead, his poor bones forced still to support the abused weight of the husk of a man. Oh, how death would be an escape, how it would invigorate him for his body to match his mind. And yet here he was, trying desperately to keep himself alive. A single tear rolled down his cheek and splattered to the unclean tiles, reflecting the menu lights that showed enticing displays of gluttony. "Stat."
The server- named Jay, according to his nametag- raised his eyebrows. "Um... let me go get the manager." He stated, fear mounting in his chest at Alex's raw emotional display.
"W-wait!" He exclaimed, but it was too late.
Jay cupped a hand to his mouth. "Tim!"
The tension steadily mounting shattered in an instant, like Brian's bones when he fell off that building, as a door was thrown open. Burly arms crossed over his ample chest, the final challenge burst forth.
Timothy Wright, an absolute tree trunk of a man. He was decked in pink short shorts that perfectly showed off his sculpted calves and a tank top that looked like it was about to rip open from the sheer muscle mass contained within. He glided elegantly upon his chariot- rollerblades, the same pink as his shorts. He moved with the elegance of a king, and it was clear that Jay was his subordinate.
"What is it you require?" he roared.
"Uhh... this guy just came in, covered in blood, and wants one of everything. I think he's a bit coo coo for Cocoa Puffs. Should we call the cops?" Jay stated, uneasy. "I saw a weird guy in a suit outside earlier. I think they're in cahoots. I'm not getting hatecrimed by an emo Steven Spielberg wannabe."
"Nonsense." Tim exclaimed. "I shall take care of him."
Sweat ran down Alex's forehead and formed a puddle on the floor as Tim approached, moving with the poise and strength of a proud lion. Alex stepped back as he advanced. He had to do something before Tim smoted him... but what...?
His hand moved without thinking and out of his pocket came a full-sizes canister of gasoline and a box of matches. With a guttural howl, he spun on his heels, his dance as smooth an elegant as a swan's mating ritual or a spinning top. Jay ducked under the spray of gasoline, and watched with wide eyes as the match was struck and thrown onto the soaked tiles.
Tim screamed as he was swallowed up in flames and killed instantly. Alex turned towards Jay, his eyes widened. "Well forget my flashlight and call me a hotel documentary maker, you just lit my workplace on fire!" he screamed, tears dripping down his cheeks that did nothing to still the blaze.
Alex extended his trembling hand, staring at him with burning passion in his eyes- and it wasn't just the flickering orange hues of the flames. "Come with me." He whispered passionately, with passion.
"I-I can't." Jay shook his head. "I... I have to delete the homework folder."
Alex sighed, he couldn't say he didn't understand that. He had some very interesting things hidden in a homework folder of his own. "I'll respect that," he sighed. "But fare thee well, and may your journey away from this cruel world be a lovely one."
Alex watched as the Taco Bell, Jay, and Tim's corpse burned to the ground. The woman from before was screaming into her phone at the police about how she'd just watch him commit arson, and on top of all that, a short man in a Hawaiian shirt had stolen and eaten her baby.
In the ashes, he discovered Jay's disfigured corpse, a cellphone melted to his hand still open to the homework folder. The other, however, held something different. Gripped in pale fingers was a single chicken chalupa, charred lightly from the flames. On its crust, in hot sauce, it was written- 'for you, my knight, and my most valued customer'.
He smiled as he chewed on it, walking into the forest and away from his heinous act. It was slightly bitter from the smoke, but undoubtedly the most delicious meal his tastebuds had ever absorbed, and he could feel the empowerment, love, and gastrointestinal distress settling into his stomach.
As his hunger was satiated, humming Britney Spears songs to himself, Hoodie watched from the nearby bushes. "God damn it, Alex." He muttered, shaking his head. "That's the fourth one this week."
